General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My husband just recently told me that he wants time apart. He feels that i am not in tune with his needs. he is now sleeping in our second bedroom. He initially told me that we should just split as friends for the sake of our daughter but then said that he does not want to give up onthe marriage. He just wants time a part. it is hard for me to do because i am so use to being with him talking, etc. I am scared. Any Advice?
My husband just recently told me that he wants time apart. He feels that i am not in tune with his needs. he is now sleeping in our second bedroom. He initially told me that we should just split as friends for the sake of our daughter but then said that he does not want to give up onthe marriage. He just wants time a part. it is hard for me to do because i am so use to being with him talking, etc. I am scared. Any Advice?
I'm in a similar boat.
Has he expressed why? What needs are you not meeting? Have you tried counseling (marriage or independently?)
I am not emotionally there for him. He says I do not love him for him. I am not romantic. Honeslty, i have so muh animosity towards him because in the first hal of our relationship he spent so much time attcking my character that i felt i want good enough. Now that he has changed i still have the animosity and it is killing us. But i do know i love him ad am scared.
Sorry to hear all of this.
People don't like to be changed, and we quite often don't communicate "change the behavior" as opposed to making people think they should change. Think of it as a challenge. To try the new behaviors. No one can take away who you are. Ever.
If you love him, let go of the resentment. That's a heavy burden to carry around. Trust a little bit. Ask for his help. Go to counselling?
Honestly, i really do not turn him down for sex. We are both busy. I am in grad school and he is getting his second masters wwhile we also have a toddler and both work full time. I have to admit that this has been his complaint about me forever. I have to admit, i am wrong. Not sure if i have ever fully admitted this to myself. Although it is scary, it feels good to admit this. I am a little confused about why i feel so good admitting this. Is it that i am tired of bearing this resentment. I dont know but it feels good. I know i am not as romantic as i should be. when we first got married, i wanted sex from him all the time. even when he annoyed me, i wanted him. He began to tell me that i was too aggressive and attacked my approach. instead of manipulating my approach in a poositive way, he made me feel like an overly sexed woman. I began to doubt my ability to please him or turn him on. This in turn took away my individual sex drive/appeal. My desire for sex has gone down. Recently he told me that he realizes that he made a mistake. Instead of admitting that he was intimidated by my sex appeal and ability to conquer him in bed, he criticized me. He did not realize that it would cause me to leave the sex ball in his court. He now usually has to initiate it. So its like you complained about me and now you miss it. So i know i am not as romantic as i can be. I want to change that. I really do. He is definitely worht it. I am also trying to respect his time apart. He needs space and i get it. This morning before he left for work i drew him an I AM SORRY picture with my daughter's crayons. I snuck it in his car and put it on the steering wheel. I was expecting to see it in my car ripped up when i left for work. Surprisingly i did not. I hope it made him smile.
He set the boundaries. It's not acceptable to deny affection because of resentment. Is he still wanting some time apart, are you working on this issue? Lots of people here are experiencing the same issue, btw.
(I am "sleeping in the other bedroom" as well). Baby steps, some counselling, and just practicing communicating what we want.
He set the boundaries. It's not acceptable to deny affection because of resentment. Is he still wanting some time apart, are you working on this issue? Lots of people here are experiencing the same issue, btw.
(I am "sleeping in the other bedroom" as well). Baby steps, some counselling, and just practicing communicating what we want.
Yes he is still sleeping in the other room. This is farely new, since Sunday. He is not communicating with me but did communicate to get me dinner when the first night he got food for himself. I think he wants to talkt o me but wants to keep his "Time apart" going. I can respect that. Although it is tough, i am sepnding time thinking, praying, and going about my everyday duties. I hope things work out. i think they will but this is hard.
Get the book His Needs Her Needs and read it asap. Don't wait til you have time between studying. It will explain about Love Busters, Emotional Needs, women having to have an emotional connection to want to have SF, and needing to spend 10-15 hours a week together as a couple doing non work/child/house-related stuff so you keep the love alive. If you can, get him to read it WITH you. It is a huge eye-opener and will explain everything (assuming he's not cheating).
Husband wants time apart 
