Guys- do you get "excited" every time? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 25Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-23-2016, 11:30 AM
Forum Supporter
 
TX-SC's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,170
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

No problems here. I'm on testosterone replacement therapy and I pretty much get horny when the wind blows. But yes, there are things that can cause a man to have issues, and 95% of those have nothing to do with his partner.

When I was on Zoloft, I had some serious sexual side effects so I dropped it. Stress and depression can cause issues as well. Diabetes and heart issues can also have an effect.

I seriously doubt that the issue is you.


"You are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a lunatic mind!" Victor Von Frankenstein
TX-SC is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-23-2016, 12:07 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 446
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Happynconfused, it is NOT YOU. It could be a number of things that are causing his ED, but you are not the reason. There have been mention of the most common causes already, but the red flag for me is what you and the other women have said about his being "'confused' about his sexuality". Does he use a computer? Have you looked at his web history? Is he effeminate? Does he have gay friends? Is he able to talk about sex at all? Have you tried to talk to him about it?
Luvher4life is offline  
post #33 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-23-2016, 04:09 PM
Member
 
PhillyGuy13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Not Philly
Posts: 2,738
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vinnydee View Post
... Right now it has been 5 weeks since my last orgasm and I think I will have one this weekend since it is Easter...
Just as Jesus intended!
Posted via Mobile Device

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...-she-road.html
PhillyGuy13 is offline  
post #34 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 12:32 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 19
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

hmmm.... well, I never have troubles in that department, but we're all different.

I apologize in advance if any of this has been mentioned already. I didn't read all the posts...

As a guy that tolerated way too much sexual frustration way too long in his marriage, my main advice is to start addressing this with him now. Like ASAP. Don't procrastinate. Time flies.

I totally get what you are dealing with in regards to the feeling of self blame. I do it as well in my situation. It's good to consider things that may be about you that contribute, but please don't beat yourself up.

If you are looking to improve your appeal to him though, here's my stance on attractiveness. The way you look is a very small fraction of your appeal. The way you act or treat him will get you MUCH more mileage in the attractiveness category than any treadmill could provide. That's just my personal experience with my wife and other women as well. There's so much body shaming and pressure in our society and all of it is a bunch of BS. I find all shapes and forms of women attractive and I believe most men feel the same way. The draw isn't based on the way they look, but more about their personality. Don't take that word "personality" to mean that you have to be someone you aren't either. He was obviously attracted to you before by just being who you are. So be yourself, of course. The things I'm referring to are basically how you treat him and how your relationship is outside of the bedroom. Is he dealing with any kind of resentments? Does he feel nagged? Does he feel any kind of other annoyances that may be turning him off? Does he feel kind of restrained or on a leash? Only he would know that, so it's worth asking him.

As for the homosexuality thing? I personally am mind boggled as to how people can pull this off. You know, getting into a heterosexual marriage but being homosexual. I mean, I get if he is bi, but even then, part of being bi is being attracted to females. He must have had a genuine attraction to you in some way shape or form, right? Am I wrong? Maybe I am wrong, so please correct me if I'm way off. I don't have much knowledge in this regard. I'm just thinking out loud I suppose. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard of it happening though. So, don't get me wrong. I'm not dismissing the possibility. Not one bit. It could very much be a possiblity. I just can't help but shake my head when I imagine that people are able to pull this off. At any rate, if he is gay, then I'm not really sure how you would get to the bottom of it. If he is gay, then he's probably in major denial by going as far as marrying a woman. Either that or he's extremely dishonest by going into a heterosexual marriage as a man that is in the closet. ...or he knows he's gay and he feels ashamed of it or like he's not allowed to simply be gay? At any rate, any one of those situations sound like such a mess to me. I can't imagine being able to get an honest answer out of him in any of those situations. I guess, my point is, if he's so willing to cover up or deny homosexuality as to marry a woman, then how can you trust he would just say "ok, you got me, I'm gay.". It just seems like a really rough situation to be able to uncover. Plus, with sex, there are so many smokescreens at people's disposal. It's so easy to find reasons you can't perform and put your partner on some wild goose chase when there's a hidden underlying problem that is the real cause of the difficulty but is just too embarassing or painful for them to face or admit to.

