Arguments - Page 2

is it me? · 10-24-2007, 01:02 PM

The wife and I fight almost every week. It of course is over the most mundaine things, but it blows up and we say hurtful things and we are always trying to prove a point or point fingers, its all about who is right and wrong. I try not to be that way, but my wife drags me into her way of arguing. Things normally settle down after a day sometimes two. It usually ends in me apologizing and my wife saying nothing.

draconis · 10-24-2007, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by is it me?

The wife and I fight almost every week. It of course is over the most mundaine things, but it blows up and we say hurtful things and we are always trying to prove a point or point fingers, its all about who is right and wrong. I try not to be that way, but my wife drags me into her way of arguing. Things normally settle down after a day sometimes two. It usually ends in me apologizing and my wife saying nothing.

Try to not raise your voice. Many times arguments escalate because of volume.

W: "Did you break the dish?"

H: "No dear."

W: "Well I didn't!"

H: "I believe you."

W: "Well you must have!"

H: "No I did not."

W: "Well who did then?"

H: "I do not know."

Short, sweet and calm.

draconis

Andrea · 10-25-2007, 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Arguments

When was your last argument with your significant other?

How often do you argue?

Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ? Do they?

How fast is the issue(s) solved?

draconis

Our last arguement was about me not trusting him. He did something I didnt agree with and lied about it. (that is all I am saying about that)

We rarely ever argue. We have been together for over 4 yrs but been married since Feb. And we have arguements maybe about twice a year?? We have little disagreements here and there but as for major ones, not often.

I will admit, we are both guilty of bring up old dirt. Im not proud of it, but if its still in my head im gonna bring it up.

Our issues are USUALLY resolved within a 24hr period. Sometimes it takes a few minutes, sometimes a few maybe several hours. It all depends on how major the fight was and what the issue is. Sometimes I get so mad that i choose not to talk to him for like a day cause i dont want to say something hurtful or mean that will make him feel bad. So sometimes its best that way.

riskey58 · 10-29-2007, 05:19 PM

My husband and I have been married for over 30 years, and yes we have had are arguments. But has you grow you will find yhat you argue less and less. But it is just getting through the rough spots at first.

oceanbreeze · 10-30-2007, 03:03 AM

my fiance and i have been together 6 years now. the stupidest thing we fight over is food. i guess i become greedy. the big fights usually over insecurites, jealousy, and money and the BIGGEST one is his mother. whenever he sees her and then my family and i or just myself sees him afterwards... it's like he's been poisoned. he's not someone to be around after he has seen her. all these emotions he has towards his mother conflict within himself and his face even seems to get distorted in a pain that i dont know how to explain.

if he wants to cause an arguement i just say, "what you want start an argument?" and he says no and i say so "what is bothering you? what happened today that's making you upset?"

but when i get mad and into an argument, and being that he ISNT so articulate in verbal communication, our fights tend to last a month or two. and it's not everyday. it's about 5 minutes every couple of days that i bring it up until all the information is out and i know okay that this is it, it's done. usually, to have an argument with him is even difficult because he just shuts off and then there's nothing at all. so this is why i do the little by little every few days until things just finally unfold. get's tiring, but he's been getting pretty good at just coming out with it these days.

miss.kitty · 10-30-2007, 09:54 PM

When was your last argument with your significant other? Um.. a few days ago.

How often do you argue? We use to argue a lot, like weekly. Now it seems like we do maybe once a month.

Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ? Do they? I am guilty of this, because I do it a lot. He has at times, but not nearly as often as I have.

How fast is the issue(s) solved? It's never solved, it's just dropped. I hate that this is how it is, but he is just impossible to talk to. When I try to solve something he just sees it as me trying to keep arguing.

draconis · 10-31-2007, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miss.kitty

When was your last argument with your significant other? Um.. a few days ago.

How often do you argue? We use to argue a lot, like weekly. Now it seems like we do maybe once a month.

Have you every brought up old stuff later on after the issue was resolved ? Do they? I am guilty of this, because I do it a lot. He has at times, but not nearly as often as I have.

How fast is the issue(s) solved? It's never solved, it's just dropped. I hate that this is how it is, but he is just impossible to talk to. When I try to solve something he just sees it as me trying to keep arguing.

Is it that he sees you as trying to keep arguing or does he see it as you trying to have your own way?

draconis

miss.kitty · 10-31-2007, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Is it that he sees you as trying to keep arguing or does he see it as you trying to have your own way?

draconis

I think he sees it more as me wanting the last word. But he probably sees it as that as well.

draconis · 10-31-2007, 04:04 PM

Well next time you argue and things are going how you feel comfortable look at him say you have the last word. He says whatever and just look at him after and say what do you want for supper or what ever. It is a good way to lighten arguments.

draconis

miss.kitty · 11-01-2007, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by draconis

Well next time you argue and things are going how you feel comfortable look at him say you have the last word. He says whatever and just look at him after and say what do you want for supper or what ever. It is a good way to lighten arguments.

draconis

I have done that and he sees it as me just being a [blank!] I always let him have the last word or it would never end.

kajira · 11-02-2007, 10:20 AM

Last arguement was last night - Nothing resolved - For the first time in 3.5 years I went out with some co-workers for a drink after work. It was something we had planned and I had discussed with the previous night. At about 15 min before I was to leave from work he calls "can you pick up milk", he did not remember at all. It is little things like this that make me feel like he never listens. On top of everything else my grandfather passed away yesterday morning, so the day was emotionally charged. As I was out with co-workers he proceed to call, drill me about where I was, he wanted to come and have a drink with me, I said no, "i didn't want him there" anyway it got ugly from there. He has apoligized over and over and this morning. Why do men behave badily? I just wanted a few minutes to breathe............txs for listening

draconis · 11-02-2007, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kajira

Last arguement was last night - Nothing resolved - For the first time in 3.5 years I went out with some co-workers for a drink after work. It was something we had planned and I had discussed with the previous night. At about 15 min before I was to leave from work he calls "can you pick up milk", he did not remember at all. It is little things like this that make me feel like he never listens. On top of everything else my grandfather passed away yesterday morning, so the day was emotionally charged. As I was out with co-workers he proceed to call, drill me about where I was, he wanted to come and have a drink with me, I said no, "i didn't want him there" anyway it got ugly from there. He has apoligized over and over and this morning. Why do men behave badily? I just wanted a few minutes to breathe............txs for listening

It sounds like he has a problem communicating and specially the listening part. Generally speaking it takes a thousand good things to make up for one bad thing in the relationship. Boy is your husband in debt!

draconis

miss.kitty · 11-02-2007, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kajira

Last arguement was last night - Nothing resolved - For the first time in 3.5 years I went out with some co-workers for a drink after work. It was something we had planned and I had discussed with the previous night. At about 15 min before I was to leave from work he calls "can you pick up milk", he did not remember at all. It is little things like this that make me feel like he never listens. On top of everything else my grandfather passed away yesterday morning, so the day was emotionally charged. As I was out with co-workers he proceed to call, drill me about where I was, he wanted to come and have a drink with me, I said no, "i didn't want him there" anyway it got ugly from there. He has apoligized over and over and this morning. Why do men behave badily? I just wanted a few minutes to breathe............txs for listening

It sounds like he was a little jealous too. Maybe you guys could plan a night out together for the future, especially if it's something you don't get to do too often.