Re: I feel so unloved in my marriage
I’m going to take a stab at this, I could be completely wrong, so take it for what it’s worth?
It sounds to me like your husband (like many) is insecure. I’m guessing that the “You should treat him better” is saying that your busy schedule and volunteering at a hospital has left him feeling that he is not your priority. He feels that you have been, had been, or are neglecting him and withdrawing from him.
His response to that was most likely to further withdraw from you.
Keeping himself involved, busy, and entertained in other ways. That could even involve accepting friendships from other women. It does not have to mean that he is cheating, he is getting his needs met in ways that he felt you were not meeting. He may feel resentment towards you. No different than what a woman feels in the same circumstances.
If this is the case, you’re coming back and expressing that your emotions are now being neglected, and him not paying attention to it, may be signs that he is numb to it. It could be a “she did not care about me, why should I care about her” attitude.
Your fears that he may have interest in another woman could be true, or they could not be. Either way, I believe that your actions should be to step up and fight for your man. Show him that he is important to you; remind him that you are all the woman he needs. Forget about your needs for a while and concentrate on what his needs are and providing them. Once you have changed his view of you and how you treat him, then you can come back and determine your mutual needs and how to achieve them.
Now I’m not suggesting that you have to kiss his a$$, but you cannot expect him to meet your emotional needs if he is viewing you as not being considerate of his. I’m not saying that’s right by any means, but it is a very common response to feeling neglected, by men and women both.
You may have to be the one who gets the ball rolling here. I would suggest that you attempt to do this with few words and minimal heavy conversations, that turns a man off as much as it does a woman.
I would try to do so with your actions and behaviors around and towards him. In other words, don’t say, DO!
Again, not permanently, just long enough to change each of your perceptions of the current situation.
That make sense?
That’s my thought, I hope it helps.
Last edited by RDJ; 10-01-2011 at 08:51 PM.