General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My husband and i have a strong relationship. It is fairly normal with kids, house, schools, families, etc etc. We are not weirdos or live an unusaul lifestyle, we are just your normal family next door. I guess we have a normal sex life and have different fantasys that we use and talk about. One of the fantasys we use is stronger than all the others! We have chatted about maybe turning it into reality. It is not something he is pushing its just something we have chatted about. The fantasy is having a guy join us in the bedroom. i know its not the norm, and maybe that is the reason it has some attraction, but it makes me think about the reality of it. I know there are risks with all this and we have to be very careful, but from my point of view i think about it a bit. I know everyone is different in the views about this, but just looking for peoples advice on which way I should go?
Well, I've been on this site for a few months and I would say the most common issue is that the husband likes the 'fantasy' of another man with his wife, but just not the 'reality'. She is transformed into the adulterous wife in their arguments, and her marriage suffers. Just proceed cautiously, making sure that it isn't just better to keep it as a fantasy.
I have to agree with everyone about a fantasy is a fun idea to spice things up but sometomes a fantasy can become a reality that you don't won't. Tread careful on the idea and think of the things that can come of this. I would ask my self if this fantasy is a one time thing is it worth risking becoming a nightmare. I am not going to tell you not to live out your fantasy but I would take a very hard long look at the pros and cons before making that choice.
My husband and i have a strong relationship. It is fairly normal with kids, house, schools, families, etc etc. We are not weirdos or live an unusaul lifestyle, we are just your normal family next door. I guess we have a normal sex life and have different fantasys that we use and talk about. One of the fantasys we use is stronger than all the others! We have chatted about maybe turning it into reality. It is not something he is pushing its just something we have chatted about. The fantasy is having a guy join us in the bedroom. i know its not the norm, and maybe that is the reason it has some attraction, but it makes me think about the reality of it. I know there are risks with all this and we have to be very careful, but from my point of view i think about it a bit. I know everyone is different in the views about this, but just looking for peoples advice on which way I should go?
I'm making popcorn for this thread. LOL. A few of the people on this board have to be the most sexually narrow minded, that I have ever had the fortune to meet. It wouldnt surprise me if they hid in the bathroom praying for forgiveness everytime they had sex. Sex in the missionary position with the lights off too, if im any judge. So this threads going to be fuuuun
OK, Here is the opinion of an evil swinger. If you intend to do this, you have to set ground rules. Rules that you absolutely have to obey with zero exceptions. The purpose of these rules is two fold. First it forces you to talk, and in talking, you discover what things would make you both uncomfortable. For instance your husband might not mind you having sex, but watching you passionately kissing another man may be over his comfort zone. So perhaps one rule might be no deep kissing. Perhaps you may feel that certain sexual acts would be strictly between you and your spouse and would be off limits to an outsider. The second thing the rules do is provide some basis to gauge trust.
Another consideration is personality types and open mindedness. You know how jealous you are and how jealous your spouse is. You know how open minded or closed you and he are. Be sure you have the personalities to deal with the morning after.
Finally pick the other person or couple carefully. If you see them every day, things could get awkward.
Some rule suggestions.
No playing without the spouse present
No deep kissing
Must stay in earshot of each other in case things go bad.
If anyone says its time to go, we leave instantly.
Once you proceed with the fantasy and make it reality, can you go back to the old way? Your fantasy is not an unusual one, there are plenty of erotic books out there about mfm threesomes. The question is once you open the door to this, are you going to be able to continue your marriage in the same way. There are quite a few swingers out there with long term marriages, and their divorce rate is similar to non swingers. I would actually go to some swinger forums and read about all the pitfalls that can come from this kind of marriage. Both of you should read these together and see if you still feel the same way about it. The main thing that I seem to read from both this forum and swingers forums (I am not a swinger but I am interested in how they handle relationships), is that communication and honesty are essential to a solid marriage. They have similar issues if not stronger issues with cheating than people on the boards here. Good luck!
Once you proceed with the fantasy and make it reality, can you go back to the old way? Your fantasy is not an unusual one, there are plenty of erotic books out there about mfm threesomes. The question is once you open the door to this, are you going to be able to continue your marriage in the same way. There are quite a few swingers out there with long term marriages, and their divorce rate is similar to non swingers. I would actually go to some swinger forums and read about all the pitfalls that can come from this kind of marriage. Both of you should read these together and see if you still feel the same way about it. The main thing that I seem to read from both this forum and swingers forums (I am not a swinger but I am interested in how they handle relationships), is that communication and honesty are essential to a solid marriage. They have similar issues if not stronger issues with cheating than people on the boards here. Good luck!
That's absolutely true about cheating being a massive issue. Me and the wife were swingers for years, before we settled down to our current set up. We've seen couples do fantastic with their relationship and we've seen some absolute titanic relationship wrecks. Not everyone is cut out to be in an open relationship. Just like anything else in the world, it takes the right temperament.
Bear in mind that just because they decide to have a threesome once, that doesn't mean that they will decide to do it every night. Sometimes once is enough. Just to get the t_Shirt.
I'm making popcorn for this thread. LOL. A few of the people on this board have to be the most sexually narrow minded, that I have ever had the fortune to meet. It wouldnt surprise me if they hid in the bathroom praying for forgiveness everytime they had sex. Sex in the missionary position with the lights off too, if im any judge. So this threads going to be fuuuun
OK, Here is the opinion of an evil swinger. If you intend to do this, you have to set ground rules. Rules that you absolutely have to obey with zero exceptions. The purpose of these rules is two fold. First it forces you to talk, and in talking, you discover what things would make you both uncomfortable. For instance your husband might not mind you having sex, but watching you passionately kissing another man may be over his comfort zone. So perhaps one rule might be no deep kissing. Perhaps you may feel that certain sexual acts would be strictly between you and your spouse and would be off limits to an outsider. The second thing the rules do is provide some basis to gauge trust.
Another consideration is personality types and open mindedness. You know how jealous you are and how jealous your spouse is. You know how open minded or closed you and he are. Be sure you have the personalities to deal with the morning after.
Finally pick the other person or couple carefully. If you see them every day, things could get awkward.
Some rule suggestions.
No playing without the spouse present
No deep kissing
Must stay in earshot of each other in case things go bad.
If anyone says its time to go, we leave instantly.
I am not narrow minded when it comes to living out your fantasy. If that is what they feel the need to do and can handle any outcome then go ahead. I am just suggesting to the OP to think carefully and take anything that could happen into consideration before making that choice. Fantasy can be a great and wonderful thing to make real if all options and outcomes are weighed out
My vote is no...me personally, I have a lot of fantasies, but going through with them is a whole other deal. It probably depends on how deep is the trust bond between you and your husband...would it survive a bad experience? The third party is also a human being...don't forget they shouldn't be treated as an object...could be a pretty humiliating experience if it went badly.
I hope I'm wrong, but the OP sounded like the cheesy beginning of some cheap porn plot. Trolling is not smiled upon in these parts. If I'm wrong (and I often am), I apologize. If this was a sincere question, introducing someone else into your sex life is the worst thing you could ever do. It's basically both of you having an affair at the same time, but one of you is adding the complication of it being a homosexual affair. Don't even go down this road.
Fantasy into reality 
