Re: I feel so unloved in my marriage
Wow, TX-SC, you hit the spot with such a quick, insightful post.
I'm also a hopeless romantic and since I couldn't plan my way out of a paper bag, planning and executing some kind of event takes enormous energy. But I do it because I care. Does anything ever come my way? No, I can't think of a single example.
But you got me thinking about it, and it does seem that she sees quality time as her way of giving back.
The OP's opening statement caught my attention when she described her husband's emotional distance and I could immediately relate with regards to my wife.
However, although I originally felt the same way, my emotions ran through self-doubt, insecurity, anger and finally, emotional withdrawal. I went so far as to move into the guest room. That was 2-1/2 years ago.
But let me ask the group this question: when trying to figure out what's wrong in this type of situation, when does your effort to understand become futile because you're doing nothing more than making excuses for your partner's emotional distance?
For example, my wife has always been uninterested in sex, but she indulged me. I thought "well, that's nice of her". But no, she did it just to avoid "the discussion". Although we've sort of had sex a few times in 2-1/2 years, I've never orgasmed, and I've totally lost all physical interest in her.
Now I don't even like her very much.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to hijack this discussion, but I do want to warn others that in my case at least, my wife doesn't want to talk about it, deflects all attempts to define the problem, thinks her way is the best way, romantic gestures are overrated (but don't dare miss a special occasion), sex is unnecessary, and a man expressing his feelings is weak.
I'm making her sound terrible but she's not, she's just different from me, that's all.
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