Looks like you are hurting today, Ynot. I know the feeling too often. Sometimes, it just doesn't seem fair.
After reading a few of these posts, I realized, and I don't know why it occurred to me now instead of years ago, that I got at least one list of things she wanted changed. It shocked me. I did intend to work on those things. Guess what? I didn't. I don't even know why I didn't? I think part of it was that I forgot about the list with all of life's other things going on. I think. I really don't remember. It could very well be that I gave up because they were things I could not change, only work on and I felt it was useless. I just don't remember, to tell the honest truth.
Here's the thing. I think my second ex just convinced herself she wanted something she wasn't ready to have. I think she was hurting from some other relationships and her previous marriage. I think her daughter gave her so much to worry about, she couldn't take any more worry from a new husband. And, believe me, there are things to worry about with a new husband. It's normal. It isn't all peaches and cream, even when you get along well.
So, I sort of think she just one day realized she did the wrong thing in marrying me. I think she was so deep in denial about her true wants and needs before the wedding, she couldn't believe whatever red flags she saw in me that made us incompatible.
Hell, I know I missed some red flags.
I also think she wanted this dream she had in her head, so much, she tried to become the woman she thought I was looking for. I think she gave it an honest try, believing we were right for each other. Maybe we were, but we tried too hard? I don't know.
One thing I do know is she decided I wasn't right for her. I didn't. That means she made the mistake, not me. She showed a woman I wanted. How would I realize that she wasn't who she represented to me? You couldn't either. I was in love with her and that caused me to find things that were compatible. And, there were those things, but they weren't enough for our exes.
It's okay to have bad days. Take care of yourself. You deserve to have some compassion for yourself. This too shall pass.