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Revisited: Making A Man Wait For Sex

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#1 ·
When I read an interesting thread here on TAM, many times I'll visit some other (random) forums to read about other people's experiences in the same/similar situation(s). Time and time again, I will read about how some man is angry because the woman he is dating is "making" him wait for sex.

This couldn't be further from the truth.

While it's true that SOME women will consciously "make" a man wait, for the sole purpose of deliberately trying to frustrate him, the majority of women are not doing this for that reason.

I resent the term that a woman is "making" a man do anything. She's not holding a gun to his head, threatening him with bodily harm or forcing him to remain celibate while dating her. He's free to go find someone else to have sex with, especially since sex is so easy to get these days. (I actually read a complaint from a man who felt a certain woman was "making" him wait...for 3 weeks...while he was involved in a LTR FWB situation!)

The second issue I have with this is the reason behind her decision to wait before having sex. Seems that some men think they already have it all figured out that women "who do this" are "playing games" with him.

As a woman who is interested in a LTR, I want to get to know a man before having sex with him. I want to learn his character...to see if his words match his actions...to observe him in different situations...to discover if his beliefs about life in general coincide with my own. I want to see if he's trustworthy. And I'm sorry to generalize, but it's been my experience that many men will LIE in order to get laid. They can tell you they want an LTR (with YOU) when the whole time, they just want to have sex. They can tell you that they are 'Christian', but it might take you several more weeks or months before discovering how non-Christian they really are.

Just like a man wants to "test drive" a woman before committing to her, she also wants to "test drive" a man...

...and not be pressured into signing on the dotted line by some smooth talking used car salesman! She wants the time to do her homework/research. She wants to kick the tires, see how it handles in the rain and test the brakes. She wants to make sure she's getting value for her 'investment'. When she walks away, she'll be thinking about all of the information she's learned (so far) and she doesn't want to make the wrong decision.

All of this takes time.

I'm writing this in order to encourage you (men) to please understand that women have a LOT more to lose by jumping into the sack with a man too soon. It's a reason why she wants to take her time evaluating her situation before making a decision.

Can you understand that? It really isn't about YOU.
 
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#2 ·
When I read an interesting thread here on TAM, many times I'll visit some other (random) forums to read about other people's experiences in the same/similar situation(s). Time and time again, I will read about how some man is angry because the woman he is dating is "making" him wait for sex.

This couldn't be further from the truth.

While it's true that SOME women will consciously "make" a man wait, for the sole purpose of deliberately trying to frustrate him, the majority of women are not doing this for that reason.

I resent the term that a woman is "making" a man do anything. She's not holding a gun to his head, threatening him with bodily harm or forcing him to remain celibate while dating her. He's free to go find someone else to have sex with, especially since sex is so easy to get these days. (I actually read a complaint from a man who felt a certain woman was "making" him wait...for 3 weeks...while he was involved in a LTR FWB situation!)

The second issue I have with this is the reason behind her decision to wait before having sex. Seems that some men think they already have it all figured out that women "who do this" are "playing games" with him.

As a woman who is interested in a LTR, I want to get to know a man before having sex with him. I want to learn his character...to see if his words match his actions...to observe him in different situations...to discover if his beliefs about life in general coincide with my own. I want to see if he's trustworthy. And I'm sorry to generalize, but it's been my experience that many men will LIE in order to get laid. They can tell you they want an LTR (with YOU) when the whole time, they just want to have sex. They can tell you that they are 'Christian', but it might take you several more weeks or months before discovering how non-Christian they really are.

Just like a man wants to "test drive" a woman before committing to her, she also wants to "test drive" a man...

...and not be pressured into signing on the dotted line by some smooth talking used car salesman! She wants the time to do her homework/research. She wants to kick the tires, see how it handles in the rain and test the brakes. She wants to make sure she's getting value for her 'investment'. When she walks away, she'll be thinking about all of the information she's learned (so far) and she doesn't want to make the wrong decision.

All of this takes time.

I'm writing this in order to encourage you (men) to please understand that women have a LOT more to lose by jumping into the sack with a man too soon. It's a reason why she wants to take her time evaluating her situation before making a decision.

Can you understand that? It really isn't about YOU.
I agree with you. I was dating a woman in college that broke up with me because she wanted to "test drive" me. I told her that I wanted to wait as I wanted to get to know her better. Even as a virgin, I felt that it was something that would bond me to her, and I wanted to be sure before we went that far.

She sent me on my way.
 
