I had no intent to be smug at all. Simply I believe that by being with my partner for such a long time I know what she likes, when she likes it and how to turn her on. SHe also can please me at will. Besides the excitement of something new I find nothing good in "new" sexual partners, more like two people bumbling around hoping not to cross boundries and wanting to get it right on the first shot. I'm not one for that thanks I enjoy what I have and wouldn't give it up or risk losing it.
On the flip side I do have empathy for you. I was married once before, it ended (in part) to her cheating on me. SO I have been on the other side so to speak, however of course I am happy for what I have now.
Sex is an extremely important part of a relionship. As human beings we need it and desire it. It helps to keep the relationship bonded. Sex is good for your healh and your general well being. Sex also doesn't have to be just intercourse either. It can be touching, kissing just being intimate together.
Gina
Wow, big topic. I agree that sex is important in a marriage because of the bond it can create between two people. Pleasing someone in that special way that no one else is really supposed to please them is no small thing. It is an incredible gift to give and to get. I also agree that sex can just be fun and exciting with no emotional attachment intended. I have been married twice. Each time for about 17 years. Neither of my husbands have been as fond of sex as I am and neither has been as interested in my ultimate pleasure as I have been in theirs. Even though my present husband is a very nice man and very helpful in other ways, it is like sex is primarilary for him. I got tired of being turned down with a very sweet, but very unfulfilling, "maybe later, dear." so I quit initiating sex a long time ago. I guess it is partly my fault that sex is really just about him. I live in the deep South where men don't like to take instructions from a woman and am pretty old, but am on hormone replacement therapy (hysterectomy victim) so hormonally I am still about 35 and would love to again have the sex I had before I was married the second time. I can totally understand the attraction to younger men so popular today and having to go to the internet for sexual play.
I'm a freak, been with my wife 18 years....I try to get her in bed as much as possible, at least once a day....I am either addicted to Sex or sex with my iwfe....I believe the altter of the two I ahve no interest in anyone else physically. I try to get in as much as possible before I die or she does...while hopefully that is a long time away, I'm not taking any chances.
Good question..I think sex is important if you have a good/mutally satisfying relationship outside the bedroom...
When we were first dating, we had sex all the time. There was something carefree about it, no real ties between us, not married, no kids, money was ok between us. Meaning, we each had our own bills we took care of..Things were good then, we talked all the time on the phone, talked when we were together, and gradually had a very special tight connection...so it only made sense that we had a good sex life. Then we got married, had a child on our first anniv...the first yr, sex was still good and fairly often...
As the yrs passed, more problems arised with us. After 14 yrs of marriage and 3 kids later.. we basically live like roommates..He spends very little time with me. The only time he wants to be alone with me is to have sex. Other wise, he concentrates on his own interests/hobbies...to say the least we have sex maybe once a month. I could even go without that. Since I dont feel the emotional connection anymore, I dont want to be intimate with him. I use to "think", sex is what I wanted from him. Then we would do it, and I still feel lonely...I realized it wasnt sex I was missing, it was the relationship we once had.
So back to the question, I think sex is an impt part of a relationship, if everything else is in place.
I may be the odd one out here, but if I look at sex, within itself, I don't think eliminating it would make or break my marriage. I have thought if something ever happened to my husband where he could not have sex (due to illness or something out of his control) I could live with that, because as said previously if we still have the emotional connection, sex itself becomes less important. But if we stopped having sex for reasons within our control, there would be something amiss in our marriage and yes, that would be a problem. But it's easy for me to say this now because we both have healthy, high sex drives at the moment
Swedish ~ Many people can step up when need be, but often healthy people look at situations different. I have MD and several associated problems. My sex drive has recently taken a nose dive, however the physical connection from it still makes it worth it.
Just my opinion, but I couldn't want for more sexually with my husband, and the idea of having sex with another guy who hasn't the slightest clue how to please me, is not my idea of a good time at all. I'm spoiled.
Lack of sex within a marriage due to a medically related issue is not what most people suffer from. Most people in search of answers live with a controlling spouse who will have nothing to do with them sexually and/or intimately...and always here "oh well you are only doing that for sex"...which irritates me to death..
I'm new to here. So I dunno if I'm posting this in the right place or not.
