Wondering if my wife is cheating
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wondering if my wife is cheating

We have been married for 16 years. My second marriage and her first. My first marriage ended after three years due to an affair she had.

We have had a lot of problems over the years. Fighting fairly often. But the one I want to address for now is my concern she is cheating. About ten or so years ago I was sitting on the couch one day and her cell was beside me. It lite up with a tell and just as I was about to tell her I saw I love you on it. You now what I did next. She said it was P. P was her ex high school sweetheart of several years. Someone I also had to issues of her talking with as long as it was up front.

She is still best friends with his sister and she used to go over to her moms house when she still lived there. P would be there sometimes and that was fine with me. Not the jealous type. However, trust is important to me. Some see those two things as the same. I do not.

I never had any proof of what happened other than the text. I accepted her story that is was a poem he had written years ago and had lost it. That is what he could remember and wanted to know the rest. She said she continued talking with him becuase they never had closure.

Though I moved on with her it was never quite the same for me. Fast forward to a few months back. I get to noticing at a concert while we are standing she is getting text with no name. She would quickly open the phone so it disappeared but answered other friends. Instead of saying anything I waited and watched. Stating a couple of times along the way that I thought is was odd she never put names to people. She waved it of and went on. Then one night on the couch with the usual turn away the phone move I couldn't stand it anymore and took it. Nothing in it you won't say to a friend but she is smart enough to delete. She claimed it was P again. I couldn't believe she would do that again.

Still I didn't leave wanting it to be like she said. Of course by now I can't take my eyes of her phone now when I get the chance. A coupe weeks ago she put the name paynus anus on her phone and said it was J when I asked. Then later it was Z. Then is was L. That was it again. Once again she did not willing give me the phone. Once again she deleted before I could or at least had the opportunity and gave me her story. To add to this I was off work for 5 weeks during June and July. She works weekends and is off on weekdays. She when several places. Place she normally tells me she goes. Thing is I was never invited to go and waved it off when I asked. I already had trust issues with her among other things not included here. Not sure I can get passed it all. Ready to say goodbye. I am being to parinoid due to the past? Just not sure what to do.
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:42 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

Yeah, she's cheating. Do you have access to the phone bill? You'll need to check each number to see who answers, or match them up with people you know. Look for one number that she texts or calls more than the others. That will be him.

If she uses the computer, install a keylogger on it and have the report emailed to you, to see who she's contacting on line.

Ask a friend to follow her on nights when she's away from you. With a camera.

You need to get more proof first before you say anything.
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

I failed to say the the second time talking with P she said he contacted her with questions and she said she didn't know why she even replied to him. My question was why did you not tell me you knew what would happen. The last time she said it was someone else that is a male friend I know. he is recently divored and her claim is there were some text he forwarded to her that he wanted her to read. She thought I wouldn't understand. I told her it was rocket science that she would be referring to the text third party and not with I. I still haven't seen those text. She apperntly delete the proof.
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Old 10-10-2011, 03:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Yeah, she's cheating. Do you have access to the phone bill? You'll need to check each number to see who answers, or match them up with people you know. Look for one number that she texts or calls more than the others. That will be him.

If she uses the computer, install a keylogger on it and have the report emailed to you, to see who she's contacting on line.

Ask a friend to follow her on nights when she's away from you. With a camera.

You need to get more proof first before you say anything.
She knows about the keylogers from the first time. I blew up about it before I got anything. She strickly uses her phone. I was fool enough to give up friends when we married and spent my time with her. Friends are something I have been missing for quit a while now.
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Old 10-10-2011, 04:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

What kind of phone? Google the phone type and retrieving deleted texts
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Old 10-10-2011, 04:26 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

Iphone 4. Didn't know that was possible. That's Ill see what comes up.
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Old 10-10-2011, 04:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

Well, getting friends is a big part of what you should be doing right now. She has to see that you are unhappy with her, and one way to do that is to withdraw and get your own life.
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Old 10-10-2011, 05:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

The iPhone texts are logged in the backups when she syncs her phone. Happy hunting,
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Old 10-10-2011, 05:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

Also she showed me her phone bill last time. Along with the number of text. No calls were made and they were only a few of them. I took her word on who it was being so few text. How to you verify who a cell number belongs to anyway? Or can you?
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Old 10-10-2011, 06:07 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

Call them.

Many cheaters have throwaway phones. You could always velcro a voice-activated recorder under the seat of her car for a couple weeks and see what you come up with.
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Old 10-10-2011, 06:43 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

She could also be using a lot of apps on the phone like skype fb etc to communicate that don't show up on the bill.
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Old 10-11-2011, 03:41 AM   #12 (permalink)
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OK I'm very confused now. Since I had trouble believing her this time I ask her for her phone to pull up her text. She agreed. When it came time to plug it in she said no. They were bad and she would not let me read them. I asked why. She said she had been talking to Z longer than she claimed. I said big deal taking to Z doesn't bother me. I asked if they were having sex and she said no and then later yes and still did not want me to read them. I really did not believe it was Z. She tried to get me in my privates. Hit me with my belt and tried to bite me twice in order to get the phone back. I was expecting to really find something bad on it. She even deauthorized itunes while i was in the bathroom before I hooked the phone up.

Here's the kicker. I found 3000 texts mostly during the last three months. NOT ONE piece of info that a friend would't say to another. Nothing bad at all. Boy do I feel like and idiot. And I really think she is crazy at this point. The only thing I found were voice recordings. She has been recording some of our conversations. and now why so many lately have been steered by her and her drastic attempts to provoke me. She's up to something but I don't have a clue what. She's at her moms now. Left after I would not give the phone back. With all our other problems I have at least made my mind up about our future. Never wanted divorce but that seems to be the only choice. She is recording these conversations with her totally inoccent for a reason. Just don't know what it is.

Last edited by rebelm; 10-11-2011 at 03:53 AM.
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Old 10-11-2011, 08:21 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

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I asked if they were having sex and she said no and then later yes...
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Old 10-11-2011, 09:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

So now you know. She admits to cheating, and the recordings are likely her thinking she can use as evidence somehow.

I still think you aren't looking in the right app on the phone. Do not give the phone back and spend time checking out the other apps.
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Old 10-11-2011, 12:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wondering if my wife is cheating

Yeah, those are the 'good' texts. The nasty ones are elsewhere, on their own special app.

They have made plans to stick you with abuse or something so she can get you out of the house so he can move in.

Get a video recorder and keep it turned on any time she's in the room with you! Get a voice-activated recorder and keep it in your pocket at all times. She's trying to get you kicked out of the house. Do NOT leave!

If she wants him, she can go live with him.
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