#3 ·
Although I have never had any expectation of having sex early and still don't, most of the women I have had sex with asked me out and offered me sex within hours of meeting or more usually the first, second and less often sometimes the third date. No pressure from me, lies or impatience at all, in fact sometimes I would be asked why I didn't have sex with them earlier.

One of the thing that stands out the most to me, is that with almost all of the people I have had sex with and some people I haven't had sex with. There's a lust/love at first sight thing going on, you know the old cliché, of where our eyes first met bam!

That said I've dated women who I haven't had sex with. Which is all pretty simple if we don't click, and I don't get the coincident all pervasive buzz/thickness in the air of overwhelming mutual sexual attraction I move on. There's little point wasting time trying to establish a sexual relationship absent having that mutual and overwhelming sexual desire. So for me it isn't about time at all, it's always about whether one has that all pervasive sexual connection or not.

When it comes to investing in a long term sexual relationships, some men and women simply prefer to test sexual compatibility first, lest they invest themselves emotionally in a sexual relationship with a sexual partner that is either rubbish in bed or sexually incompatible.

Some men and some women variously (because it depends in part upon who you're with) bond sexually first and the rest follows, while some men and women variously bond emotionally first and the rest follows. Neither is right or wrong, better or worse, they are just different and can both lead to equally positive or not so positive outcomes.
 
#57 ·
When it comes to investing in a long term sexual relationships, some men and women simply prefer to test sexual compatibility first, lest they invest themselves emotionally in a sexual relationship with a sexual partner that is either rubbish in bed or sexually incompatible.
The irony about this is that BOTH men and women have the ability to become emotionally "attached" through sex, even the FIRST time they have sex. So while "you" may not want to invest yourself emotionally BEFORE having sex with someone, the person you're having sex with may become emotionally invested THROUGH sex with you.

Many of us here on TAM (and in the world at large) are aware of 'bonding' through sex and that it can happen the very first time we have sex. Just because YOU might not become attached right away (or at all) doesn't mean the other person won't.

It would be important for me to know if a man I'd be dating already knows about the potential for 'bonding' through sex. If he knows that it's a possibility that the woman can bond with him from a first sexual encounter, and doesn't seem to care if she 'bonds' with him or not (basically putting the onus on HER), that would tell me something significant about his character, and that he doesn't feel a sense of responsibility TOWARD others...

...which would mean that *I* wouldn't be having sex with him.
 
#4 ·
Great thread OP! I totally agree.

I'm not someone to have sex early, or for the sake of it either. Sex complicates things and clouds judgement, lol. Plus I have to have feelings for a man before I could even consider sleeping with him...it's just who I am. I need to feel safe and I need to trust him and know that he values me. My husband and I both wanted to take that part of our relationship slowly, get to know each other first...build our relationship on a solid foundation.

I know myself when I was dating, I wasn't "withholding" sex, or "making him wait" or "testing him" or anything like that. It was simply my boundary, for myself, which I had every right to set, just as the men I dated had every right to next me if they wanted a fast shag :)
 
#5 ·
I know myself when I was dating, I wasn't "withholding" sex, or "making him wait" or "testing him" or anything like that. It was simply my boundary, for myself, which I had every right to set, just as the men I dated had every right to next me if they wanted a fast shag :)
Exactly!

And geez luuEEZ, how I despise that term "withholding"...as if sex is something that's "due" to someone, especially someone you're not even in a relationship with!
 
#6 ·
My first girlfriend was 2 years younger than me, I was 17 and she was 15. Her family would only let me see her at their house so there was no opportunity, besides the fact that she said she wanted to wait till later. I was fine with that. Oops, the 16 year old boy across the street knocked her up a year later. Her step brother told me about it. GREAT!

So I moved on. Later I met the young woman that would become my fiancé. She was religious and said we should wait till we were married to have sex. Ok, I was on board for that. She was everything I had been looking for. As you may have guessed, she had a guy on the side she was banging, and she dumped me for him.

So you say it's my own fault, I could have just went out and got some strange because the woman I loved and trusted told me to wait. What would that have said about me? That I'm going to cheat if I don't get it right now? Maybe I was stupid, I damn sure was young. That was nearly 30 years ago. I stopped dating completely after that and gave up. Which is what has driven me to SI and here, along with some time in therapy in 2010-2011, trying to figure out what broke in me.

I do not blame those two girls for asking me to wait back then. I thought it proved they were good girls and worth waiting for. I blame them for telling me to wait while they indulged their carnal needs elsewhere. Then for the next 25 years I assumed there was something wrong with me.
 
