The Notebook kind of relationship? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-04-2011, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
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The Notebook kind of relationship?

Has anybody ever seen that movie? In high school i was with a girl and it was like that. I fell head over heals for her. But like every relationship we had our problems, and we had brought other partners into the relationship. Right now im dating another girl, im happy in life but i just feel like its not right. My ego, feelings of hurt and betrayal, and trust problems arise everytime we try to work it out. But in the movie i like this part the best...
Allison: Look were already fighting.
Noah: Its what we do. You tell me when im being an arrogant son of a b!tch and i tell you when your being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time.
Allison: So what.
Noah: So its not going to be easy. Its going to be hard. And were going to have to work at this every day cause i love you.

When do you call it quites? No more? Ill admit im with a rebound. Shes not the one. She showed me this movie and all i could do is think about my ex. Is this fairy tale? Or is a real relationship filled with hurt and hard times and challenges? 99% of the time she is a pain in the ass, but that 1% ... is amazing...
Go to 97:30 into the movie. Thats an hour and a half and 30 secs into.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-04-2011, 03:57 PM
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Re: The Notebook kind of relationship?

I love that movie.

If she is a rebound, don't make her think you're into a major committment. You need to let her know that from the beginning so she doesn't go getting twitterpated over you.. Also, if you fight more than get along, that is not a good sign.

The Notebook is soo romantic but it's a movie. That ends in 1 1/2 hours. Not real life.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-04-2011, 10:48 PM
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Re: The Notebook kind of relationship?

I duno. My grandparents had that kind of relationship.

My stepdad and my stepmom had that kind of love.

My uncle and my aunt had that marriage.

In all of those marriages, one partner is now passed. But I'll tell ya, their marriages were inspirational.

I know it can happen, takes more than what most of us got. I know my hubs and I got it, but it takes work. it's so easy to get lazy, but we can't afford to be stagnant anymore.

Yes, it's a movie, but I've seen it in real life...and I plan to have it too. Always a dreamer, i am....oh well, my dreams keep me going and I still get butterflies.

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-05-2011, 05:24 AM
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Re: The Notebook kind of relationship?

I find that most "movie" romances wind up like poor CB on the CWIF more then they wind up like the actual movie. You sould make sure your current girlfriend knows it's going nowhere.

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."ALBERT EINSTEIN
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-05-2011, 07:24 AM
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Re: The Notebook kind of relationship?

I adore the Notebook and I feel me & my husband have one of those story book romances. We do the whole ".....You tell me when im being an arrogant son of a b!tch and i tell you when your being a pain in the ass". We don't hold nothing back with each other. Though he would never say I am "99% of the time". More like 10% of the time or less. I am sure that was HIGHLY exaggerated - that quote. Didn't they have hot passionate "make up sex" right after that !? I can't remember, but it would make sense! I know that is how we are.

Granted I have always caused most of the fights, and in our teens, I left him for a short time for somenoe else, he waited for me -just like Noah. It was a very short time though, not enough to go off building any houses.

I can also very easily see my husband playing the part of Noah in old age if I lost my memory, also I do the whole journal thing & he would be be able to read my own words back to me like that. I HATE how sad that is -but I just know he is that type of man 100%. It can happen in real life too.

I think you are with the wrong woman, go back to your Ex, work things out....but does SHE feel the same about you??? If not, you will have to move on. IF a chance, pursue it -leave no stone unturned if she is still available, life should never have regrets. Go for what you truly want! When you find it is dead, GRIEVE , bury it and move on to another. You need to have these things resolved in your heart.

When people are young, depending on how they are brought up, we can bring alot of dysfunctions into a relationship, we are still learning about ourselves many times, not knowing what we want. I was a little of a mess when I met my husband, I had anger issues over my family life, but he stood beside me and put up with me, he saw something good. His love helped me pull through all of that. We emerged together, stronger.

Your situation makes me think of this song by Hinder, over your EX. Hinder - Lips Of An Angel - YouTube

I gave this advice on another thread- this is what I will teach my kids --in looking & settling for ...'the one"...

Ultimately we are ALL selfish and simply want what we want, this is nothing new under the sun. Being aware of this fact of life & making da** sure we are compatible before we marry this can avoid many many pitfalls after the vows....

What I will teach all of my children in how to choose a partner for life....this is my personal list so far...

1. Don't have sex too soon, it can create a bonding too fast, too soon (even a surprise pregnancy) where other important things are missed, overlooked. Hormones take over & common sense is LOST. TAKE TIME, get to know THE WHOLE PERSON, do things together, go places, make sure you genuinelly LIKE them, RESPECT them , and they should be on par as a BEST FRIEND before you take them to bed -if it can be helped of coare. A little romance is good !

2. KNOW YOURSELF & KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM LIFE , your hopes, your dreams. Have a vision, Be sure this BF or GF can fit into this, wants the same things, will be a "helpmate" in these same dreams. Are you both old fashioned in our views, traditional marraige type thing or agree both parents need to work, more modern.

3. HAVE SIMILAR BELIEFS and morals, so you will not spend the majority of your life judging the other and irratating them to anger over doctrine, etc.

4. COMMUNICATION - -know how to resolve conflict !! When I hear of couples who have been going out a few months, they think they have found "the one" sometimes I ask , did you have your 1st fight yet ? Until you have a few of those, you simply do not know each other well.

Every marraige will struggle if communication is not used effectively. If one is a Silent Treatment player, this has to be nipped in the butt. Be a listener as well as an effective communicator of your needs. Be open, honest in all things, undertanding & forgiving when it is called for . Excellent article here : Imagine Hope Counseling Group - Our Resources - PLANTING THE SEED OF INTERDEPENDENCE

And NO secrets. I have found this keeps us accountable to our spouses.

5. Do you agree on how to spend MONEY ? This is the #2 reason for Divorce. Don't think one will change, the habits you see in dating are likely habits for life. Know what you are marrying, a spender who will need HIGH cash volumes for happiness or a Saver who can relax a little , put his feet down some & still get his bills paid.

6. SEX ! Compatability is very important here - especially IF YOU LOVE SEX ! Many women's drives can take a dive after marraige & kids, knowing if she is a PLEASER by nature will be very helpful , if she can orgasm, does she feel passionate desire ? A ton of talking needs to be done here --what one expects in marraige & what is agreed upon -how to handle the dry spells ect. Even enjoyment of a little PORN should be openly discussed- so no surprises later & hurt feelings. And always keep the sex Spicey, buy a game, get a book, keep learning. It may be less than 10% of the marraige, but when it is lacking, it may feel like 90% of the problems.

7. Kids, how many , how to discipline them. Important !

8. Sexual attraction, never underestimate it, it is often the glue. A plan to keep the pounds off -if this is important to one partner, it IS for BOTH.

9. Do you genuinely ENJOY each other, crave to be with the other, laugh together ALOT, love getting away alone. Are you both Home buddies or both more the party type? Being similar can be very helpful here.

10. LOVE LANGUAGES - since we are ALL sefish, we should try to marry someone who closely matches our same love languages in a similar order. As we generally GIVE what we want to RECIEVE -unless we are just plain lazy.

What R You & Spouse's Love Languages & How does this affect your Marraige?

one more -

11. Know yours & your partners Inborn Temperments so you can understand them , how they think, why they react the way they do - this helps us know their strenghts -as well as their weaknesses.

Learning our Temperments & that of our Spouses to better understand them..

These are the things I will teach my children so they will marry well. I didn't know all of this when I married my husband, I think we just got LUCKY - but we have all of this going on and it has, for the most part, been a breeze.

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