The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart
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Old 12-17-2008, 12:10 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

What advice or ideas could you share regarding this issue...?
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Old 12-17-2008, 06:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

The short answer... is to realize that the feeling is entirely based on an illusion. It's a kind of grieving based on the thought of having lost something that you thought you had that you did not actually have.

One thing that might help is to focus on the richness in your life as it is, now. Everything else is just make-believe. If you invest in make-believe, it often waits in the wings to bite your butt when you least expect it.

Another way to look at it, is that the feeling of a broken heart is just your love and desire expressing itself in a confusing way. Like when a loved one dies.

A friend of mine fell off a mountain. I cried every now and then. By the time I got to his funeral, I just felt peace. When I gave a speech about him, I was beaming from ear to ear as I re-told anecdotes of his outrageous antics. It turned out that of all the speakers, I had known him longest (bar his parents), I realised that it was such a privilege to have know him. I think any sadness I still feel is just because I never wanted it to end. But unlike me, his face never ages in my mind. He is stuck at 45, very fit and healthy.
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Old 12-17-2008, 06:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

There are many things to do to help with a broken heart. Some are healthy and others are not. It really depends on the person. You have to allow yourself to hurt in order to allow the healing to begin. To deny your feelings, is to deny who you are. At first it is very hard to deal with a broken heart as I'm sure you know. I think what you need to do is ask yourself if you did everything you could in the relationship to keep it from ending. If the answer is yes, then it was out of your control all along. Acceptance of this is your first step. The heart ache will get better day by day. If you feel like the heart ache is more than you can bear at times, find a healthy distraction. Go hang out with friends. They will help get your mind off of your hurt. Friends are great that way. Take up a hobby, like putting puzzles together. Read some books. Write out your feelings on paper. This is a great way of getting your feelings out there. Find a friend to lean on and tell them your feelings. If they are a good friend, they will listen to you and give you advice from their own life. Or, they could give you some objective ideas that you can't think of right now because of the frame of mind you are in.

I hope some of these ideas help. I know from reading your posts that you have a daughter. Pour yourself into your daughter. Give her all the love you have in your heart. I know with a broken heart it's sometimes hard to project love to others, but your daughter deserves all the love you have in your heart and more. The love that she gives back to you will also help with the healing process. From experience I know that with a broken heart comes the feeling that no one loves you or will ever love you. But, your children will always love you unconditionally, just as you love them. And, I believe there is someone out there that will love you as much as you love them. Although, I don't think now is the time for you to get into another relationship. You need to heal before deciding to do that, in my opinion, or you will carry your hurt into that relationship.

Good luck and hang in there. It will get easier with every passing day.
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Old 05-14-2009, 12:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

I went through this recently and I just wanted to add that prayer helps.

I have found that knowing God is in control and he will heal us and help us move on in our lives has a profound effect.

I dont know if you are spiritual but just in my situation letting go and following the reasoning that there are brighter days ahead has really helped. Like the old saying when God closes one door somewhere he opens a window, a cliche I know but it has gotten me through.

Hope this helps.
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Old 05-14-2009, 12:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RestlessInGeorgia View Post
There are many things to do to help with a broken heart. Some are healthy and others are not. It really depends on the person. You have to allow yourself to hurt in order to allow the healing to begin. To deny your feelings, is to deny who you are. At first it is very hard to deal with a broken heart as I'm sure you know. I think what you need to do is ask yourself if you did everything you could in the relationship to keep it from ending. If the answer is yes, then it was out of your control all along. Acceptance of this is your first step. The heart ache will get better day by day. If you feel like the heart ache is more than you can bear at times, find a healthy distraction. Go hang out with friends. They will help get your mind off of your hurt. Friends are great that way. Take up a hobby, like putting puzzles together. Read some books. Write out your feelings on paper. This is a great way of getting your feelings out there. Find a friend to lean on and tell them your feelings. If they are a good friend, they will listen to you and give you advice from their own life.
Although, I don't think now is the time for you to get into another relationship. You need to heal before deciding to do that, in my opinion, or you will carry your hurt into that relationship.
so true
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Old 05-14-2009, 02:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

Rebound chic/dude is the quickest way to get over someone IMHO. But might not be the best..
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Old 05-14-2009, 04:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

A new relationship wouldn't be fair to your new partner. You will need time to heal. KEEP BUSY! Keep your mind occupied! Concentrate on a book (not TV!). Rent a movie you'd like to see. Take up bowling. Bicycle around the area (for exercise).

I was dumped recently by my gf of 4 years (with absolutely no explanation!) and she married her neighbor a month later! That hurt!! And shocked the living heck out of me!

If you're feeling anxiety or panic attacks, like you're living on adreniline, your heart's racing, your hands shaking, ask your doctor about xanax for a little while. Take a half pill only when you're feeling highly anxious. It will calm you down very well...not put you to sleep (although it may help you to sleep at night).

If you do drink, do not drink to oblivion. It won't help (ask me how I know! ) and will make you feel worse later. Maybe a glass or two of wine to help relax and sleep. But not the whole bottle. I spent 3 days extremely drunk when I found out about her getting married. That was 3 days I could started the healing sooner...sigh.

It may take months to heal. Then you could see about new friends. Just keep busy. Don't sit and think. Don't try to understand it. It just is, now.
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:17 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

Every situation, every person is different. Prayer, faith, therapy, hobbies, friends, mediation, yoga, exercise, etc.. A journal is a great way to write down your thoughts and feelings. Eventually the feelings fade but the MEMORY of your heartache might always be there. Our lives are shaped by our past experiences good or bad. But please don't try and find someone else to make those bad feelings go away. Work through things in your own time. It's not fair to mess with someone else's emotions or feelings. Eventually you'll start to feel better. Emotions come in waves. Cry when you have to. Laugh when you have to. Punch something when you have too. Ride the waves, don't try to deny your feelings and swim against and drown. Then hopefully you'll meet someone wonderful someday that will remind you the world is a great big place filled with others that can truly make you happy again. Prayers and best of luck to you.
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Old 05-14-2009, 07:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

A new relationship based on my choosing.

That was the key.
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Old 05-15-2009, 08:51 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: The Best Way to Overcome a Broken Heart

in my experience a rebound relationship not the best idea from the get go, I would take your time with that, at least a couple of months. A fun night or two (hopefully will become more) with the opposite during this time will greatly help your self asteem moving forward.
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