My wife and I have been married for 6 years and suffered through two painful miscarriages. The first was bad and the second was devastating. After the second miscarriage, my wife has had a myriad of health issues and lengthy setbacks ranging from endometriosis to thyroiditis to colitis. She’s had three surgeries due to the endometriosis consistently generating cysts in her ovaries; the last surgery was an emergency procedure to remove a massive cyst causing her excruciating pain about a month ago. It just seems like rotten luck. Neither one of us have ever smoked, abused alcohol or done recreational drugs; we’re both pretty much straight-edge.
We’ve discussed our options, which aren’t many, with our fertility specialist. The specialist told us that because of the past surgeries, scar tissue has developed on one of her tubes, causing clogging, which means the egg can’t travel the tube, so that cuts the chances of conception in half. In a nutshell, we were told that the outlook is bleak. We discussed in vitro fertilization, but that is ultra-expensive here in the US and would bankrupt us. In addition, the odds of success are only 20%, so that would almost be like tossing money into the wind. There’s the donor procedure, which is a 70% chance, and even more expensive, but it would be using someone else’s eggs with my sperm, so that’s out. Adoption is out because it makes her feel like she is less than a woman, being unable to have her own children. Before the last emergency surgery, the doctors were discussing taking out her ovaries because of the cysts, which freaked her out beyond imagination; she was almost inconsolable.
We’re both now in our early 40’s, so I think the biological clock is quickly expiring on us, but she’s refusing to let go. I’ve always wanted a son more than anything, and I truly believe that I wanted kids more than her, but with our age and her unfortunate health issues, I just think it’s time to let go, but she refuses to give up.
Over the last several months, she’s been scouring the internet looking for some kind of miracle cure that will help get her body healthy enough to conceive. It’s bad enough that she already takes a plethora of pills and off-the-wall vitamins that’s supposedly strengthening her eggs, but all of this may be doing harm. We don’t really know. Thanks to some website, she thinks acupuncture will make a difference and increase blood flow, but I haven’t seen any evidence that it would help in connection with a pregnancy. In addition, it wouldn’t clear out the scarring on her tubes or stop the endometriosis. She also thinks that seeing a doctor in her home country of Thailand will offer her a second opinion- one that she wants to hear. She’s already booked a trip and scheduled an appointment with some quack recommended to her by a family member (against my wishes), but I don’t know or trust them with their illegal, miracle drugs and suspect procedures. Her family isn’t helping either since they’re a proponent of this action and putting this into her head.
All of the aforementioned has put great stress on our marriage, not to mention ZERO sex that I’ve not once complained to her about. I’ve been supportive and tried staying positive (at least in front of her), but I don’t know what to do next. Even though I really want children, I tell her not to worry about it as it will only cause more stress. I always say, “If it happens, great, but if not, we can try to enjoy life together.” I just can’t in good conscious, condone her seeing a doctor in another country with the hopes that they have some kind of miracle in a bottle or a cure-all procedure that could potentially make things worse. Honestly, I don’t know where to go from here or if we’re ever going to get past this. If we are unable to have children, I think it will ultimately ruin our marriage.
We’ve discussed our options, which aren’t many, with our fertility specialist. The specialist told us that because of the past surgeries, scar tissue has developed on one of her tubes, causing clogging, which means the egg can’t travel the tube, so that cuts the chances of conception in half. In a nutshell, we were told that the outlook is bleak. We discussed in vitro fertilization, but that is ultra-expensive here in the US and would bankrupt us. In addition, the odds of success are only 20%, so that would almost be like tossing money into the wind. There’s the donor procedure, which is a 70% chance, and even more expensive, but it would be using someone else’s eggs with my sperm, so that’s out. Adoption is out because it makes her feel like she is less than a woman, being unable to have her own children. Before the last emergency surgery, the doctors were discussing taking out her ovaries because of the cysts, which freaked her out beyond imagination; she was almost inconsolable.
We’re both now in our early 40’s, so I think the biological clock is quickly expiring on us, but she’s refusing to let go. I’ve always wanted a son more than anything, and I truly believe that I wanted kids more than her, but with our age and her unfortunate health issues, I just think it’s time to let go, but she refuses to give up.
Over the last several months, she’s been scouring the internet looking for some kind of miracle cure that will help get her body healthy enough to conceive. It’s bad enough that she already takes a plethora of pills and off-the-wall vitamins that’s supposedly strengthening her eggs, but all of this may be doing harm. We don’t really know. Thanks to some website, she thinks acupuncture will make a difference and increase blood flow, but I haven’t seen any evidence that it would help in connection with a pregnancy. In addition, it wouldn’t clear out the scarring on her tubes or stop the endometriosis. She also thinks that seeing a doctor in her home country of Thailand will offer her a second opinion- one that she wants to hear. She’s already booked a trip and scheduled an appointment with some quack recommended to her by a family member (against my wishes), but I don’t know or trust them with their illegal, miracle drugs and suspect procedures. Her family isn’t helping either since they’re a proponent of this action and putting this into her head.
All of the aforementioned has put great stress on our marriage, not to mention ZERO sex that I’ve not once complained to her about. I’ve been supportive and tried staying positive (at least in front of her), but I don’t know what to do next. Even though I really want children, I tell her not to worry about it as it will only cause more stress. I always say, “If it happens, great, but if not, we can try to enjoy life together.” I just can’t in good conscious, condone her seeing a doctor in another country with the hopes that they have some kind of miracle in a bottle or a cure-all procedure that could potentially make things worse. Honestly, I don’t know where to go from here or if we’re ever going to get past this. If we are unable to have children, I think it will ultimately ruin our marriage.