Hi there, I wouldn't normally go onto something like this but I'm at a loss as what to do. I feel like I don't want to tell friends or family for fear they will judge me, my husband, or both.
We have been together almost 10 years and married almost 5 years. In the last 6 months or so I feel I just cannot talk to my husband about anything. If I raise an issue for example like I feel he isn't really being affectionate, he gets annoyed and is like oh every few months you get like this what more can I do. I try to explain and he gets annoyed and it ends up in an argument where in the end I feel like I was being a drama queen over nothing. He has a way of speaking which is so condescending at times, I've told him this and that he makes me feel like I'm stupid or dramatic and he says he's not doing that. Everything I say has to be taken literally, like if I say oh you never really kiss me without me initiating it, he would say what do you mean never I kissed you last week! I try to be so precise in what I say so he can't take it wrong.
The latest argument came the night before last, it began as I had been away at a friends wedding the night before and when I got home it was like no chores we're done for the day and a half I was gone. No washing put on, no floors swept, and the house was untidy. We have a 21 month old son who he looked after for the night and the next morning, and he was studying part of the time for an exam, which I get. However, they were only small chores and I felt he could have done what I normally would do if I was home instead of me feeling like it was left for me to do when I get back. I tried to say nothing at first as I knew he would get annoyed, but when he pressed me as to why i seemed off (as I was cleaning) I said ah just the place is messy and no washing was done or anything while I was gone, he flipped and looked to angry. Then he wouldn't speak to me. I said can I talk to you about it later as I didn't want a row to start in front of our son, and he said I don't want you to talk to me later. We ended up off with each other for the evening and then we went to bed. When in bed asked could we just talk and could I explain what was bothering me about the house and he kept saying no he didn't want to hear it. I said can you not understand how horrible it sounds when I can't talk to you and you don't want to know what's bothering me, he eventually agreed to let me talk. I tried to explain calmly it wasn't the chores its was just how I felt in that moment coming home and seeing that he didn't think of me and how I would have to do it all and he said I should be less ungrateful that he looked after our son so I could go away for a night (I should point out its the first time I have gone away for. Whole night since he was born). He listed everything he was doing since I was gone and that he wasn't being lazy or idle. I knew this of course and once again I began to feel like a ***** for bringing it up at all. Anyway the row went on and on and eventually I got really annoyed and did raise my voice to him, I never swear but I got so frustrated I asked why did he take everything so f**ing literally it was infuriating, at which point he got up and said he was going to sleep in the spare room. I got upset at this as this never happened before, I said look please don't do that just stay here and he said all I had done for the past few minutes was shout and he wasn't putting up with it, he made me feel like a bold child and left the room. I then began to bawl crying, and I'm sure he could hear me as his door was ajar, and I had to get up at one point to get tissue. I was and am upset that I can talk to him, that he gets so annoyed at me and there is obviously a problem with us as every little issue turns into a row.
Then I remembered how he used to say how him being the cause of my sadness killed him and he would hate to hurt me, yet here I was in our bed alone and bawling and he wouldn't come to comfort me.
He didn't come back to bed, he stayed the night in the spare room. I eventually fell asleep from exhaustion. The next day (yesterday) we didn't speak unless we had to, and last night he came to bed I had closed the door, he asked why I closed the door when I went to bed and I said I thought he wanted to sleep in the spare room again as his phone etc. Wasn't there, he said did I want him to or something, I said no I thought you wanted to. He got into bed, we didn't speak, we fell asleep. This morning i got up with our son, gave him breakfast etc. Before I left for work, he was dropping him to the childminder later as he is on night shifts this week. I said goodbye to my son and kissed him and mumbled bye to my husband as I left for work. He mumbles back. Now here I am, home after a long hard day. He is at work and we haven't spoken again today. I dont know when we will speak, he is on nights this week in work, and to be honest, I am afraid to try to sort it. I'm afraid of the reaction and feeling like it was all my fault in the first place. I know I'm not innocent, I do raise my voice at time and sometimes maybe I shouldn't Bring up things that bother me, he says I should be grateful for our lovely house, healthy son etc. And I've nothing to complain about.
What do I do? I don't know how to fix this. He has really hurt me, he made me feel so small when he walked out the other night, and so unloved that he could ignore me crying like that. I do love him, but I have felt resentment the last 2 days that I haven't before. I don't know if we should get counselling or what to do.