Another thought. Does he suffer from premature ejaculation? I have read that this sometimes goes hand in hand with ED. Apparently, if someone is regularly finishing early and leaving their missus unsatisfied, the whole event of love making feels like a big anxiety provoking situation. That sometimes brings forth performance anxiety problems such as getting an erection. This is especially true in situations where their partner was not very compassionate about him finishing quick. If he's rather quick, it may be worthwhile to bring it up and ask if he ever feels inadequate because of it. It may be as simple as reassuring him and making it safe for him to just relax and not treat it as some sort of test of his ability to please you. I'm not implying that you are creating that sort of vibe. The vibe may completely and utterly within himself. He may be carrying an unspoken expectation by societies rules or even dealing with hurts from past relationships. He may not even be quick in comparison to most men but feel like he's subpar because he has an unrealistic expectation of himself. I guess in short, no matter what the reason, could it just be that he is feeling a bit unsure of his ability to please you? If that's the case, I think just reassuring him that you enjoy it no matter what the outcome is and perhaps finding alternate ways to help finish your end of the situation (toys / manual stimulation / oral / etc.) would help a lot. Maybe he just needs a bit of his anxiety producing concerns aired out and addressed and reassured?

Then again, maybe it's just a medical condition with ED, plain and simple?

I'm obviously no expert. Just sharing my personal experiences and thoughts. The big thing I can't stress enough though is to address this stuff. Don't let it sit unattended. Don't be like me and put it off forever. If he gives resistance to talking about it, don't let him keep the topic off the table. If this is bothering you, and rightfully so, then it needs to be addressed.
Bam-bam is offline  
post #35 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 02:39 PM
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 10,062
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

"he's not instantly turned on by me hence he's gay" ? did I hear that right?

Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
Runs like Dog is offline  
post #36 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 04:37 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,175
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happynconfused View Post
Oh boy. I hope he isn't gay. Why would he marry me then?
He is.

Urban Dictionary: Beard
MachoMcCoy is offline  
post #37 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 04:41 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,267
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MachoMcCoy View Post
I know you have a wicked sense of humor but I'm not sure you are helping here.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
post #38 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 04:42 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,267
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

It's not you. Most men will have a problem with that from time to time, especially as they get older.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
post #39 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 04:43 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,175
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Runs like Dog View Post
"he's not instantly turned on by me hence he's gay" ? did I hear that right?
No. We read her words, hence he's gay.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happynconfused View Post
I thought he was gay for awhile there, before we got married he sent a half naked picture of himself to his gay friends. Said it was for girls at a party...yea right. Then we were all drunk one night and his gay friends said "put your balls away, we have already seen them". hmmm.
I must have made my point, or so I thought, and moved on. Just came back today. I find it AMAZING that you are all treating him like a straight man with ED. What planet am I on again?
MachoMcCoy is offline  
post #40 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-24-2016, 04:44 PM
Member
 
Runs like Dog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Redneckistan
Posts: 10,062
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

No, and I can't and speak for everyone or how your man feels about you personally. Like the comedian Doug Stanhope says "I'm so jaded I can't get off unless YOU watch!" Everyone gets turned on by different things some of them are pretty weird.


Is there such thing as insanity among penguins? - Werner Herzog
Runs like Dog is offline  
post #41 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 08:29 AM
Member
 
PhillyGuy13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Not Philly
Posts: 2,738
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MachoMcCoy View Post
No. We read her words, hence he's gay.



I must have made my point, or so I thought, and moved on. Just came back today. I find it AMAZING that you are all treating him like a straight man with ED. What planet am I on again?
If you take all of her threads as a whole, he is at minimum curious, probably at least bi and has possibly dabbled.

Nothing wrong with any of it, unless he is doing it behind his wife's back.

This is why it is encouraged to stick to one thread so posters who may come and go get a more complete picture.
Posted via Mobile Device

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...-she-road.html
PhillyGuy13 is offline  
post #42 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 11:19 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,175
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tech-novelist View Post
I know you have a wicked sense of humor but I'm not sure you are helping here.
I am the ONLY one helping here. I am not spamming this thread. I am the only one who is right.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhillyGuy13 View Post
If you take all of her threads as a whole, he is at minimum curious, probably at least bi and has possibly dabbled.

Nothing wrong with any of it, unless he is doing it behind his wife's back.
Or if he can't get a stiffie because she doesn't have a penis. Which looks like the issue here.

Last edited by MachoMcCoy; 03-25-2016 at 11:24 AM.
MachoMcCoy is offline  
post #43 of 43 (permalink) Old 03-25-2016, 11:22 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,175
Re: Guys- do you get "excited" every time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happynconfused View Post
I had to get him off orally again (within a minute). Any ideas?????
Look up at his face when you are pleasuring him orally. Are his eyes closed or is he watching? The only thing better than getting a BJ is watching it get done to you.

I'll bet you a thousand dollars his eyes are closed during the act.
MachoMcCoy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Husband moved out, how much time do I give him? sillysophie Considering Divorce or Separation 25 02-26-2016 02:07 PM
Glad to be divorced from him for the first time Nomorebeans Life After Divorce 21 02-01-2016 12:32 PM
Easier Time Getting Sex, Guys or Ladies? EllisRedding Sex in Marriage 18 12-01-2015 05:47 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome