This is somewhat similar to my situation. My husband is a bit older and more experienced and I explore my sexuality through porn more than he does. I know that our relationship would never be an open one and if my desires became too much I would have to leave the marriage.
On the main topic, I think that sex is important in a relationship. My husband and I click on every level but sexually and it does create a strain. I sincerely hope that since we are compatible in every other way that will change with time and effort.
I have found often sex drives are different and few things change them. I have talk about this often and normally healthy couples settle in the middle (A) likes 6 times a week were (B) likes once. They settle on three sometimes four. The fourth is normally a two for day. Health, jobs, kids, stress can all play a factor too.
Someone once said that sex is like air: It only matters if you aren't getting enough.
In a happy relationship it's not as important in and of itself because it's part of the whole. In an unhappy relationship it because something you gauge the relationship on so it seems to matter more.
Someone once said that sex is like air: It only matters if you aren't getting enough.
In a happy relationship it's not as important in and of itself because it's part of the whole. In an unhappy relationship it because something you gauge the relationship on so it seems to matter more.
Okay touche let me redefine what I meant. Most healthy relationships have a good sexual base. You notice a drop in the sex as things are going bad and when thing are going good your tend to have more Intimacy.
Most healthy relationships have a good sexual base. You notice a drop in the sex as things are going bad and when thing are going good your tend to have more Intimacy.
You know, I agree with you. Strangely in my situation though as our lives/relationship got better and less stressful we had sex less. I still don't understand this and neither does he.
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(A) likes 6 times a week were (B) likes once. They settle on three sometimes four.
But doesn't this lead to Person A feeling unfulfilled and frustrated? He still likes it 6 times a week and isn't getting it.
sex used to be number 1 and a half and now just 2. before my sexual urges were 5x a day almost every day of the week. and now since i have more of a family, school, work load...it's been demoted to at least 2x times a week and twice in a day. i've been with my fiance 6 years now and we've known each other for 7. it's pretty nice.
i also find myself looking at porn but at his place since it is "shunned" at my home. hahahaha and since i have siblings that are young, i would find it inappropriate whereas my fiance has the whole downstairs from his house and his parents live upstairs. so more privacy. i am always curious about how other people do it, but do not want to try it myself. i'd rather just see or read about it.
oh yes and sex for me was low because emotional connection and bond and happiness with my partner came first. if we have problems, i am just not able to perform and if we are just happy, well you know...the bedroom is like a jungle!
I expected a much different reaction from women then what I got. It seems most women are curious about it and many admit they watch it more then their other halves do. The exception is more guys are addicted to it.
I've just got newly wed and beginning to explore sexuality. My wife was a virgin when she's married to me, so she was quite shy about sex, often closing her eyes and we make love without lights on.
The problem I have with our sex (which I'm trying to get her to co-operate) is:
1. Make love when there is light. She often refuses it, and prefers to make love at dark.
2. She's quite shy about exposing naked to me. Heck... if I watch her in her bra, I would get aroused easily.
3. She seldom does foreplay to me (like kissing, caressing or oral sex). This gives me difficulty in getting myself full erection for penetration. I'm sure I don't have erect dynfunction. If I receive full foreplay and arousal, I'll get erect properly.
4. I've no problem doing foreplay to her to get her wet.
I've just got newly wed and beginning to explore sexuality. My wife was a virgin when she's married to me, so she was quite shy about sex, often closing her eyes and we make love without lights on.
The problem I have with our sex (which I'm trying to get her to co-operate) is:
1. Make love when there is light. She often refuses it, and prefers to make love at dark.
2. She's quite shy about exposing naked to me. Heck... if I watch her in her bra, I would get aroused easily.
3. She seldom does foreplay to me (like kissing, caressing or oral sex). This gives me difficulty in getting myself full erection for penetration. I'm sure I don't have erect dynfunction. If I receive full foreplay and arousal, I'll get erect properly.
4. I've no problem doing foreplay to her to get her wet.
Can someone help me on this?
Okay I will help with what I can but remember as you pointed out she is a virgin and needs time to feel good about herself. It may take years and you have to expect that, and respect it too.
1) Lights on ~ Chemically and for bonding purpose it is better with the lights on. However her being new to this I am sure she is shy. Try to make love during the day once a week. This may help get her there.
Sex should be about more then just sex. All the things that get you to that point should be everyday all the time. Hugs, kissing and cuddling. Massages etc. Don't expect sex to be a reward for intimancy, the two go hand in hand but [they] don't mean much if the only time you get "kissy" with her is when you "want some". I was kissy with the wife before leaving knowing we wouldn't be able to do anything because of our schedules for the next few days. But the love and affection is worth so much more and in the end sex is a part of that.
2) Train yourself to be calm sexually around her. She might look at it as being pushed. Always compliment her on her looks not jus her body but anything else that draws you to her. Eyes, hair skin etc.
3) For virgins that is quite common. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes it never happens. Mostly it will take herself feeling good about what she is doing. I also suggest that you make sure you are clean before every time if you can help it. It is hard with those passionate times that you two want to ravage each other but take showers often and before bed. Who wants to have sex with someone that has a days worth of stink on them.
I think that sex is important in a relationship to some extent. Fortunately for me, my husband and I both enjoy it and think it is equally important. I think that your opinion of how important sex is only matters to your partner, really.
Sex is just a quick fix..sometimes you have sex and other times you allow your self to feel, be intamite and share that part of your self with the one you love.......anyone can have sex, but it takes two special people to make love to one another
I've just got newly wed and beginning to explore sexuality. My wife was a virgin when she's married to me, so she was quite shy about sex, often closing her eyes and we make love without lights on.
The problem I have with our sex (which I'm trying to get her to co-operate) is:
1. Make love when there is light. She often refuses it, and prefers to make love at dark.
2. She's quite shy about exposing naked to me. Heck... if I watch her in her bra, I would get aroused easily.
3. She seldom does foreplay to me (like kissing, caressing or oral sex). This gives me difficulty in getting myself full erection for penetration. I'm sure I don't have erect dynfunction. If I receive full foreplay and arousal, I'll get erect properly.
4. I've no problem doing foreplay to her to get her wet.
Can someone help me on this?
1. Heck, I prefer to have sex in the dark still. But I realize that boys are more visual. Maybe she could try a blindfold?
2. This is completely normal. Most women grow up with a distorted image of what beautiful is. Let her know that she is gorgeous. Tell her in and out of bed. Before and after sex. Tell her what parts you like on her (don't just say boobs: neck, legs--tell her the way she moves turns you on, etc). Be patient. It takes a thousand positive words to make up for one negative one. And nothing is more sexy than a confident woman--it will be worth it.
3. Come onto her where she can't just have sex with you. Kiss her. Whisper things in her ear. Sometimes approach her in bed to kiss and caress her without sex. Encourage her to touch you. Be verbal as much as you can and tell her what you like. And whenever she makes an effort tell her how great/sexy/hot she was.
4. Good. Also encourage her to tell you what she likes. The more she shares the better things will be.
At this point in my life I could care less about sex. I work full time, have three kids, and a handful of pets plus the normal stuff to do around the house (which I feel like I get minimal help from DH with but that's another topic all together!). Granted I do take an antidepressant which does decrease my drive but even before that my drive was gone. It's one more thing that needs to be done. I'm 30 and people keep telling me my "peak" will happen but WHEN?
Re: Sex and Relationships
