Originally Posted by rickymonteroman View Post
Her disinterest in me extends outside of the bedroom, too. Frequently when I come home from work, I find her on the couch watching a reality show, and she won't even look up to acknowledge I've come home.
Ricky, as other posters have noted, she may simply never have loved you. Yet, if you feel that is not true, it sounds like your W may have mild to strong traits of SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder). SPDers (i.e., those with strong traits) feel lost when living alone. So they have a strong desire to live with a spouse. Yet, they have trouble establishing personal relationships or expressing their feelings in a meaningful way and usually remain passive in the face of unfavorable situations. It is common for their communication with other people to be indifferent and concise at times.
The result is that they rarely form deep relationships with people, which is why their romantic relationships are mostly focused on relatively superficial things. And their friendships may consist in relatively superficial exchange of information. Yet, if your W really is an SPDer, she is a rare type that would be hard for a therapist to diagnose -- as I note below.
Most of our friends would never believe this about her, because in public she is considerate, charming, possibly even over-friendly. She will do anything to appear polite for friends and strangers often at sacrifice to herself (and me).
Generally, SPDers avoid that type of interaction with other people. Instead, they spend time alone with only a few family members. Those SPDers, who meet the Diagnostic Manual (DSM-IV) definition of the schizoid personality, are what psychologist Ralph Klein calls overt
Klein observes, however, that there is a small subgroup of SPDers whose dysfunctional behavior is covert
, i.e., hidden from casual friends and business associates. Klein calls these people "Secret Schizoids" because they appear to casual friends as being socially available, charming, engaged, and considerate -- while at the same time remaining emotionally withdrawn and sequestered within the safety of their own internal world.
If this discussion rings a bell, Ricky, you can read more about secret schizoids
at Schizoid personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
and at Secret Schizoid Personality Disorder | Lovesick Love
. If those discussions sound very familiar, I suggest you obtain a professional opinion by seeing a clinical psychologist -- on your own -- for a visit or two. Take care, Ricky.