Dating/hookup email - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 06:59 AM Thread Starter
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Dating/hookup email

I have several email accounts including two gmail accounts - for work. I never get dating or hookup email (spam) on any of them. DH however gets lots. Is this because of the sites he has visited or is it just chance? They seem to come from two or three similar sites. He is not very computer savvy but knows enough to clear browsing history I think and close all apps on iphone. Is it worth checking further or am I paranoid?

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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:04 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

It's depends on the user name of the Gmail really.
I have my first name A & then a number & I get all kinds of weird, crazy, gross hook up spam & I've never signed up for any of those weird sites.

If anyone out there knows how to stop receiving them, please do tell.

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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:09 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

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Originally Posted by Katiebird View Post
I have several email accounts including two gmail accounts - for work. I never get dating or hookup email (spam) on any of them. DH however gets lots. Is this because of the sites he has visited or is it just chance? They seem to come from two or three similar sites. He is not very computer savvy but knows enough to clear browsing history I think and close all apps on iphone. Is it worth checking further or am I paranoid?
Honestly, it depends on which sites he's getting email from. If they're legit dating/hook up sites (like Match, OKCupid, PoF or Adult Friend Finder), then he's used his email address to sign up there, I'm afraid. Seeing as how those are reputable businesses, they're not going to send spam email to people.

If it's spammy type emails, then it's simply because his address is in circulation and has made its way on to spam lists. I've had a gmail account since about the 2nd or 3rd month they were available, and the amount of spam I get is insane (thank god for the automatic filtering...)

Easiest way to figure it out, and this might suck, is to click on whatever link these emails are sending him, which will bring you to the site, and possibly even an account. But I stress - only do this if the emails are from a reputable dating/hookup site, otherwise it's unlikely it's on the up-and-up. So if it's from, for example, Adult Friend Finder, then there's an account there with that email address.

Before my wife and I started dating, we were both on dating sites. Me on Match, she on PoF. Until you deactivate your account, they'll still send you email (matches, etc.)

TL : DR - if the emails are from reputable sites, then he has an account there.

Last edited by alexm; 06-08-2016 at 07:17 AM.
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:14 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

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Originally Posted by MrsAldi View Post
It's depends on the user name of the Gmail really.
I have my first name A & then a number & I get all kinds of weird, crazy, gross hook up spam & I've never signed up for any of those weird sites.

If anyone out there knows how to stop receiving them, please do tell.

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk
You can't, it's spam. Your address has made it's way onto a list, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some spambots randomize the address it's sent from, so you can't effectively block them. You'll block THAT address, but they'll just send you one from another account.

The most common way of finding your address on a spam list these days is through Facebook. Apps, games, that sort of thing. Click bait is horrendous on Facebook. ("You'll never believe what she did next!" That sort of thing.)
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Dating/hookup email

The email is his first and last name, no initials or numbers. I am not sure I know what a legit site is. He has had this email for a couple of years - so not years and years - like I have. I get some junk, but nothing like he gets - complete with pictures sometimes
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:24 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

If you want the spam to stop, when you click on the email and go to the site there you will get an option to enter your email to stop getting them.

I use to get them until I started doing that. Hope this helps.



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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:27 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

@alexm has a great point. I occasionally get the "Spam" type emails for no apparent reason (well, okay I have gone to the occasional porn site in the past, but it's pretty rare). If it's a legit site, he MUST have an account there.
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:27 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

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Originally Posted by Katiebird View Post
The email is his first and last name, no initials or numbers. I am not sure I know what a legit site is. He has had this email for a couple of years - so not years and years - like I have. I get some junk, but nothing like he gets - complete with pictures sometimes
Legit site = reputable business. Again, like match.com, adult friend finder, Plenty of Fish, EHarmony, OKCupid, that sort of thing. They're not in the business of sending spam emails to people out of the blue.

They send email to people who have accounts with them.

Why don't you tell us where these emails are coming from? That'd help.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:32 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

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Originally Posted by Lostme View Post
If you want the spam to stop, when you click on the email and go to the site there you will get an option to enter your email to stop getting them.

I use to get them until I started doing that. Hope this helps.
DO THIS WITH EXTREME CAUTION!

