Hi, I've been having this very aggravating problem with my partner. Whenever I feel that she's being a certain way, I try to communicate that I don't like her behavior. When I do this, I use dictionary definitions that I feel are accurate.
My problem is that she will fight me to the death on dictionary definitions of certain words that are generally seen as negative. "Ultimatum" "Manipulation" "Childish" and "Immature" are just a few. When i say these words to express myself "I feel that you're giving me an ultimatum, and that I have no say in this situation" or "I feel like you were being very childish in that situation". Usually it's with these negatively charged words that she refuses to define her behavior in the way that the dictionary would. We'll then end up fighting about the definition of the word. With me siding with the dictionary, and her siding with her altered version of the dictionary that includes an emotional response tagged on the end like "that's seen as negative," thus making all vocabulary subjective, and impossible for me to get her to admit to her behavior, because it can be changed into whatever she wants. Even the word "apology" takes on a new meaning with her: when I say that her actions hurt me and that I'd like an apology, I get a sympathetic response like "i'm sorry" that has nothing to do with acknowledgement of wrongdoing or regret, the same way you'd say "i'm sorry" to someone who lost a loved one.
I'd like to think that I'm not crazy, or being overly sensitive, but it is extremely hard to communicate with her. I believe that it has something to do with a big, but fragile, ego. A "bloated" but unstable self-image.
Has anyone come across this kind of situation before? Know any glossary terms that might help me do some research on the subject?
My problem is that she will fight me to the death on dictionary definitions of certain words that are generally seen as negative. "Ultimatum" "Manipulation" "Childish" and "Immature" are just a few. When i say these words to express myself "I feel that you're giving me an ultimatum, and that I have no say in this situation" or "I feel like you were being very childish in that situation". Usually it's with these negatively charged words that she refuses to define her behavior in the way that the dictionary would. We'll then end up fighting about the definition of the word. With me siding with the dictionary, and her siding with her altered version of the dictionary that includes an emotional response tagged on the end like "that's seen as negative," thus making all vocabulary subjective, and impossible for me to get her to admit to her behavior, because it can be changed into whatever she wants. Even the word "apology" takes on a new meaning with her: when I say that her actions hurt me and that I'd like an apology, I get a sympathetic response like "i'm sorry" that has nothing to do with acknowledgement of wrongdoing or regret, the same way you'd say "i'm sorry" to someone who lost a loved one.
I'd like to think that I'm not crazy, or being overly sensitive, but it is extremely hard to communicate with her. I believe that it has something to do with a big, but fragile, ego. A "bloated" but unstable self-image.
Has anyone come across this kind of situation before? Know any glossary terms that might help me do some research on the subject?