#26 ·
Your being cheated on was not your fault. But it also had nothing to do with these women wanting to wait. People get cheated on the whole time, sadly. By partners of all different persuasions. So the waiting doesn't seem to really have anything to do with it. You just happened across 2 untrustworthy people. Which I'm sorry you experienced. But I'm not sure it has much bearing on the question of whether waiting for the right girl is a good move.
 
#7 ·
Dip me in in honey and tie me to an ant hill...cuz this is just crazy!

From were I'm sitting ...sex is the glue...why wait for it when it is so much fun for both parties?

I mean even if one doesn't know how to phuck ..isn't that much more fun teaching the other how?

I mean if one doesn't have the "itch" ...I mean is it to let your partner go with out...isn't meeting your partners need the best part?

I mean ...who is running the show here?

Granted I let my old lady on top, but at the end of the day she is the one telling me "DON'T STOP"!!!!!


I REGRESS......no matter how I cut it...I still have to wait!!! I am so phucking bete!
 
#8 ·
The only guys I ever jumped into bed with straight away were ones I *wasn't* interested in developing a relationship with. My DH would claim I jumped into bed with him pretty quick, but in reality, we'd known each other for a few months before actually deciding to form a relationship.

So if a girl is holding off and you want sex NOW, then just drop it because she's looking for something more than a casual fling, and you aren't worth the wait.
 
#9 ·
Yes I understand. Good advice. I agree that men who feel the strong urge after some time while investing in a potential LTR should not expect sex but when they feel the urge, they should simply go and fvck every prostitute and one night stand floosy they come across so as not to jeopardise the potential great LTR they are working on. Totally agree that no one is holding a gun to their head. And I am sure that, as you said, the female in this LTR scenario would not mind that one bit. After all its the relationship that matters not the sex!

Really ?
 
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#11 ·
I guess everybody gets to decide what crap to put up with when dating. If shes a cold fish and has to wait until shes know your favorite color,religious beliefs,character,political views, thats all good. But were not teenagers here. I think theres room for some hanky panky along the way. so don't be surprised when after a few dates he stops calling because as women want to test drive the character of the man, the man want to test drive the sexual character of the woman. especially if he was in a long term relationship with a woman who had to have the sun moon and stars align before she would have sex. or a woman who is very selfish sexually.

middle ground
 
#14 ·
I've always been a sexual camel of sorts. I can go for long periods without sex, no sweat, but if I have a woman in my life...I'm not going to wait six months. After about a month, I would just simply lose interest.

I have never cheated and never dated multiple women past about the second or third date. I truly am a one woman man, or at least one woman at any given time. If the chemistry isn't strong enough in the beginning to make sex natural and easy, it's not likely to develop later. At least not in my experience.

If my wife told me on our first date that she wouldn't be having sex until some undetermined time at which I had "proven" myself to her there would not have been a second date. Fair enough, we would both be free to find someone else. The fact that she jumped my bones on the second date made that a bit of a moot point.
 
#13 ·
Personally, I have no problem with your idea. As long as you are upfront and honest from the get-go with the man, it's his choice to wait or look elsewhere. I assume you tell a man that you will not be having sex with him until you have vetted him as a suitable partner for you, right? I would have an issue if you tell him nothing, flirt, kiss, heavy pet or otherwise lead him to believe that you are willing to have sex when you are not.

I would ask one question, though. I assume you are not a virgin, so why make sex into the Excalibur sword that can only be possessed by the chosen one? Do you not enjoy sex? Why would you choose to deprive yourself of pleasure just to test a man? If you don't like sex, that's an entirely different ball of wax and I think it would be reprehensible to conceal that fact from a man you are seeking to gain a long-term commitment from.

Give it some thought. Just are there are some men who care about nothing but getting laid, there are women who only have sex to "land" their man. The guy who lies to and manipulates a woman just to get in her pants is no better or worse than the woman who lies to and manipulates a man for her own interests. If men and women were completely honest with one another, there would be fewer divorces. Probably fewer marriages, too. Definitely fewer bad marriages.
 
#54 ·
Give it some thought. Just are there are some men who care about nothing but getting laid, there are women who only have sex to "land" their man. The guy who lies to and manipulates a woman just to get in her pants is no better or worse than the woman who lies to and manipulates a man for her own interests. If men and women were completely honest with one another, there would be fewer divorces. Probably fewer marriages, too. Definitely fewer bad marriages.
I agree with this.. it IS Just as bad.. both are manipulating -for selfish gain...which is WRONG.. it's foundation is built upon lies....never the way to start any relationship. It all comes to light soon enough..

