General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
You are right. i am hurting inside but have kept my efforts up at communicating with no success. He is still remaining to himself and i choose to respect it, but i am not going to sulk in my worry because i have a child and would be unproductive.
update. today was my teenage sib in law birthday and my little one was there. I had school so my hubby went over to have dinner with the fam. my mom in law watches our child and she was there as well. usually if the decision is made for our child to stay the night he informs me via a call or text. I come home to see him and no daughter. Our issue has nothing to do with how i handle our child. This is when i realized that he is playing a game. I refused to give in to him with anger because i fell he was expecting me to say something. I came home, finished cleaning and was pleasant with him (even though i still got the cold shoulder). I told him i loved him and he mumbled(sp) it back. So he is still giving me the cold shoulder. Please help!
update. today was my teenage sib in law birthday and my little one was there. I had school so my hubby went over to have dinner with the fam. my mom in law watches our child and she was there as well. usually if the decision is made for our child to stay the night he informs me via a call or text. I come home to see him and no daughter. Our issue has nothing to do with how i handle our child. This is when i realized that he is playing a game. I refused to give in to him with anger because i fell he was expecting me to say something. I came home, finished cleaning and was pleasant with him (even though i still got the cold shoulder). I told him i loved him and he mumbled(sp) it back. So he is still giving me the cold shoulder. Please help!
All the valuable info you need to handle this situation has been given. It's up to you to follow the advice, or ignore it and continue to do what you've been doing.
Either you make a change, or you want to talk about making a change. Which is it?
All the valuable info you need to handle this situation has been given. It's up to you to follow the advice, or ignore it and continue to do what you've been doing.
Either you make a change, or you want to talk about making a change. Which is it?
Oh i definitely want to make a change but an a little unsure if i am going in right direction. So much different advice given. when he did this i did not want to give in to his game and also dont want him to think i am sweating the silent treatment. I think that is what he is looking for. I m trying to respond differently than usual. So if i may ask, please let me know the pros and cons in my aproach. Just looking for feedback so that i can know where i need to do things better.
Oh i definitely want to make a change but an a little unsure if i am going in right direction. So much different advice given. when he did this i did not want to give in to his game and also dont want him to think i am sweating the silent treatment. I think that is what he is looking for. I m trying to respond differently than usual. So if i may ask, please let me know the pros and cons in my aproach. Just looking for feedback so that i can know where i need to do things better.
You need to stop expecting him to change. He's not going to. Ignore him. I've mentioned before that living in the same house doesn't foster any long-term good feelings under the circumstances. He's not going to see you doing anything differently than you had been in the past, he doesn't WANT to. So you can be on your best behavior with him and it won't matter. You keep thinking that being pleasant around him will change his mind and it simply will not.
You need to stop expecting him to change. He's not going to. Ignore him. I've mentioned before that living in the same house doesn't foster any long-term good feelings under the circumstances. He's not going to see you doing anything differently than you had been in the past, he doesn't WANT to. So you can be on your best behavior with him and it won't matter. You keep thinking that being pleasant around him will change his mind and it simply will not.
I get you. Focus on bettering me and let him focus on this game he is playing. I asked if he wanted to stay at his parents but he doesnt for the sake of lettting them know our business and him regretting it. So he chose to stay at the house. I am not leaving because i primarily take care of our child and i refuse to have her spending the night out over his need to pout. So that is the beast i am dealing with. So i will just continue to ignore him. what i am realizing is i am not a bad person nor am i this selfish person he is trying to pit me to be. I am giving, loving, loyal, and compassionate. I refuse to let his insecurities make me into this person who always feel she is wrong.
I get you. Focus on bettering me and let him focus on this game he is playing. I asked if he wanted to stay at his parents but he doesnt for the sake of lettting them know our business and him regretting it. So he chose to stay at the house. I am not leaving because i primarily take care of our child and i refuse to have her spending the night out over his need to pout. So that is the beast i am dealing with. So i will just continue to ignore him. what i am realizing is i am not a bad person nor am i this selfish person he is trying to pit me to be. I am giving, loving, loyal, and compassionate. I refuse to let his insecurities make me into this person who always feel she is wrong.
I love how he wants time apart, but isn't willing to move out of the house. Games. Manipulation. Pouting. He's batting 1000.
IMO if he really wanted to get away from you he would. Continue to ignore him.
I must admit, i understand why u say that real time apart can not happen with two people in same home. It is hard for me not to communicate with him but i know that i have to not play his game. I see it like this, I am not the one who truly wants this time apart or silent treatment. I am willing to let things go. He is the one keeping this up so why should i be the one groveling over this. He can speak when he wants to sence he is the PARKER BROTHERS of this game. It is a nice weekend in chicago and i planned on taking our daughter to the pumpkin patch and text himt o invite. If he refuses, his bad. OH THE HELLWELL!