My husband and I will be married two years in a few weeks. I don't know where to start except every other week at least, I feel like our marriage is so boring. It's more like a forced roommate situation versus a couple who's supposed to be in love. We do all the stuff that would make you think we're happy. We hold hands, cuddle occasionally, I sleep on his shoulder when traveling places. It's all cute. Except, he would do that with any other friend (girls). There's no sexuality in it or anything, it's just like it's his duty to be nice. Anyways, we both were virgins when we got married. I was 24 and he 26. The whole time we were dating, he talked about making love to me 5 times a day and all that crap. When he was around, he was always so excited to be with me and breathed hard when he touched me or I touched him. The whole young people in love thing.
Then, we got married. We had sex maybe 3 times in 9 days. I was so broken hearted. Here is this new bride, going on her honeymoon, imaging if nothing else, a week or two of lust, love and just bliss, but yet, here I was, crying in the hotel bathroom cuz my husband didn't initiate sex. I dressed up, did my hair, smelled nice and nothing.
I struggled with it and I eventually talked to him and he was sorry and explained it differently, but I think I'm emotionally scarred forever. SO put that aside, we maintained our extremely uneventful sex life for two years. I think the most sex we've had ever, was maybe 3-4 times a week. There were spurs where we don't have sex except once every two weeks. It frustrates me so much.
Here's the best part. He doesn't look up porn, he's not cheating, and he doesn't satisfy himself otherwise. I don't understand why he's just so flat. Our life is basically discussing dinner, eating dinner, watching tv or a movie, discussing that and then going to bed. So boring. Occasionally we do fun stuff, yet it's all done in companionship. I like companionship, but I want love, and passion and fire. We're young, attractive people and have no kids. Shouldn't we be having fun and sex like most of the time? Am I crazy?
I'm new to here. So I dunno if I'm posting this in the right place or not.
My husband and I will be married two years in a few weeks. I don't know where to start except every other week at least, I feel like our marriage is so boring. It's more like a forced roommate situation versus a couple who's supposed to be in love. We do all the stuff that would make you think we're happy. We hold hands, cuddle occasionally, I sleep on his shoulder when traveling places. It's all cute. Except, he would do that with any other friend (girls). There's no sexuality in it or anything, it's just like it's his duty to be nice. Anyways, we both were virgins when we got married. I was 24 and he 26. The whole time we were dating, he talked about making love to me 5 times a day and all that crap. When he was around, he was always so excited to be with me and breathed hard when he touched me or I touched him. The whole young people in love thing.
Then, we got married. We had sex maybe 3 times in 9 days. I was so broken hearted. Here is this new bride, going on her honeymoon, imaging if nothing else, a week or two of lust, love and just bliss, but yet, here I was, crying in the hotel bathroom cuz my husband didn't initiate sex. I dressed up, did my hair, smelled nice and nothing.
I struggled with it and I eventually talked to him and he was sorry and explained it differently, but I think I'm emotionally scarred forever. SO put that aside, we maintained our extremely uneventful sex life for two years. I think the most sex we've had ever, was maybe 3-4 times a week. There were spurs where we don't have sex except once every two weeks. It frustrates me so much.
Here's the best part. He doesn't look up porn, he's not cheating, and he doesn't satisfy himself otherwise. I don't understand why he's just so flat. Our life is basically discussing dinner, eating dinner, watching tv or a movie, discussing that and then going to bed. So boring. Occasionally we do fun stuff, yet it's all done in companionship. I like companionship, but I want love, and passion and fire. We're young, attractive people and have no kids. Shouldn't we be having fun and sex like most of the time? Am I crazy?
You'd be better served to start a new post so people can respond to just you, however here is my peace or a part of it. Sex 3-4 times a week is a good schedule, but if there is something lacking tell him. Maybe you just need to be better lovers. One thing I have always noticed is the more sex you have the more you want. If it is mind blowing sex you want it alot more. Since he was a virgin before marriage he might have just been going on what people told him and for him it simply wasn't true.
Thanks. I posted a new thread. Also, we aren't having sex 3-4 times a week. We're at once every 8 days. 3-4 was the best we've had, and was once or twice in the last two years.
Re: Sex and Relationships
...I realized it wasnt sex I was missing, it was the relationship we once had.
