Hi My Name is Chris, I'm 28 years old I just got newly wed about 2 months ago to my wife in the Philippines. We've been together for 3 years and like the currently its like a Long Distance Relationship. We made it work cause were committed to talking to each other everyday through viber, skype, facebook messenger, facetime and I've flew down to the Philippines to visit her 3 times. The 3rd time was when we tied the knot. As of this moment her sponsorship papers are currently under processing through the Canadian immigration. Lately we've been having issues about time difference and not having time at all for each other. My wife is complaining that I've changed due to having no time at all for her. But I keep telling her I'm trying my best to balance and adjust for the time. Everyday I set my alarm clock to 5:00 am to wake up for our scheduled time to talk. She feels it's not enough cause she also needs to understand that I have a full time job and I need to work for our future. I also play basketball on my spare time because that is my hobby that I love to do. Lately she's been questioning my priorities stating to me that my priorities are Basketball , Work and she is the last on my list. Well that isn't true. Last night she gave me an ultimatum. She said to choose either basketball or me? I said I chose her and then all of a sudden she told me to quit playing basketball altogether cause I'll be joining a league starting April 1st. I told her that it isn't fair and she told me that I need to adjust to her time and she feels that I don't have quality time for her due to the time difference from Canada and in the Philippines. When I told her why do i need to quit altogether? She questions me saying "Are you 2 years old?" I was pretty choked when i heard that from her. I didnt bother to reply to her. She even asked "you can't decide on your own?" She questions me saying " Do you need a family member/friend to help you decide?" She went on saying "Why did you get married in the first place if you can't decide on your own?" Cause she wants my decision from her ultimatum of me to choose between basketball or her? I never replied back to any of her messages or phone calls cause I don't want to make things worse and I feel like shes being controlling and that she's being selfish taking away what I love to do and my social life when I play basketball cause how often do I ever see my friends? If I lose my social life, I lose my friends. I'm staying calm about this situation,I obviously do love my wife but this has gotten out of hand. I just want to hear any of your guys' opinion and advises to see if you can help me out.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but marriage is kind of an in-person type of relationship. Because of circumstances you have to be apart, which makes you somewhat less than married for real. She wants to have more face time, and if you're truly committed to being married you'll do whatever it takes.
i understand that but I have a life here in Canada. Ill do whatever it takes but I'm not giving up my hobby of what I love to do. My wife needs to understand and be supportive.
It does include my wife, she needs to understand the time difference and everything. I got married because I saw traits in my wife that she's loving, supportive, and understanding but now things are changing. So don't be questioning me why I got married? My wife needs to be patient, have faith and understanding that everything will fall into place. Her papers are under processing in immigration. You know I'm not working hard at my full time job just for myself. I'm working for us, for our future. Well its tough that our situation is like this. Obviously I'm not proud of leaving her behind in the Philippines and how I wish she could be with me here already in Canada. So please understand the situation.
I just checked my world clock. Right now it's 12:45 PM in Vancouver while it's 3:45 AM in Manila. That's tough. Do you know how long the immigration stuff will take? How often do you talk in a week?
Signature: Nobody can hurt me without my permission.[emoji847][emoji847]
I've been there, in a long distance relationship so I understand the pain and frustration of being apart etc. However, giving you ultimatums and treating you the way she did is not a good sign. If she can't understand that this setting is only temporary and that you can't stop living your life and put everything else on hold just so you could talk to her, then too bad. Does that mean that you won't be able to play basketball or have friends once she's with you in Canada?
She's being unreasonable and, unfortunately, at this point you can't even know if this behavior is 'normal' for her as you don't really know her. How much time did the two of you spent together in person?
Well the i spent together person is first visit was for 1 month from January 2014 then we waited over a year till we were together again in June 2015 and thats when we got civilly wed and then my last visit that we spent time together was just this year in January 2016 thats when we had a big wedding at the church and celebrated with all our friends and family. When I was with her in person we never had an big arguments or quarrels. It was just being happy, enjoying each other. Yeah I admit its not a lot of time spent together, but during the times were apart we stayed true and committed together and assured our love for each other.
