So here goes.
I'm a 34 year old male that has been married for about 12 years now. I have a 11 year old daughter and 6 year old son.
Up to about the 9 year mark I had cheated on my wife. My wife and I were having marital problems at that mark. There was an issue with sex demand. I wanted more and she wanted less. This had been going on for several months. I tried negotiating with her and tried to get into therapy with her (she refused). I eventually searched and found a married woman in a similar marital situation (lack of sex). I would leave work (take off/disappear) we would **** endlessly (sometimes 4/5 times a day). This relationship went on for several months.
Anyway my wife had found out and we ended the relationship. My wife was devastated and it appeared we were headed down divorce. Since she did not want to go through therapy I indicated that I would seek therapy for myself. I attended several months of psychotherapy etc. In all honestly it didn't really help. I went to 2-3 different therapist and discussed my issues with sex drive etc. Most of them either wanted to transfer me etc.
So, recently my wife and I were having some major marital issues. During this time the marriage was more less bland. My biggest complaints in the marriage was my wife's lack or importance of marital maintenance. Before I had cheated on her till now, she never made an importance of dating, the night out, etc. She places 100% of her focus on the children, ignoring/disregarding me. I've explained this to her several times, but she's stubborn, it dosen't soak through. I explained to her that if the marriage is not maintained everything else suffers. I think the major issue is cultural conflict, my wife is from China (I'm American), my thought is her view of a marriage is not in alignment with the American norm. She sees the marriage as more/less a utility (like a business). I make the money, maintain the home and she sits home and maintains the children, with no regards to the intimacy or maintenance of the marriage, and that's an A+ situation (in her mind)
Another thing that boils my blood is the lack of her working. Our daughter is 11, my son is 6. It's a point right now where both are in school FT and both can walk home from the bus. I recently started intentionally coming home early so that I can take both of my kids to their swimming practice. I intentionally did this so that she can get more time home and more time to look for a job.
She has a Master's degree and is educated, can speak English well etc... I make a salary in excess of 6-figures. We had a big fight over her inactivity and lack of desire to use her degree and gain some skills. Every time we've had this kind of fight, she'd get real angry, it was a sore spot for her to talk about. But I can't really understand what the problem is. I told her I would help her and I'm pretty sure I can get her a good job. We would get so angry that we won't talk for a few weeks. I ended up telling her in text that in order for this marriage to continue she needs to do the following (1) Get a job (2) become more intimate with me etc... maintain the marriage. I'm doing everything in my power to give her the ability to do this!
Finally she came back after a week with this ****amamie idea about starting a eBay business. She wants to buy Chinese junk from a warehouse and sell it on eBay, based on my experience, I tell her it won't work. The eBay market is over-saturated, she would not make a dime. I tell her that if she came with this idea at around 2000 it would probably work, but now NO. She's stubborn again and dosen't listen to experienced people! We go to some of these distributors and end up buying about 1000 worth of stuff. I'm of course involved in this (even though it's supposed to be her company). I put all this stuff on eBay for her and of course most of it dosen't sell worth a ****.
We get into an argument again. But this time we are talking about divorce (which is what I was talking about to her few weeks back, but she kept avoiding). I tell her if we divorce, she's going to have to get a job anyway, so why not get one now.
Anyway my big issue is I've already worked out the cost of the divorce and what I would be paying. I have somewhat of a plan in action to which after we separate, I can come up with property equity etc to buy her out. My big issue are the children. She's wants them of course!! I'm worried about their welfare and how it would affect them both socially academically.
I'm also not understanding my my mind, why can't she do these 2-3 simple things, to try to save the marriage!!!
WHY!!!
I'm a 34 year old male that has been married for about 12 years now. I have a 11 year old daughter and 6 year old son.
Up to about the 9 year mark I had cheated on my wife. My wife and I were having marital problems at that mark. There was an issue with sex demand. I wanted more and she wanted less. This had been going on for several months. I tried negotiating with her and tried to get into therapy with her (she refused). I eventually searched and found a married woman in a similar marital situation (lack of sex). I would leave work (take off/disappear) we would **** endlessly (sometimes 4/5 times a day). This relationship went on for several months.
Anyway my wife had found out and we ended the relationship. My wife was devastated and it appeared we were headed down divorce. Since she did not want to go through therapy I indicated that I would seek therapy for myself. I attended several months of psychotherapy etc. In all honestly it didn't really help. I went to 2-3 different therapist and discussed my issues with sex drive etc. Most of them either wanted to transfer me etc.
So, recently my wife and I were having some major marital issues. During this time the marriage was more less bland. My biggest complaints in the marriage was my wife's lack or importance of marital maintenance. Before I had cheated on her till now, she never made an importance of dating, the night out, etc. She places 100% of her focus on the children, ignoring/disregarding me. I've explained this to her several times, but she's stubborn, it dosen't soak through. I explained to her that if the marriage is not maintained everything else suffers. I think the major issue is cultural conflict, my wife is from China (I'm American), my thought is her view of a marriage is not in alignment with the American norm. She sees the marriage as more/less a utility (like a business). I make the money, maintain the home and she sits home and maintains the children, with no regards to the intimacy or maintenance of the marriage, and that's an A+ situation (in her mind)
Another thing that boils my blood is the lack of her working. Our daughter is 11, my son is 6. It's a point right now where both are in school FT and both can walk home from the bus. I recently started intentionally coming home early so that I can take both of my kids to their swimming practice. I intentionally did this so that she can get more time home and more time to look for a job.
She has a Master's degree and is educated, can speak English well etc... I make a salary in excess of 6-figures. We had a big fight over her inactivity and lack of desire to use her degree and gain some skills. Every time we've had this kind of fight, she'd get real angry, it was a sore spot for her to talk about. But I can't really understand what the problem is. I told her I would help her and I'm pretty sure I can get her a good job. We would get so angry that we won't talk for a few weeks. I ended up telling her in text that in order for this marriage to continue she needs to do the following (1) Get a job (2) become more intimate with me etc... maintain the marriage. I'm doing everything in my power to give her the ability to do this!
Finally she came back after a week with this ****amamie idea about starting a eBay business. She wants to buy Chinese junk from a warehouse and sell it on eBay, based on my experience, I tell her it won't work. The eBay market is over-saturated, she would not make a dime. I tell her that if she came with this idea at around 2000 it would probably work, but now NO. She's stubborn again and dosen't listen to experienced people! We go to some of these distributors and end up buying about 1000 worth of stuff. I'm of course involved in this (even though it's supposed to be her company). I put all this stuff on eBay for her and of course most of it dosen't sell worth a ****.
We get into an argument again. But this time we are talking about divorce (which is what I was talking about to her few weeks back, but she kept avoiding). I tell her if we divorce, she's going to have to get a job anyway, so why not get one now.
Anyway my big issue is I've already worked out the cost of the divorce and what I would be paying. I have somewhat of a plan in action to which after we separate, I can come up with property equity etc to buy her out. My big issue are the children. She's wants them of course!! I'm worried about their welfare and how it would affect them both socially academically.
I'm also not understanding my my mind, why can't she do these 2-3 simple things, to try to save the marriage!!!
WHY!!!