I am all for honesty upfront..showing some vulnerability to the WHY's we feel as we do...if the other doesn't care, belittles us, trying to change us.. we're not a good match.. just move on..

I shared my
fully with my husband when we met... I was very young, in 10th grade...if I ended up pregnant to some Playboy who didn't give crap about me.. It could have ruined my life..I watched my mother "self destruct" inviting USER men into it.. a number of then, I was taken off of her even by my father... then shortly after she had a nervous breakdown.. she lost her job, the little house we shared, all her self esteem.. then ran off with an alcoholic .. she was pretty messed up after that.. a very sad thing to say. but I FEARED turning out like her.

Then I had a step Mom telling me she'd throw me out on the streets if I got pregnant..

I didn't have support of family.. I needed someone I could rely on...someone I could trust...truth is.. I was always horny.. always fantasized about the boys, dreaming of "the One" to share it all with (this included sexual fantasies), but I also wanted a family of my own.....

@badsanta said:

In my opinion a woman should make a man wait for PIV, but she should be willing to be sexually active with him in other ways (outercourse and other forms of nonpenetrative sex), and make sure that all parts of the relationship are natural and loving.

If a woman wants to "test drive" a man, she really needs to see how he treats her AFTER he has had two or three orgasms in one day! This can be accomplished without PIV.
This is how I think.. that was my LINE drawn in the sand..

I wanted touched, some things can't be contained.. or what fun would dating be.. it would be like utter "torment"!.. .. my husband cared about me.. he wanted to be my ROCK.. which he's always been...but yeah.. we agreed on that line drawn in the sand.. to save "intercourse" for our wedding night..

I often feel meeting my husband "saved me" from a lot of relationship heartache / rejection.... He made it all so easy... he didn't have to go home having cold showers either.. we could have been pumping each other sooner, and maybe that was stupid.. I asked him one night.. if he regrets that we waited.. he told me no.. he loves our story, he felt we did it the right way..

Truth is.. we greatly anticipated getting married.. it still means the world to me that sexually ...we think so much alike....we both have a strong desire to please each other... we also think like this:

 
#15 ·
@zookeeper I can understand your sentiments. But I think some men don't understand the vulnerability a woman feels when she gives herself sexually. In my situation (18 year old virgin, 22 year old reformed playa ) I did not want to be phucked and tossed aside. The chemistry between us was overwhelming but how could I be sure that it was not fleeting for him? I half believed him because he didn't start pressuring me for a couple of months into the relationship. I gave in after a couple more months but it probably wasn't until 6 months or so that I truly felt my heart was "safe" with him.
 
#18 ·
I see no problem with that, an 18YO virgin would understandably assign some level of mystique to sex. I don't think anyone should do something they don't want to because they feel pressured.

But just look at your choice of words. You say a woman "gives" herself to a man. As if sex is some one-sided thing. If sex is not a mutually enjoyable and rewarding endeavor, why engage in it at all?

I know there are many expectations forged by society and we all hold at least a few. Pressure goes both ways.

Man: It's been 6 months! When are we going to have sex?
Woman: Stop pressuring me!


Woman: It's been two years! When are we going to get engaged?
Man: Stop pressuring me!


Can any of us claim we don't have a pretty good idea of what the other is interested in? Honesty and full disclosure would save a lot of hear ache. If the man is honest that he just wants sex and fun and has no intention to get serious, the woman can make an informed decision. If the woman just wants a long-term partner but has no desire to have sex, the man can make his. Please don't kid yourself that deception and manipulation are unique to one gender.

Funny thing, in my experience most men and women actually want similar things, at least as they mature. If there was less game playing and jockeying for position they would see that. They might also see that getting what you think you want at the cost of the other person's needs rarely end in long term happiness for either party.

One question. Why is getting dumped after having sex with someone (assuming you wanted sex with this person) worse than not having sex and getting dumped?
 
#16 ·
Everybody get to choose what they want to test drive, what is important to them. It is totally up to them to leave the relationship if they don't like what they see, or don't get the chance. For me, ideally, both people would be able to test drive what is important to them at the same time.