This marriage is a disaster in the making. My advice is to get an annulment and find someone local. You are young, why the rush to get married to someone you barely know? You've only seen her in person 3 times. I can guarantee she's been on her best behavior the whole time and you're only starting to see the negative side of her. There will be much more to come.
This marriage is a disaster in the making. My advice is to get an annulment and find someone local. You are young, why the rush to get married to someone you barely know? You've only seen her in person 3 times. I can guarantee she's been on her best behavior the whole time and you're only starting to see the negative side of her. There will be much more to come.
I think it's called the vacation version, having fun, relaxed, with no worries etc. What happens when life problems strike? You (OP) don't even know what will happen when reality kicks in. I sure didn't know
You are in for a lifetime of absolute misery if you accept someone speaking to you like this, so early on, especially. There are so many people who think they own a person once they marry...she's that kind. Hope you don't settle for this behavior.
OP you married in the Philippines, right? Some of the other posters in the thread I linked claimed it can be quite difficult to get a divorce if you married there.
I've heard Philippine girls are very loyal. Have a good friend that is doing the LDR with one who is 18 years younger than him. He's putting her through school and is going to marry her after she graduates. But he's a Filipino himself. I don't get it, never will, but some people must think they can't find a girl near them that they can see daily.
Definitely don't give up basketball. Time to be the alpha male here. If she breaks it off, then move on. You don't have much time invested, just a lot of money with the trips. No big deal.
Interesting. I've heard the opposite. My mother used to take language classes with several other women from the Phillipines. Many of whom married much older men. And many of whom had bfs on the side and complained of a complete lack of attraction to their husbands.
If not, then you need to know that this is just a taste of things to come.
Run man, as fast as you can - get the hell out of there!
Is the mutual friend that introduced you two a Filipina ? If so, run even faster. They have a mission to get Filipinas out of the Philippines as fast as possible - normally be getting married to gullible guys like you!
Danger - Will Robinson - Danger! (Sorry this might be before your time :smile2: )
I haven't talked to my wife for 3 days now cause I'm using this time to give each other space and time to think and I also want to make my wife realize what behaviour she is showing and that it will not be tolerated at all. I haven't called or texted her same as what she doing to me. Hasn't called or text me at all. When she's ready, I'm sure we'll talk about the issues and what went wrong.
Well, looks like she wants an independent thinker while at the same time she's trying to dominate you. If she succeeds and you do what she asks she will be appeased in the short term but lose respect for you in the long term.
If you want this to work you will have to be a very strong leader, for the rest of your marriage. At the same time, you will have to juggle her very demanding nature.
Don't let her walk all over you. Tell her you don't need someone telling you what to do, and that you know exactly what to do. You will call her in the morning at your arranged time, then you will go to work, go to basketball and come home. Don't be wishy-washy and don't be angry. Marriage needs compromise, but you are currently in a power struggle. At those times, for the sake of the marriage, you have to be a rock.
I'm not talking to her or texting her cause I want her to realize my value and importance to her and right now she doesn't and the way she's treating me is bad and I've treated her well after everything that I've done for her and yet I don't feel appreciated by her.
"The silent treatment is a common way of displaying contempt for another individual while avoiding confrontation about that contempt or without giving the target of the contempt an opportunity to resolve the issue or dispute. The goal is typically to invoke FOGfear, obligation or guilt - in the mind of the target individual."
Well me and my wife are still not talking and tried to msg her and ask her if she's ready to talk but i guess she's not.. I guess I just have to be patient and talk with her when she's ready. Advise that my friends gave me is to keep myself busy and who knows she'll eventually give in. I admit I'm usually the one giving in when problems arise like this. I told her in my message that we can't leave this issue unresolved we need to solve it but I guess she's still upset and not ready to talk to me. Her birthday is this coming Sunday. I'm surprising her getting flowers, chocolates and balloons delivered to her place. I just hope she appreciates it and I even got her younger brother to buy her a cake. I really hope she appreciates my effort even though I'm so far and won't be there for her on her birthday. Any suggestions or advises on what I should are welcome. As far as basketball goes I'm still going to play cause it's a leisure activity that I do every Friday night and its a form of exercise to keep me healthy.
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Talk About Marriage
4.9M posts
105.3K members
Since 2007
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!