sc5971

Ive been married 5 years to a good wife but about a year and half ago an old friend found me from my teenage years and we started talking, alot. then we just met up and things happened. I never planned it or even thought about it really it just seemed so natural. Its been ongoing for over a year and I feel so bad and quilty but I also fell in love with her. She loves me like no other and begs me to come be with her forever to the point of us crying about our hurt and pain of not being together. I am so scared to leave my wife and life behind to be with her but its so hard. We are in diferent countries but talk daily and see each other as often as possible but its been very very strained lately as she is very lonely and sees this as not going anywere and wants to either have me or move on. We both are hurting but I just cant take the leap. Im afraid of what my family and friends would think and also my life would drastically change in general. Im so lost and confused and dont want to make a mistake of leaping on emeotion but also cant stand the thought of staying with my wife if she isnt the right one but losing my chance to be with my past love. anyone help

deejov

past love. That's just it. She's the past. So put it behind you, and live up to the marriage.
There is no such thing as the perfect person for you. There is only the person you are with, and learning to love them, as they are, today. Because people change. So the love of your life is merely the person who best reflects YOUR current state of emotions, at this given point in time. In 5 years... she won't be right for you either.

I"m sorry you are in so much pain, but to put it this way --- there's a good chance your wife will leave YOU when you tell her anyways. So go enjoy the next 5 years with your past, and keep looking in the rear view mirror instead of the winshield. No bugs that way, I guess. Imagine the pain your wife is going to be in when you tell her. Might as well pull the band aid off quickly, and just spill it out to her.

Here's hoping you have the courage to work things out with your wife.
And hoping your past doesn't also have a husband?

papa5280

Any kids...on any side of the equation?

CH

Like deejov said, she was the ex for a reason.

You don't live with her 24/7 yet, the OW or OM always looks so much better until you both move in and then either the fireworks starts or WW4 nukes the crap out of the both of you.

And what happens after another X number of years when the love of your life becomes stale and boring and it's not exciting anymore? Find another excuse to move on again?

You talk to the ex, but you have no idea what she is really like once you're around each other 24/7.

sc5971

no kids, and we do know each other very well. She knows me much better than my wife. I feel much more comfortable with her than I ever have with anyone. I just worry that Im always thinking the grass is greener. Ive always been searching for that something and still am I guess. Im one of those people that is never happy. But I feel she may be able to make me happy. Just feels that way. Never did before.

dwalt78

Lets talk about your wife for a minute. Why did you marry your wife and tell us about her?

deejov

Nuff said. You describe yourself as a romantic, always searching for that perfect person that will make you happy. I'ts honorable, but it isn't reality.

Everything you need to be happy in life is inside YOU, not someone else. Not much I can say here to make you believe that, you either 'get it' or you don't.

You would be a good candidate for a long term relationship, not marriage. You would probably enjoy just seriously dating people, keeping your options open at all times for that person who is just a little bit better. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you acknowledge it and go into the next relationship with a lesson learned.

It seems that your mind is made up, and you will leave your wife for greener pastures. Please be as kind as possible. What kind of advice are you looking for?

Jellybeans

Tell your wife about the affair. A year is a long time to be cheating on her.

That way, she will have a choice in the matter (once you tell her) since she hasn't the entire time.

My advice is to stop having your affair and decide what you want to do.