Originally Posted by POPPYDOODLES66 View Post
He eventually admitted that he wasn't ready for this type of relationship and he moved out just over a month ago.....since then we've tried unsuccessfully to work through our issues...
1) the fact he excludes me from activites with the children
This may seem rude but it may also be reasonable in his mind, following the logic that he doesn't want a girlfriend to get too close to the kids unless he's ready to commit to her (i.e., get engaged) - this may seem unreasonable and perhaps it is, but it may be his way of protecting the children from disappointment or from being subjected to multiple step-dad's-girlfriends.
2)the fact he discusses the most intimate of details about our relationship with his mother (even bedroom issues)
That's totally unacceptable. If he's doing this, he has issues with boundaries. She probably does too, if she allows it.
3) the fact he considers his brothers and sister in laws needs above mine
4) the fact he has poor communication skills and can't communicate how he feels
5)the fact he hates confrontation(because of the volatile relationship his mum had with his dad that he witnessed as a child)....and this makes it very difficult to discuss anything without him retreating into his 'cave'
Poor communication skills can cause dozens of problems in any relationship, so I guess this is the obvious place to start working on the relationship.
Wow...reading back the above makes me feel like we're a lost cause.........these issues are just the tip of the iceberg!!!
You're probably not a lost cause, but I wonder how much of the iceberg is communication-related. Developing better communication between you (which requires trust, something he may have problems with especially after a divorce) should help.
But the main issue is that he just can't understand
yep, lack of communication - lack of understanding.
that i need to be loved differently to his family...i need to feel special.....that we are a team.....and he just seems unable to do this.....i think alot of it is he hasn't really flown the nest.....and feels that he still needs to make them all happy
This could well be the reason. A mama's boy makes a very poor husband. Do you know what contributed to the divorce? It might provide insight - you may be able to read between the lines of "his side of the story" and see breakdown in communication, not putting her first, etc. I don't know, just thinking out loud.
But I still think that you might be happier with a man who is not a father. I don't want to draw any fire for this but I will say that in my own life, I have dated ALL SORTS of guys - but never a father. I knew myself too well - I knew I didn't want to be second, and to end up resenting a child. So I just didn't go there. I think it was a good choice. It takes a more self-sacrificing woman than I am to do that and do it well.