09-19-2011, 08:07 AM
Join Date: Sep 2010
| | Re: 1st attempt at help
My h and I have been married a little over a year. He is 36, I am almost 31. We have not had sex for almost a year (October). We've had sex 3 times since being married. I've initiated. I've talked to him about it. But, nothing ever changes. He even sleeps on the couch now and it doesn't matter what I say, he doesn't ever move back in. At this point, I have started to resent him for this.
Your situation sounds similar, but different because you do get along. My h and I don't. I think the sex has a lot to do with it. He is afraid to initiate. But, I don't think this came from me. I think this came from his past and his own insecurities. However, it has driven a huge wedge.
I understand wanting children. I do, too. And I see now that I probably won't have children with him. That is the reason I am choosing to leave now. If that is extremely important to you, and he doesn't feel the same, then I would suggest thinking about moving on. However, you could try counseling (marriage counseling, seeing a sex therapist, personal counseling) to see if you can make it better or get to the bottom of why he doesn't choose to have sex with you. Maybe he needs to see a doctor? Have you discussed any of these things with him?
I know how you feel about convincing yourself that you should stay and could stay because he is an excellent person to live with and a best friend. But, that's not all marriage is about, is it? My husband is a "nice guy", but sometimes being a "nice guy" isn't enough. Cleaning the house, sending me flowers, etc is GREAT and I definitely appreciate it! But the lack of intimacy, communication, anything that a h and wife should have is what has killed it for us.
I hope you and him can work this out. I know there are many success stories of couples who have a sexless marriage and end up working it out. I don't know if you have a sex therapist available where you live, but it might be a thing to check out. Good luck!