My stbxw is ISTJ I’m ENFP/J. “Opposites” in everything. My wife is even an extreme introvert (95%) and I was an extreme extrovert (95%, been working that). In our case it was opposites attracting like powerful magnets, irresistible, passionate attraction.
Yep, this is what this my
"Please Understand Me" books says...
...."Now who would enjoy this frisky bubbly -yet serious--person? The Rock of Gibralter, of coarse--ISTJ, the trustee, who revels in keeping the books in order , balancing the budget, securing and ensuriing, stabilizing and steading, honornig contracts, keeping the ship on a steady course, and shipshape, delights also in providing anchorage & safe harbor for the heradic ENFP". Also says INTJ would be a suitable match.
AFEH, wouldn't you say this... had your wife got a handle on her weaknesses & turned them into at least half strengths, used them to help the marriage instead of hinder it, I bet you would still be married today , and happily...... Like the passive aggressive thing, it has to be a fact that the introverted suffer more from this issue, while the extroverted suffer more from being a Bull to explosion when we are upset. One needs to tone it down, the other needs to let it out.
I can tell you , my temperment can be a like a Mack truck IF I allow it (notice Martha Stewart for the Poster child on the "Thinking" aspect anyway) ...and what does it say....
"RUN"! I am capable of going too far in wanting things DONE...and NOW....and in a certain way... I research everything to a fine degree and inwardly think I am always right. If I allowed myself to conduct myself in this manner with everyone in my life, noone would be able to stand me!! They'd all be lining up inwardly wanting to do this ... :BoomSmilie_anim::BoomSmilie_anim::cussing:
I recognized when I started reading this stuff, I had many of those unfavorable choleric traits and some melancholy ones too (trying to be a perfectionist) in my youth. I was lucky my husband had the patience to put up with me, I surely had my moments! I could never stand Sanguines drowning in thier weaknesses, as they were the most irresponsible ones in the bunch, they forget everything they promise, rarely can you count on them to finish a project, they are too busy talking & charming, goofing off . Oh did such things irritate me.
But I have worked to overcome much of these overly judgemental weaknesses for the most part, toned down my expectations of others. One of my best friends told me a few years back that I used to "intimidate" her when we were in High School. And I was even SHY back then. I had no idea! She says I am so much better today, even ALOT more laid back than I used to be, some may even think I am a cheerfully optimistic Sanquine -if they was to guess by how I conduct myself , but so not the case.
For every thread like this - I simply MUST add this saying.... also from the book ...
Amazon.com: Please Understand Me: Character and Temperament Types (9780960695409): David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates: Books
"Different Drums for Different Drummers"
If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.
Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.
Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.
Or yet if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be. I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.
If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right--- FOR ME. To put up with me is the 1st step to understanding me.
Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.
I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, or your colleague. But whatever our relation, this I know: You are I are fundamentally
different and both of us have to march to our own drummer.