General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Me (in my young marriage mind) tend to just say "So, what is wrong" or "This is how to solve this" & Im thinkin I'm getting somewhere. SURELY IM NOT! And whenever she's acting anti-social, different, & moody, I just leave her alone & I become the bad guy because now I'm acting anti-social, different, & moody. WHAT DO I DO??? When I have a problem, I just hold it (maybe with a slight attitude) until I get over it (24 hrs at most) because I don't want her to feel like she's being a "BAD" wife. And it's not that big a deal so I try to let it go. But during that 24hrs or so, she wants to push it out of me, makin me more mad, "why you acting like that" "whats your problem" and I just keep sayin "nothin, im cool" Im the bad guy again! WHAT DO I DO??? I never knew women were so confusing. You really have to stay on your P's & Q's when dealing with them or you can quickly end up like I am right now....sitting in the living room, both of us on our laptops, house quiet, tension in the air. Sneeze...bless you...thank you....silence. WHAT DO I DO???? HELP!!!!!!
Sometimes women just want to be heard and be able to talk to their husbands without getting a solution or opinion as a response. If she's upset or you can tell when something is bothering her, ask. But don't try to give her a solution or an opinion unless she asks for it. Now why she hounds you, I'm not sure. Maybe she thinks it's her fault that your upset. Try to be open and let her in on what's going on.
Sometimes women just want to be heard and be able to talk to their husbands without getting a solution or opinion as a response. If she's upset or you can tell when something is bothering her, ask. But don't try to give her a solution or an opinion unless she asks for it. Now why she hounds you, I'm not sure. Maybe she thinks it's her fault that your upset. Try to be open and let her in on what's going on.
Me (in my young marriage mind) tend to just say "So, what is wrong" or "This is how to solve this" & Im thinkin I'm getting somewhere. SURELY IM NOT! And whenever she's acting anti-social, different, & moody, I just leave her alone & I become the bad guy because now I'm acting anti-social, different, & moody. WHAT DO I DO??? When I have a problem, I just hold it (maybe with a slight attitude) until I get over it (24 hrs at most) because I don't want her to feel like she's being a "BAD" wife. And it's not that big a deal so I try to let it go. But during that 24hrs or so, she wants to push it out of me, makin me more mad, "why you acting like that" "whats your problem" and I just keep sayin "nothin, im cool" Im the bad guy again! WHAT DO I DO??? I never knew women were so confusing. You really have to stay on your P's & Q's when dealing with them or you can quickly end up like I am right now....sitting in the living room, both of us on our laptops, house quiet, tension in the air. Sneeze...bless you...thank you....silence. WHAT DO I DO????
The key is communication... and the way you communicate is most important. You need to be able to express your thoughts and feelings in a NON JUDGEMENTAL manner.
Let say, just for example sake, you have an issue about how your wife drives and you are the passenger. Your wife is a little bit more of a speed demon and you are more cautious. you are concerned you will get into a wreck.
A bad way to communicate this feeling is..
"You are driving like a bat outa hell and we are both gonna die"
The right way is..
" It makes me feel uneasy when you take so many risks when driving, I am so worried that you will get seriously hurt in a wreck when the other drivers are not paying attention."
You are not judging her... but judging the situation she may be putting you and her in. Big difference. Share your feelings WITHOUT judgement.
"You are driving like a bat outa hell and we are both gonna die"
The right way is..
" It makes me feel uneasy when you take so many risks when driving, I am so worried that you will get seriously hurt in a wreck when the other drivers are not paying attention."
HTH
In general (not all) women tend to imagine more than men in my opinion. Men may want to just stay quiet when mad and let it cool down without talking about it but for women it becomes worst when the problem is not addressed, worst still some may even start wondering "does he still love me?" "He thinks its all my fault" kinda assumptions if there is no communication. Actually I used to be like that during my first few years of marriage I have a few girl friends who are newly married and trust me they call me every fortnightly for this same reason.
Try to understand what is she like and how does she prefers to solve the problems and do tell her what you prefer and in doing so hopefully you will arrive at something that is agreeable to both of you.
When I have a problem, I just hold it (maybe with a slight attitude) until I get over it (24 hrs at most) because I don't want her to feel like she's being a "BAD" wife.
she wants to push it out of me, makin me more mad, "why you acting like that" "whats your problem" and I just keep sayin "nothin, im cool"
WHAT DO I DO???
Good question. What you are not doing is the problem and what you are not doing is communicating that something is not right for you. Holding it in with attitude creates a situation that appears to escalate to disrespectful questioning from your description. I'm guessing that you are conflict avoidant and think you are doing the right thing by holding in your pain to avoid perceived potential unpleasantness or the possibility that your wife might feel badly if you share with her. While this might feel right at the time, it is a bad long term policy. You need to be able to say something like "I hope I can share with you that I'm having a problem with ..." and get it off your chest. Allow your wife own her feelings.
Questions that are really hidden statements like "why you acting like that" or "whats your problem" are disrespectful. This first question asserts that you are being judged for acting against some unspoken code and the second question asserts that you have a problem which is basically telling you how you feel. A good response is something like "I feel that I am being questioned in a disrespectful manner when you ask me things like this. Did you maybe mean to ask if something is bothering me?"
Letting a bunch of this kind of stuff build up will eventually sink your ship, it's just a matter of when. The time for a change to healthy communication is now
The key is communication... and the way you communicate is most important. You need to be able to express your thoughts and feelings in a NON JUDGEMENTAL manner.
Let say, just for example sake, you have an issue about how your wife drives and you are the passenger. Your wife is a little bit more of a speed demon and you are more cautious. you are concerned you will get into a wreck.
A bad way to communicate this feeling is..
"You are driving like a bat outa hell and we are both gonna die"
The right way is..
" It makes me feel uneasy when you take so many risks when driving, I am so worried that you will get seriously hurt in a wreck when the other drivers are not paying attention."
You are not judging her... but judging the situation she may be putting you and her in. Big difference. Share your feelings WITHOUT judgement.
HTH
LOL either approach would have the flames of Hades spewing from my wife's mouth as she scorches me for "controlling" her. There are some people that can't take any advice regardless of the delivery style.
Hard To Understand Wife's Emotions 
HELP!!!!!!
100%
I have a few girl friends who are newly married and trust me they call me every fortnightly for this same reason. 