In the scenario laid out above, if one person had sex as a high priority, it seems as if one partner is getting to vet, test drive, while the other is not...sort of a what's good for the goose ought to be good for the gander. Neither is right or wrong, but this points to a basic incompatibility, and both should be upfront about their intentions.
 
#17 ·
For the most part I agree that if looking for something serious sex shouldn't happen immediately. That said it can lead to a what will come first the chicken or the egg. No sex = no committed relationship for me. So if we were going to be waiting months and months to get to that place I also wouldn't be dating her exclusively.

I think timeframes are important but matching timeframes are critical to make the beginning stages of relationships work.
 
#24 ·
I agree with everything that you are saying. This is the type of woman I would be looking for.

At the same time, if she was the woman for me, we would hold these values, but we would be so into each other that we wouldn't be able to help ourselves. Even though our intention is to not have sex, we would be having sex within a couple of weeks or a month of starting to date.

The chemistry would have to be there and it would have to be strong. If we were able to date for months without having sex, then I don't think the relationship would work.
 
#25 ·
I could and would wait a while to have sex if I meet someone with whom I'd want a lasting relationship, and their goal is the same. However, they've never wanted to wait - and the relationship continued anyway. I can see that if a woman has difficulty discerning the players from the keepers, she may need to employ the delaying strategy.
 
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#31 ·
I will say that either having sex too early or too late in the relationship doesn't work.

I've waited and invested time in a person only to realize that sex didn't work with them.

I've not waited and then realized that our relationship didn't work.

Do it when it feels right. But don't play games either way.
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#32 ·
I'm simply of the opinion that, in general, no one really "makes" another consenting adult do much of anything. A woman is not making a guy wait for sex. If he's not getting the sex he wants on a time table that suits him, but he's still hanging around, then he's choosing to hang around. Similarly, a guy is not making a woman give him sex before she's ready - unless we're discussing rape. If she feels he's expecting sex on a time table that doesn't suit her, but she's still hanging around, then she's choosing to hang around.

I have no problem with anyone, male or female, who wants sex quickly. I have no problem with anyone, male or female, who does not. I do have a problem with people complaining about a situation that is entirely within their own control. Not happy with how fast or slow things are going? Move on and find someone who wants to move at a pace you're happy with. There's zero reason for any amount of butthurt at your partner, or the opposite sex in general, because of a situation you're actively choosing to participate in.
 
#33 ·
Strange...

I have dumped a lot of girls that pressured me for sex when I wasn't ready, and I have been dumped several times because I wouldn't "put out".

I have only had sex with two people, and the first one cheated on me and was unremorseful, so I dumped her. The second one I married.

In my experience, this is an issue that goes both ways.

That said, I didn't dwell on it.
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#34 ·
Oh yeah, I've had plenty of women who have gotten all butthurt because I wouldn't sleep with them. Called all kinds of names, snyde comments, broken up with. One would think women are just a bunch of pigs that want to get laid.
 
#40 ·
Love love love your thread @Vega... I feel the same.. always have from my youth, always will... very close to my heart.. you described it beautifully...

I bought a book yrs ago on the various sexual views.. because I see SO MUCH MISUNDERSTANDING on these forums.. especially how I've felt....some belittle & think lowly -like we are all Prudes & low drive, like this is automatic if a woman doesn't put out by the ___ date..

It's just NOT always the case.. So I did a thread on the 6 sexual views laid out in the book...we can partake in all of these views, but everyone has a PRIMARY view...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...exual-views-have-they-changed-over-years.html

Just as some do not get it when we speak of being "USED"...or that it's "just sex"... there is a "Plain Sex" view , causal in nature, it's foremost about Pleasure alone & consent.

We, on the other hand.. want the strings.. we want the "after glow".. a hot man who desires us for a night just isn't going to satisfy our souls, our lust for authentic connection, something real... no matter the temptation in the heat of the moment .... his walking out the door afterwards, not really knowing if he's even going to call again.. no thank you!@#

What you describe is the "Romantic View"... it requires intimacy, exclusiveness, a desire for "oneness".. it's special, it seeks to please each other....

3. Romantic View ~
"save yourself for the one, your beloved"
[/URL]

Sex should be reserved for those who are deeply in love with the strings of emotional attachment/commitment. Loveless sex is not appropriate, People should be sexually faithful as long as love lasts. Those who hold the romantic view often talk in terms of sex as sacred, as a Gift to be preserved & given to someone of profound significance.

Romantic view holds that sex should be connected with a thirst for deep psychological & bodily knowledge, Mutually reciprocated gift-giving & intimacy are it's purpose.

