How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?
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Old 10-11-2011, 11:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

I've been going out with a sweet & loving girl for a 4 months now. We started off really relaxed, nice and slow with dating, and things have been clicking and the chemistry has been amazing. We are exclusive now. I can tell she's really into me. She calls and texts me every day and seems genuinely concerned and curious about things going on in my life. I've fallen head over heals in love with her, and I'm also pretty sure she feels the same about me.

The problem is that we only see each other once a week, maybe twice at the most. We both have kids from previous marriages, and careers, projects and things that keep us busy. But I want to see her more! I get jealous of friends and family members who have boyfriends/girlfriends and significant others who get to hang out all the time. My girl, who seems to like me/love me, seems to not want to put in a lot of time together. It's strange because at times we'll talk on the phone in the evening and she'll tell me she misses me and that she's hanging around her house doing nothing. Yet when pressed to do something (even just hang around her place to watch a movie), I usually get excuses that she has to do this or that. It seems like it's a chore to set up dates or get-togethers with her.

So how do I get her to be crazy about me, where she is dying to spend more time with me just as much as I want to with her? It's killing me that I can't get more face time with her! But I don't want to come on too strong and smother her and appear too needy, clingy or whiny. Thanks in advance.
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Old 10-12-2011, 01:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

You get another girlfriend.

You aren't going to "change" her.
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Old 10-12-2011, 06:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

You can't GET anyone to really do anything they don't want to do.

Maybe she's trying to GET you to do something different.
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Old 10-12-2011, 08:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

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Old 10-12-2011, 09:27 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

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Originally Posted by DanF View Post
You get another girlfriend.

You aren't going to "change" her.
Get another girlfriend? Um...okay...

I'm not trying to change who she is. I'm simply trying to get her a bit more interested. Just like certain things can turn women off and repel them away, I'm just wanting tips on what appeals to them.

I had someone else on another love advice forum tell me to cut down on the amount of communication I do with her to make her "miss" me more. I can see a bit of logic behind that, but at the same time it would me miserable because I wouldn't see or talk to her as much. I think a relationship should be a "50/50" thing and not have one person suffer just to make the other a bit happier.
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Old 10-12-2011, 09:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

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Originally Posted by cheesehead View Post
Get another girlfriend? Um...okay...

I'm not trying to change who she is. I'm simply trying to get her a bit more interested. Just like certain things can turn women off and repel them away, I'm just wanting tips on what appeals to them.

I had someone else on another love advice forum tell me to cut down on the amount of communication I do with her to make her "miss" me more. I can see a bit of logic behind that, but at the same time it would me miserable because I wouldn't see or talk to her as much. I think a relationship should be a "50/50" thing and not have one person suffer just to make the other a bit happier.

What you think should work, isn't working. Plain and simple. You have to do something else if you want different results.

You can't 'get' her to do anything, she's a grown woman and is in total control of her life and what she wants in it and from it. Work on what is in your control and you'll be happier. Does it mean you miss her more? Maybe. It's a small sacrifice to get the prize IMO.

All you can do is express your feelings to her, tell her you really want to spend more time with her, but you're getting the impression she's not on the same page. Hear what she says, but pay closer attention to what she does. Lay it out there and if she still doesn't initiate, I would back off completely. At this point she needs to make efforts to show you she's as interested in being with you as she says she is.
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Old 10-12-2011, 10:02 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do I get my girlfriend to spend more time with me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cheesehead View Post
I'm not trying to change who she is. I'm simply trying to get her a bit more interested. Just like certain things can turn women off and repel them away, I'm just wanting tips on what appeals to them.

I had someone else on another love advice forum tell me to cut down on the amount of communication I do with her to make her "miss" me more. I can see a bit of logic behind that, but at the same time it would me miserable because I wouldn't see or talk to her as much. I think a relationship should be a "50/50" thing and not have one person suffer just to make the other a bit happier.
The advice you got on the other forum sounds good. As others have noted, you cannot make your gf want to spend any more time with you if she doesn't want to. Constantly getting in her face about it or being down about it, especially around her, will only set her heels more firmly.

You've been seeing each other only 4 months? That isn't a very long period of time. You each also have other commitments, including familial, ones. Perhaps she is wanting to proceed very slowly and cautiously because of that.

Ways to make yourself attractive? Being your own man - being confident, self-assured. Have your own hobbies and your own friends. Don't act like you are waiting around on her or moping after her - act like you've got your own life and live it. If she wants to come along for the ride, then she'd be privileged to do so.

Best wishes.
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