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Ladies HELP Be a strong manly man that talks about his feelings?

2K views 18 replies 10 participants last post by  SimplyAmorous 
#1 ·
Arent these mutually exclusive?

What is it exactly that you want?

How can a man be both?

Perhaps you need a gay man for a pal and a straight man to fix the car and fulfill your desire?

Im just playin' around but its a perplexing but common concept dont you think?
 
#2 ·
Arent these mutually exclusive?
Nope.

What is it exactly that you want?
For you to stop trying to be what they want.

How can a man be both?
By redfining your stereotypical view of men.

Perhaps you need a gay man for a pal and a straight man to fix the car and fulfill your desire?
Assuming gay men cant fix cars, and straight men cant be friends, then yes.

Im just playin' around but its a perplexing but common concept dont you think?
Im just playin' around too, and yes, its an extremely common misconception driven by the stereotypes that are the Main Stream Media.

Bottom Line: By trying to understand women, and to make yourself what women want, you are actually furthering yourself from the goal.

Stop trying to please women, to please women.
 
#5 ·
I don't know, I'm beginning to wonder if some men just don't get those warm, fuzzy, lovey-dovey feelings like women do that make you want to touch and feel and cherish and... I don't understand how you can sit next to your significant other on the couch and not reach out to hold her hand or rub her back or just make some kind of contact. I guess a lot of men have trouble with that kind of "connection".

I ain't playin'

;)
 
#12 ·
I don't understand how you can sit next to your significant other on the couch and not reach out to hold her hand or rub her back or just make some kind of contact. I guess a lot of men have trouble with that kind of "connection".
A lot of women too.

(And for everyone who's gonna tell me to communicate with her and get in touch with my feelings, man-up, read this book or that book etc etc . . . thank you in advance. It's just a comment.)

Especially since my wife has traditionally reacted with abusive rage whenever I shared anything she didn't like.
Abusive rage or cold war... which is worse? Ah, perhaps for another thread.
 
#6 ·
I think the more Beta a man is, (generally) the more "emotional" he IS with women, but most women chase the magnificent Alphas who are full of ambition, overwhelming confidence , Manliness and many times themselves--and simply don't treat women as good, sometimes like dirt -depending. Every man needs a mixture of BOTH Alpha and Beta traits, and weeding out the unfavorable of each at the same time. If you did a Google search on Beta males, you will quickly get bombarded with how weak & pathetic they are, like how can they possibly call themselves a man! Here is one such example TRAITS OF A BETA MALE » DC Bachelor


I say ...NOT SO FAST, the whole story is not being portrayed!

Here is a thread on Alpha vs Beta traits in men http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/24018-beta-v-alpha.html

My husband is tipped more on the Beta scale than Alpha, but I prefer that type of man.

I , however, am in the minority of women, cause most of them get bored with their more Beta husbands. He is far from Gay. He is very affectionate, Sex to him is more about the emotional connection than getting off. My pleasure is more important to him than his own.

I read somewhere recently that SEX for men is .....70% is physical and 30% emotional......, I wouldn't have a doubt in my mind that is true for the Aphas- but not my husband. I just asked him this question this very morning .... he said it would be the opposite for him.

I have never in my life had trouble getting him to talk , open up, be emotional, show affection. Affection is what he craves the most from ME. I love that! I woudn't trade it for anything!:)
 
#8 ·
My husband has learned to express more of his feelings and thoughts with me but he is also very masculine to me, so no, the two are not mutually exclusive in my world.

Granted, he may share in shorter, more succinct ways than I do (I like to discuss issues at lenbth sometimes, surprise surprise!), but he's still sharing.

Trust is necessary for sharing. Many couples struggle with this.
 
#10 ·
Believe me, it takes way more manly strength to openly and directly share my feelings than it does to play tackle football or swim in the Atlantic or even fix the car for that matter. Especially since my wife has traditionally reacted with abusive rage whenever I shared anything she didn't like. I don't think she is really interested in manly actions or shared feelings but like it or not this is what you get when you're a married woman.
 
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#14 ·
I'm not buying this one. Vulnerable: capable of or suceptible to being wounded or hurt; open to attack.

This is strength? Perhaps in a sensitive, new-age kinda way.

Now, if you're talking about handcuffs, etc - that's a different matter and there's currently a thread running about this (and more ;) in the men's forum. Vote in the poll if you like.
 
#17 ·
Not sure if this is off-topic or not . . . The other thing that I think is worth mentioning on this is for ladies (and gentlemen) be careful what you ask for. I say this a tad toungue in cheek, but there have been a number of threads recently that warrant this comment. If one person in a marraige starts to really share feelings and emotions (or manning-up), and this is something new, this will surely change the dynamics of that marriage - hopefully for better. But it will be better, only if the other person is also willing to change, adapt, grow as well. In the case of my marriage, once I started saying everything on my mind, and at the same time, confronting my wife with my fears of retaliation and things coming back to bite me, this changed the dynamic considerably (and in doing so, effectively 'disarming' her in my mind). It forced ownership of feelings, emotions and all sorts of layers of subtext and actions - on both sides. If you feel it, say it. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you say it, own it. It was hugely uncomfortable for both of us and fortunately she was willing to go with it (and continues to) even though this is still new and uncharted territory.

And, I better be ready to get it right back from her!
 
#19 ·
In the case of my marriage, once I started saying everything on my mind, and at the same time, confronting my wife with my fears of retaliation and things coming back to bite me, this changed the dynamic considerably (and in doing so, effectively 'disarming' her in my mind). It forced ownership of feelings, emotions and all sorts of layers of subtext and actions - on both sides.
Good for you!

If you feel it, say it. If you don't mean it, don't say it. If you say it, own it.
I respect this -even if I wouldn't like it ! Once I was getting bi*chy with my husband, rushing on Thanksgiving morning to get the house in order before his family showed up, needed him to run the vaccum & help me, he told me I could do it myself (it was my attitude)--and I realized immeidately he stood up to me - I went and kissed him! I deserved that in return.

It was hugely uncomfortable for both of us and fortunately she was willing to go with it (and continues to) even though this is still new and uncharted territory.
Sounds like you are making good progress to me!

And, I better be ready to get it right back from her!
But that is all the fun....sometimes.
 
#18 ·
Only time I'm fully comfortable with talking about lovey doveys is after a big fight ending with the missus emptying out my ballsacs. Other times it's the usual...
Her: "I love you!"
Me: "I love me too!"

But that's just my idea of lovey dovey, I enjoy the banter. There's a time and place for heartfelt talks in my opinion, and a time and place for just having fun and cracking up.
 
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