I love how he wants time apart, but isn't willing to move out of the house. Games. Manipulation. Pouting. He's batting 1000.
IMO if he really wanted to get away from you he would. Continue to ignore him.
Oh and here is a laugh for you. So when he moved intot he other room be bought bins for his stuff (underwear, socks). So i washed last night right. So when done i proceeded to his new room to put his things up. I tried to put his underwear in his new room and he tells me to keep it in OUR room. I then said "Oh, i assumed it was staying in here since you moved your stuff out, but ok>" LOL
Oh and here is a laugh for you. So when he moved intot he other room be bought bins for his stuff (underwear, socks). So i washed last night right. So when done i proceeded to his new room to put his things up. I tried to put his underwear in his new room and he tells me to keep it in OUR room. I then said "Oh, i assumed it was staying in here since you moved your stuff out, but ok>" LOL
He sounds like my ex husband. He said the 'D' word one too many times with me, so I told him to leave and served him papers a month later. During his time away I asked him to meet me to dinner, to talk about things... see where his head was... if he really meant he wanted to end things... and to tell him I still cared for him and was willing to try to make our relationship work. I met him where we had our first date (my suggestion) and I told him that I was willing to put everything in the past and start fresh. I loved him and wanted it to work, and I was sorry if I had hurt him in any way. You know what he did? He came to dinner, and sulked the entire time. He didn't have much to say to me and acted indifferent when I was telling him how I felt. I really didn't understand why he even came.
I suggested counseling, but ended up going alone. In my first session, my pastor told me that I was a good wife, he just isn't ready to be a true husband to me. I didn't need anymore confirmation that I needed to end things with him. I'm no asskisser and I wasn't about to kiss his and beg and grovel for him to at least try. He wanted out? He got papers served to him 3 weeks later.
I don't regret that move in the least. I'm happily remarried to a man that doesn't play games, isn't passive aggressive, and is honest with me even when it hurts. Sometimes he sulks, but I tell him he better snap out of it, I don't cater to childish behavior. It works!!
Ok, you can go two ways here. You can ignore what he's doing and pretend you two are still together and pretend he never said he wanted 'space.' Keep washing his socks.
Or you can give him what he wants, stay in the same house but give him a big fat 180. You want space? You got it. You are now single and in charge of your own life. I will wash my clothes and my kids' clothes; you're on your own. I will cook for me and kids; you're on your own. I will take the kids out for fun; you're on your own.
He sounds like my ex husband. He said the 'D' word one too many times with me, so I told him to leave and served him papers a month later. During his time away I asked him to meet me to dinner, to talk about things... see where his head was... if he really meant he wanted to end things... and to tell him I still cared for him and was willing to try to make our relationship work. I met him where we had our first date (my suggestion) and I told him that I was willing to put everything in the past and start fresh. I loved him and wanted it to work, and I was sorry if I had hurt him in any way. You know what he did? He came to dinner, and sulked the entire time. He didn't have much to say to me and acted indifferent when I was telling him how I felt. I really didn't understand why he even came.
I suggested counseling, but ended up going alone. In my first session, my pastor told me that I was a good wife, he just isn't ready to be a true husband to me. I didn't need anymore confirmation that I needed to end things with him. I'm no asskisser and I wasn't about to kiss his and beg and grovel for him to at least try. He wanted out? He got papers served to him 3 weeks later.
I don't regret that move in the least. I'm happily remarried to a man that doesn't play games, isn't passive aggressive, and is honest with me even when it hurts. Sometimes he sulks, but I tell him he better snap out of it, I don't cater to childish behavior. It works!!
Lol. I dont wnat a divorce but i def hear you. I am sure he regrets that move.
Ok, you can go two ways here. You can ignore what he's doing and pretend you two are still together and pretend he never said he wanted 'space.' Keep washing his socks.
Or you can give him what he wants, stay in the same house but give him a big fat 180. You want space? You got it. You are now single and in charge of your own life. I will wash my clothes and my kids' clothes; you're on your own. I will cook for me and kids; you're on your own. I will take the kids out for fun; you're on your own.
Show him what space looks like.
Make him miss you.
Yeah i am def going to show him what space looks like. Got too much going on to play games. Either you are in or you are out. Honestly, its been kinda nice having bed to myself. When the little one wakes i let her crawl in with me and we cuddle. Been some darn good sleep. LOL
Funny thing is he really is a great guy. No other issues except he overreacts and pouts. He is never wrong. Its not like i am the onyl one who says it. HIS FAMILY says it. So i get frustrating when the B**CH A**ness comes out in him. Grrrrr...
Re: Husband wants time apart 
