General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Sex to me is somewhat important. With the guy I have been with for about 2 years now, in the beginning it was GREAT!!! We did it like 3-4 times a week, EASY!! Now it just seems that if we do it 1 time a month that is a miracle. I think he is cheating, but can't prove it. He claims he isn't but when we used to be together about 10 years ago he constantly cheated on me. Sigh...........
At this point in my life I could care less about sex. I work full time, have three kids, and a handful of pets plus the normal stuff to do around the house (which I feel like I get minimal help from DH with but that's another topic all together!). Granted I do take an antidepressant which does decrease my drive but even before that my drive was gone. It's one more thing that needs to be done. I'm 30 and people keep telling me my "peak" will happen but WHEN?
It sounds like you let the depression effect not only your sex drive but your relationship too.
Sex to me is somewhat important. With the guy I have been with for about 2 years now, in the beginning it was GREAT!!! We did it like 3-4 times a week, EASY!! Now it just seems that if we do it 1 time a month that is a miracle. I think he is cheating, but can't prove it. He claims he isn't but when we used to be together about 10 years ago he constantly cheated on me. Sigh...........
What makes you think he is cheating?
Better yet why did you take him back knowing he was a cheater?
Do you think that there is really a normal number of times a month to be having sex? My husband and I have been together for years, not married that entire time, and we still have sex at least 4 times a week.
Do you think that there is really a normal number of times a month to be having sex? My husband and I have been together for years, not married that entire time, and we still have sex at least 4 times a week.
I guess it depends on the couple. Good healthy relationships that are problem free seem to hang around 3-5 times a week. After married for 10 years and 4 kids my wife and I still seem to find time to be within that range.
I think sex is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. In nearly any other aspect of a relationship, one can go outside of the marriage to seek satisfaction. My wife and I each have friends we can talk to, confide with, and/or engage in activities that our spouses don't care for. I love to listen to live music, she doesn't. She loves to crochet, I don't care for it. I've been known to belly up to a bar for an evening, she doesn't drink. She's can watch "What not to Wear" for 5 hours straight, I can't stand it.
In each instance, we have friends or family that we can enjoy the activity with, without our spouse. Sex is the one aspect of a marriage (unless you're talking about an open relationship, and I don't think anyone is) where we can absolutely not go outside of the relationship. Therefore, sex becomes terribly important. I think all of us can attest to a relationship where an imbalance in desire created tension.
If my wife doesn't want to go bowling tonight, I'll call some friends. If my wife doesn't want to dance between the sheets, then I'm out of luck. And if she doesn't the next day, and the next after that, then suddenly what would otherwise be a terrific relationship becomes clouded with resentment, sadness, etc.
If my wife doesn't want to go bowling tonight, I'll call some friends. If my wife doesn't want to dance between the sheets, then I'm out of luck. And if she doesn't the next day, and the next after that, then suddenly what would otherwise be a terrific relationship becomes clouded with resentment, sadness, etc.
I never thought of it like that. Well said and kudos.
i personally think that sex (i'm a hopeless romantic, and enjoy using the term 'love-making' rather than sex ) is a very important part of the relationship and as draconis said, of a healthy one.
and it's a time to share the kind of intimacy that we can only share with our spouse and also make the relationship flourish and grow, strengthening the bond between the husband and wife. and open, heart-to-heart conversations which most often follow it... it's just great. sex shouldn't be something merely physical... it should also be the emotional part of it.
I love sex, and I feel it really does show how good your relationship is. I have always had a higher sex drive than my DH, which did cause some problems. That was before our DS came along! Now I am too tired etc to bother too much so we are more on a par. Not that I really like it this way (or maybe I have just given up?), I would prefer DH to try every now and again. I reckon we have sex about every 1.5 weeks? We are married just over a year. God that sounds terrible typed down......
I love sex, and I feel it really does show how good your relationship is. I have always had a higher sex drive than my DH, which did cause some problems. That was before our DS came along! Now I am too tired etc to bother too much so we are more on a par. Not that I really like it this way (or maybe I have just given up?), I would prefer DH to try every now and again. I reckon we have sex about every 1.5 weeks? We are married just over a year. God that sounds terrible typed down......
The problem is that you know there is something wrong and he doesn't. It sounds more like you have given up on it then are to tired for it. Send your husband a card or an email that lets him know that you value the relationship but that one person can not make it work.
We got together about three years ago and the sex was always amazing and exciting, and we were always trying new things. We got married almost six months ago, and the sex seemed to go downhill a bit. It's true that we both got really busy with life, but it usually just seems really mechanical lately. I don't NEED the sex to still be in love with her, obviously, but the sex were having three years ago would be pretty fun to revisit.
We got together about three years ago and the sex was always amazing and exciting, and we were always trying new things. We got married almost six months ago, and the sex seemed to go downhill a bit. It's true that we both got really busy with life, but it usually just seems really mechanical lately. I don't NEED the sex to still be in love with her, obviously, but the sex were having three years ago would be pretty fun to revisit.
Then make sure to do a little thing for her everyday. A note, and email, a flower, a card, cooking for her. Always make time for her and things will fall into place.
Then make sure to do a little thing for her everyday. A note, and email, a flower, a card, cooking for her. Always make time for her and things will fall into place.
draconis
I wish it were as easy as that.
But the thing is, I don't want to be the only one craving good sex in our relationship. She's not really into turning me on any more it seems. It's just a nonchalant, "You wanna do it?"
and then it's just gettin' the job done. And turning her on is pretty well impossible these days.
I wish it were as easy as that.
But the thing is, I don't want to be the only one craving good sex in our relationship. She's not really into turning me on any more it seems. It's just a nonchalant, "You wanna do it?"
and then it's just gettin' the job done. And turning her on is pretty well impossible these days.
When you first meet a person there are more chemical reasons you want to have sex. But after a short period 6-12 months those chemical die down and you are left with security. The point is to keep things fresh. Worst case is nothing changes but you have added a new demention to the relationship. The best case is things become better.
I guess I don't know what you mean by "keep things fresh". She used to be into all kinds of stuff. We were pretty wild a couple years ago. We've tried most of what there is to try, so there's not much "newness" left. I don't know what to do to encourage freshness. It seems that stress has just put us into a rut.
Re: Sex and Relationships 
) is a very important part of the relationship and as draconis said, of a healthy one.
