graniteheart

How long do I make this introduction? Well I will try to give the cliff note version.

My one desire since as far back as I can remember was to have love. All I ever wanted was love, romance, and affection. I have been married for 28 years to the same gal. For 26 of those years our marriage was more like room mates, although somehow we managed to have four kids along the way. Two years ago litterally as I was on my way out we somehow worked it out and the last two years have been great. We've had bumps along the way and had to work out trust issues from the first 26 years, but the last six months have been perfect. She is everything I ever dreamed my perfect love would be and more. She is romantic, affectionate, loving, attentive, perfect.

So, here is why I'm here. There is this dark thought lurking in the back of my mind that her love is false, or an act. It's totally screwed up and she has not given me any reason to feel this way, but that dark suspicion lurks there preventing me from really enjoying the relationship we have.

Am I just screwed up, is there something to this "gut feeling", or am I still holding on to issues from our first 26 years that I somehow need to let go so I can enjoy this happiness?

draconis

I would say enjoy what you have now. Be thankful you are no longer roommates. Matbe there is something there, but chances are she finally resolved the issues of the first twenty-six years. Mabe she finally got what she wanted, or feels content with you and her family. My wife had issues that never surfaced until eight years into the marriage. She always wanted to go to college. After a long time it finally got to her. We had our seventh arguement over a miscommunication but we resolved things and she started work last year on going to college. She is the first one in her family to go to college and only the second to graduate high school. Upon getting into college she found that she has everything she always wanted and more.

With your situation I do not know what the trust issues were. The fact that they seem to be resolved after all these years says something. For the first time things are moving forward for you. Why screw up a good thing or as you put it "perfection".

I would suggest you deal with your issues and talk to some form of councilor to help you let go of whatever is holding you back from enjoying what you have. It seems to me that she finally did.

Now I am not saying that there might not be something there but all you can do is screw up what you have or never enjoy it if there isn't. Enjoy what you have for now. I wrote a thesis on my opinion about relationships on this forum. The second most important part of a healthy relationship to me was trust.

A good part of trust is forgiveness. Whatever is in the past needs to stay there if you want a future.

I wish you the best of luck, and keepus up to date.

Welcome to the forums and I hope you share with us on many topics.

draconis

graniteheart

That is excellent advice that I intend to take. Thank you for telling me what I already knew but couldn't accept it coming from myself.

What I have with her now is awesome. She is so much more than the girl I always dreamed I would have, and now that I have read your post I realize the problem is inside me. I need to let go of the past. Thanks, I'll keep you updated on our wonderful life together.

draconis

Great to hear, I hope besides keeping us updated you feel okay with giving your knowledge and wisdom to others.

draconis