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Old 10-24-2011, 09:45 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Quick question.

Just wanting to get a couple of opinions here, have short question.

Why would someone want to take another person back after they have cheated several times?? Just wondering what the thought process would be here and if that is a normal reaction.

Thanks for any input you can provide.

~Chubz
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Old 10-24-2011, 09:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

read the cwi section, you'll see lots of betrayed spouses struggling to let go

to me it depends on the extent of the cheating and the willingness for the wayward spouse to go no contact, be transparent and show true remorse. I managed a successful R with my wife, but she was willing to do it.
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Old 10-24-2011, 12:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

I think it all depends on the circumstances. With my situation I feel that my lack of attention was the seed for the EA. Was it the reason it happened? Nope...

But I love my wife enough to realize that everyone makes mistakes. Yes it is a major mistake but if she is willing to change and correct the mistake why not forgive.

I think each person has to look inside themselves for the answer to this. What one person sees as a salvagable relationship many others would turn and run from.
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Old 10-24-2011, 12:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

I would like to know the answer to that too. You get one time to screw up with me, then I'm done. A repeat offender obviously doesn't care about you or the relationship.
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Old 10-24-2011, 12:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

It's definitely not something that I could ever come back from...and it wouldn't matter if it were once or a hundred times. So yes, as stated above, very personal. We're all different.
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Old 10-24-2011, 04:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

Okay, my thoughts exactly, one time and it should be over with. So it's confusing to me to have someone want you back after you have cheated. Just a little hard to understand.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and opinions!
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chubz View Post
Okay, my thoughts exactly, one time and it should be over with. So it's confusing to me to have someone want you back after you have cheated. Just a little hard to understand.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and opinions!
I guess it so depends on the rest of the situation. I know that doesn't sound rational but everyone is different.

I'm trying to find a way to put on paper what is in my head. To me it makes complete sense.. but to the world I bet it looks like I am one whipped beta male.
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

I wanted to get back together with her because I love her and believed it was possible for us to find a way through it. I had extremely low expectations about us being successful, but I felt like I had accepted that our relationship was over so I wasn't desperate to succeed.
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:13 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

I say, don't beat yourself up for thinking of one strike and you are out. I think it's the betrayal more than the sex. I also think it doesn't matter what the "cheater" wants to do, or wants from you. Their wants don't count....not for a long time, if ever.

When my ex walked out he said "I never cheated on you and I love you, but I just can't do this life anymore." (no idea if this is true or not) but I told him "It really doesn't matter. You don't want this life, and nothing you say will ever matter. And your love isn't worth anything. Period" I'm pretty sure that was the end of any serious conversations with him, ever.
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:38 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

For us it was all about behavioral changes that we both made. Granted we could have gave up the marriage only to repeat the same behaviors with different people.
We both made the choice to have a different....healthier relationship with the same person.
That and the odds of finding some one worse then our messed up spouses was a factor.

We now have a new marriage, a new relationship, a different person if you will. An investment worth hanging on to versus selling out and finding another stock that is just as risky as the one we bought into 20 years ago.

It seems to be worth the risk to hang on to this and see how it pays out when its time to check out. If you know what I mean?
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Old 10-25-2011, 04:01 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

To cheat more. Only cheating is fun for those idividuals.
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Old 10-25-2011, 06:00 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

I think when people are still desperate to stay with 'repeat offenders' it's a sign of a lack of confidence in themselves, a belief that they can't do any better.
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

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I think when people are still desperate to stay with 'repeat offenders' it's a sign of a lack of confidence in themselves, a belief that they can't do any better.
Bingo. I have two close female friends, who both put up with all sorts, because they don't think they can find any better. What a way to go through life! Putting up with sh!t because they're too scared to be alone.
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Old 10-25-2011, 11:42 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

I think in some circumstances taking the cheater back is worth it, but just in rare cases. It just seems that once you open that door to cheating its hard to get that door to shut totally again. I think it's great when it does work though!

Just wish I was a believer.
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Quick question.

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Originally Posted by chubz View Post
I think in some circumstances taking the cheater back is worth it, but just in rare cases. It just seems that once you open that door to cheating its hard to get that door to shut totally again. I think it's great when it does work though!

Just wish I was a believer.
I guess...I just know I'd never be able to get past it. I'd rather walk away than have to carry that monkey on my back for the rest of my life. Knowing that my man had made love to another woman? Kissed her mouth? Looked into her eyes? No way. I never put up with that kind of crap before, and I'm certainly not going to start now. One shot. You get one shot with me. That's it.
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