The feeling of being in love is a feeling that one’s beloved is an irreplaceable soul mate.

Complications arise, however, when romantic feelings do not last or when someone who has made a commitment to sexual exclusivity finds himself or herself in love with someone else.

The romantic view emphasizes interpersonal intimacy, but sees the duration of commitment as contingent. Commitment lasts for as long as romantic love lasts. But commitment is a must. A one-time encounter with a stranger may be consensual -but it would not be appropriate for those who hold the Romantic view.
 
#42 ·
as someone who lived in a sexless marriage(and a woman), I will tell you Im not into playing games with the men I like. If I find them attractive, I am not playing a game by making them wait. Life is too short to be sexually restricted. And I refuse to hold off only to find out the sex is terrible. UGH. Usually a couple of dates in, we go for it. I have not regretted it once.
 
#43 ·
Interesting topic, and I generally agree with @Vega opening post. I think @Rowan pretty much nailed my thoughts on the matter as well, so no need to repeat lol. The challenge (whether it is the male or female who wants to wait) is how to keep the line of communication open over a "target date" that even the "waiter" doesn't know (unless they actually set a specific date, but I imagine most would rather let nature take its course). At some point the "waitee" would probably feel dragged along, but as others have said, it ultimately is their choice whether to stick around or not.

Now the question, you have been dating this female who wants to wait until she is ready (open ended). You get to the point where you don't want to wait anymore and tell her you are moving on. She doesn't want to lose you so even though she isn't ready she bites the bullet. Do you go in for the kill knowing that her offering sex is more a function of a "flight or fight" response and not necessarily that she wants to have sex with you (worse case you still get laid), or would that be a turn off (obviously gender roles could be reversed)?
 
#44 ·
For me, if it got the point where I was ready to move on because of lack of sex, I would do just that. Any desire to have sex with her would have become be non existent, so it wouldn't matter if she threw herself at me, bit the bullet, or what have you. We would not have sex, and I would move on.
 
#48 ·
In my experience, girls that wait a long time (2 months+) to have sex are horrible in bed. They are scared to be sexual. They either grew up in a religious home were sexed was looked down or they have no self confidence (image issues). The never initiate sex, which a person can only take for so long. They aren't into changing up the sex to make it fun.

That's just my observation. I'm sure it goes the same with men who are scared to be sexual.
 
#50 ·
Just like a man wants to "test drive" a woman before committing to her, she also wants to "test drive" a man...
I remember in college I was only interested in LTR and I had a girlfriend that made me wait a while before we were intimate. As soon as we were I saw that ALL my feelings for her were based mostly on lust and that after I got what I wanted that I no longer wanted her around until my desire came back.
@Vega women need to be careful exactly what it is they are test driving!

In my opinion a woman should make a man wait for PIV, but she should be willing to be sexually active with him in other ways (outercourse and other forms of nonpenetrative sex), and make sure that all parts of the relationship are natural and loving.

If a woman wants to "test drive" a man, she really needs to see how he treats her AFTER he has had two or three orgasms in one day! This can be accomplished without PIV.

Regards,
Badsanta
 
#51 · (Edited)
I just straight up told women that I'm not having sex with them unless I am married to them.

I remember one conversation in high school where a girl told me I am an idiot and asked me how on earth I could know if I am compatible with someone. I asked them what makes someone compatible? I already knew at that time that what turned me on the most was seeing a girl get turned on. So, in my mind, all I really needed was to know how to turn the girl on.

We whent round and round about "techniques" and sexual knowledge, etc. I asked her if there was ANYTHING I couldn't learn as a married man. She basically said no, but she wouldn't waste her time "holding my hand" through sex.

That told me all I needed to know about her. Even if she had someone willing to do anything to blow her mind, she wasn't even willing to put in the slightest amount of effort. I found that view to be incredibly entitled and pathetic. No way would I waste my time with someone who damands everything be perfect from the get go.

My wife and I spent time learning each other. We whent from terrible sex to mind blowing sex.

Unless you aren't willing to work and learn, there is no need to test drive anything.

Cars are the same way. The only cars that don't typically get test driven are the ones that people buy for their potential, the cars that end up with the most sentimental value. The ones they want to restore. They look forward to the work and the reward at the end.

That's how I view relationships and sex. I don't care where they came from, I am looking forward to the work, the journey, and the reward at the end. They aren't just to fill a purpose. They ARE the purpose.


I guess you could call me a romantic.
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