HI All,
Well its been a week and thought I would post an update to my previous post.
Im confused and think paranoia killing me
Things still very confusing!
Things have been as you expect up and down. My wife apologised for the card, saying sorry and that she didnt think. The interesting thing though is that despite what everyone thought was crossing the line, me included, she is determined to keep him as a friend and swears he knows nothing about the card, or the problems between us.
She has told me she loves me, but is not in love with me. WHen I asked her to clarify she said that she loves me but not with the same passion and desire I have for her. WE have been together almost 10 years, so I guess I can accept that, although thats usually the phrase you use to dump someone? She also said that she wants to be with me.
Several other truths have come out - my wife says over last 6 months life has become a bit boring at home and monotonous - now 2 children at school and youngest still a baby. She also admitted that she feels as though there is a large dark cloud over her life, feels like she has lost motivation and energy. This all particularly since this thing with the instructor kicked off. She went to the doctors and has had her antidepressants doubled. I realise from this that if she felt this way, and didnt tell me, then I can see that this friendship with this guy could be exciting, an outlet from her life at home. Maybe even understand the card as in thinking its exciting, flirting etc. She doesnt see the damage though it has done to me and the relationship.
I am so in two minds. It is clear she is down, and as her husband and friend I want her happy. At the same time ,following the card and lies I am really struggling to come to terms with this friendship. He is coming over our house this Sunday while I am out, for the entire afternoon and we are eating together in the evening. Part of me thinks - surely you wouldnt be this bold to have him here if you felt something towards him - but at the same time the words from the card keep rattling through my head - calling him gorgeous and all the sexual innuendo. I told her I was nervous about him coming over, considering how close it is to the issues we have had, the card, and that I am trying but this has made it harder. She said She understands, to stop worrying and to go out and enjoy myself.
How does this read to you guys?
SHe is determined not to talk about it anymore either. Today all I said to her was - I want to work together on understanding how you have got to be depressed, and the current situation and see how we can move forward. Jumped absolutely down my neck. I know what she would say to counciling / help like Relate. In the mean time, she still continues to text him etc. Every time I walk in a room, I hear or see the phone getting shut etc.
She just doesnt seem to want to accept that she has done wrong, my offers to talk, to work on things - just wants me to accept him as a friend with all it comes with and move on. This is a huge ask and Im not sure I can. IT almost seems like huge denial, or a complete unwillingness to open up the real issues for fear of what will happen. Me, Im simple. If0 she doesnt want to be with me, let me know . If you do then great, but put the effort into it it will need to work - and importantly, together. Please guys - your opinion.
update re confused and paranoia