If this is not a legitimate website/business, you could be putting your computer and/or information at risk.

At best, they're confirming your email address is valid. At worst, you're clicking on something that will install malware or viruses on your computer, sometimes just by clicking the link.
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:35 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

I get spam from dating sites, hookup sites, drug sales, and on and on. I've visited very few of the sites, so most is just advertising, offers of trial memberships, and such. You can visit a site for a good reason, sign up for a newsletter or something, and your email may get sold to spammers. Unless it is a direct email from the site saying something like you've had visits from this many members, or a message from that user, and it's clear that you're a member of the site, it's spam. I've had my email account for years, and I get 10x more spam than valid messages - but the spam goes to the spam folder and I just check it periodically (for something valid that may have been misdirected) and delete the rest.


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post #11 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:37 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

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Originally Posted by alexm View Post
You can't, it's spam. Your address has made it's way onto a list, and there's nothing you can do about it. Some spambots randomize the address it's sent from, so you can't effectively block them. You'll block THAT address, but they'll just send you one from another account.

The most common way of finding your address on a spam list these days is through Facebook. Apps, games, that sort of thing. Click bait is horrendous on Facebook. ("You'll never believe what she did next!" That sort of thing.)
I'm guessing it's based on the email you used to sign up with on FB, correct? I'm half-tempted to create a new email and use it solely for Friends/Business/important sites and semi-abandon my previous email because the inbox is inundated with all kinds of bacon (legit emails I signed up for, but currently don't have interest in).
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post #12 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 07:48 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

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Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
I get spam from dating sites, hookup sites, drug sales, and on and on. I've visited very few of the sites, so most is just advertising, offers of trial memberships, and such. You can visit a site for a good reason, sign up for a newsletter or something, and your email may get sold to spammers. Unless it is a direct email from the site saying something like you've had visits from this many members, or a message from that user, and it's clear that you're a member of the site, it's spam. I've had my email account for years, and I get 10x more spam than valid messages - but the spam goes to the spam folder and I just check it periodically (for something valid that may have been misdirected) and delete the rest.
Yes and no. Like I said, you will not get email from legitimate websites that you have not given your address to, and even then, you almost always need an account to receive emails from them.

Case in point, Amazon does not use spam email to solicit business. Nor do the "big" dating sites like Match, et al. For starters, they don't need to. They also recognize spam email for what it is, and that people don't like it. A reputable company knows that they'd turn off 10 people for every 1 success via spam email.

So Match.com will not send you junk email. They WILL send you email in regards to your account (matches, news, etc.)

So I re-iterate to OP (and anybody else reading) that if your spouse (or you) are receiving emails from real, legitimate, well-known dating/hookup sites - there's an account associated with that email address. I've already listed the ones I can think of off the top of my head in this thread.
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post #13 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 08:03 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

Yes and no, alex. I do get trial offers from match periodically, and I'm not a member. Perhaps I clicked on their site once, or visited an affiliate - I don't know.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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post #14 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 09:39 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

I got an email just the other day from someone wanting me to be their 'pu$$y punisher". I've had my email forEVER though, so I may have used it in the past to sign up for some unsavoury sites when I was investigating what my husband was up to, but nothing recently, and I just started getting this type of crap.

I think it comes from someone selling email addresses. We give out email addresses EVERYwhere - stores, greeting card sites, surveys, signing up for places like TAM, etc. Any one of those places could have sold their database or been hacked or who knows what. Also, your email is in who knows how many other people's address books, so if they get spied on and their emails grabbed, it could happen that way.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #15 of 35 (permalink) Old 06-08-2016, 10:00 AM
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Re: Dating/hookup email

Remember with free Gmail accounts that you are the product, not the consumer, your surfing interests and keywords from your data are for sale.

The only spam I get (and at times risqué), is from Gmail, and I have never been on any dating site in my life.

If you want less intrusive free email including spamming, something like Microsoft's Outlook (outlook.live.com) or Apple iCloud (icloud.com) is safest, or an internal ISP (Charter, Qwest, Centurylink) but if you ISP hop for the best deals, the first two are best as they stay with you wherever you go.

Or you can pay for Gmail, but their trustworthiness is consistently under suspect.

Yahoo is not historically secure either.

Just my .02¢
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