Re: Help!! Friends husband controlling??
I have been bestfriends with my friend for 18 plus years..we did everything together and lived right next to each other before she got married! I was thrilled for her when she got engaged! Now, she is married and lives 2 hrs away from me! When its her bday or she wants a "girls day" because frankly we all need one sometimes lol i would drive to go see her and stay in the guest bedroom at her house!
She never rarely comes here because if she does or tries, her husband gives her a guilt trip as id like to call it and she calls me to tell me that he is whining about it so she just decides to stay at home. RECENTLY being this is her first marriage, she calls me saying he is driving her nuts and we laugh about it lol but she stated she really wanted to have a girls vacay! She called me saying that she had a week of pto from work and gave me the dates she was able to take off and suggested maybe a weekend to vegas, or a 4 day cruise! She was adament for me to look around for us and was overly excited one day when i called her and told her my boss was able to let me off those same days as well and i gave her some information on prices to las vegas in may.
She was very happy and said she would talk to her husband about it to inform him and get back with me, so i said great! The next day, she called me and i asked her about it, she said well, he said its going to be way too hot during that time and he told her that she probably wouldnt like it! so she said check on a cruise. (I thought this was odd) meanwhile 2 days later she text me again stating that i needed to get on the ball because she had to let her boss know within reasonable time so i called that day got a awesome quote on a cruise during the time we both could go!
Called her and this time she said she was so excited again, we talked about all the things we could do etc and she asked when would the money be due! 45 min later she sent me a text saying that her husband was not thrilled about her going once again. I asked her why? She said that he wasnt thrilled about her going with me. I asked her what that meant? And he should have no reason to ever have a problem.with her going ANYWHERE with me as shes been around me for 18 yrs plus!
Now with this being said, throughout their relationship before marriage, anytime she wanted to have one or two days with her friends he would throw a tantum and she would always retract hanging out with us. ( most of the hanging out might i add is just girls watching movies and doing nails at home) lol NOW that they are married its gotten worse. Even on her bday she begged me to come down and i did and he seemed upset she spent the day with me at the mall doing girls things she wanted to do and planned herself but she came home to him and all his family there so it wasnt like she wasnt with him as well.
Also he has told her that when she wants to come home to see her parents that she cant be doing that very often because she is a married woman now and she needs to be sleeping in her own bed at home with her husband. She has no family where she now currently lives its all his family. Now, iam not married but ive had my bf for 3 years now. We all started dating at the same time. She has called me also before crying and stating that he tells her shes too independent sometimes and that she needs to start consulting him and being respectful in the fact to ask him for advice for everything. I may be wrong but sometimes i have a feeling that he may be a tad bit controlling by the things he says or in how he acts!
The one thing that stuck out at me was that right before they were married one time me and her had a little disagreement for say about 5 minutes and he told me that, "hey just try to get along before the wedding because once we are married i have a say so and can tell her what to do" and ill never forget that! And everytime she wants to make plans to do something with friends he cries and throws guilt trips and she says well he doesn't want me to go he is being a big baby again so i guess ill stay home.. am i wrong to be a little worried about my friend that one day he might exhibit more controlling manners? Im not going to say something to her because if i do i know ill friendship will end BUT at what point can she keep her friendship as well?? I want any comments regarding this and all opinions are welcome! Im wanting advice on this! Please and thank you!!! Help me understand and figure this out if its even something to figure out!!!
Paragraphs added so people are more likely to read. It is concerning. A couple of points I will make; you only have her version of events and it might well be that she has just got a bit married and settled and is putting the blame on her husband. Essentially, Marc878 might be spot-on and there is nothing to worry about at all.
There is a second possibility too. There is a type of man (people on here annoy me by referring to them as "nice guys") who flaunt their vulnerability to attract women's emotional attachment and sent the message that their emotional life is paramount above all else. There are also plenty of women who go for this schtick. If that is the case, the marriage might well be long and faithful. These types of ego-maniac men often have very long stable marriages.
Or, thirdly, he really is a controlling bellend. In which case, all you can do is remain her friend and not push it until she needs you as a friend.