Thanks for reading this, I know it's long winded. Just venting has helped a little, but to know I'm not alone would help too. :crying:
We have been together almost 10 years and married almost 5 years. In the last 6 months or so I feel I just cannot talk to my husband about anything. If I raise an issue for example like I feel he isn't really being affectionate, he gets annoyed and is like oh every few months you get like this what more can I do. I try to explain and he gets annoyed and it ends up in an argument where in the end I feel like I was being a drama queen over nothing. He has a way of speaking which is so condescending at times, I've told him this and that he makes me feel like I'm stupid or dramatic and he says he's not doing that. Everything I say has to be taken literally, like if I say oh you never really kiss me without me initiating it, he would say what do you mean never I kissed you last week! I try to be so precise in what I say so he can't take it wrong.
The latest argument came the night before last, it began as I had been away at a friends wedding the night before and when I got home it was like no chores we're done for the day and a half I was gone. No washing put on, no floors swept, and the house was untidy. We have a 21 month old son who he looked after for the night and the next morning, and he was studying part of the time for an exam, which I get. However, they were only small chores and I felt he could have done what I normally would do if I was home instead of me feeling like it was left for me to do when I get back. I tried to say nothing at first as I knew he would get annoyed, but when he pressed me as to why i seemed off (as I was cleaning) I said ah just the place is messy and no washing was done or anything while I was gone, he flipped and looked to angry. Then he wouldn't speak to me. I said can I talk to you about it later as I didn't want a row to start in front of our son, and he said I don't want you to talk to me later. We ended up off with each other for the evening and then we went to bed. When in bed asked could we just talk and could I explain what was bothering me about the house and he kept saying no he didn't want to hear it. I said can you not understand how horrible it sounds when I can't talk to you and you don't want to know what's bothering me, he eventually agreed to let me talk. I tried to explain calmly it wasn't the chores its was just how I felt in that moment coming home and seeing that he didn't think of me and how I would have to do it all and he said I should be less ungrateful that he looked after our son so I could go away for a night (I should point out its the first time I have gone away for. Whole night since he was born). He listed everything he was doing since I was gone and that he wasn't being lazy or idle. I knew this of course and once again I began to feel like a ***** for bringing it up at all. Anyway the row went on and on and eventually I got really annoyed and did raise my voice to him, I never swear but I got so frustrated I asked why did he take everything so f**ing literally it was infuriating, at which point he got up and said he was going to sleep in the spare room. I got upset at this as this never happened before, I said look please don't do that just stay here and he said all I had done for the past few minutes was shout and he wasn't putting up with it, he made me feel like a bold child and left the room. I then began to bawl crying, and I'm sure he could hear me as his door was ajar, and I had to get up at one point to get tissue. I was and am upset that I can talk to him, that he gets so annoyed at me and there is obviously a problem with us as every little issue turns into a row.
Then I remembered how he used to say how him being the cause of my sadness killed him and he would hate to hurt me, yet here I was in our bed alone and bawling and he wouldn't come to comfort me.
He didn't come back to bed, he stayed the night in the spare room. I eventually fell asleep from exhaustion. The next day (yesterday) we didn't speak unless we had to, and last night he came to bed I had closed the door, he asked why I closed the door when I went to bed and I said I thought he wanted to sleep in the spare room again as his phone etc. Wasn't there, he said did I want him to or something, I said no I thought you wanted to. He got into bed, we didn't speak, we fell asleep. This morning i got up with our son, gave him breakfast etc. Before I left for work, he was dropping him to the childminder later as he is on night shifts this week. I said goodbye to my son and kissed him and mumbled bye to my husband as I left for work. He mumbles back. Now here I am, home after a long hard day. He is at work and we haven't spoken again today. I dont know when we will speak, he is on nights this week in work, and to be honest, I am afraid to try to sort it. I'm afraid of the reaction and feeling like it was all my fault in the first place. I know I'm not innocent, I do raise my voice at time and sometimes maybe I shouldn't Bring up things that bother me, he says I should be grateful for our lovely house, healthy son etc. And I've nothing to complain about.
What do I do? I don't know how to fix this. He has really hurt me, he made me feel so small when he walked out the other night, and so unloved that he could ignore me crying like that. I do love him, but I have felt resentment the last 2 days that I haven't before. I don't know if we should get counselling or what to do.
Thanks for reading this, I know it's long winded. Just venting has helped a little, but to know I'm not alone would help too. :crying: