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post #1 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 03:11 PM Thread Starter
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Husband at bachelor party

Hello,
I could really use some advice and opinions on this... My husband is the best man in his buddies wedding this August. The guys planned the grooms bachelor party out of town in Tampa for 4 days this weekend (we are from Canada).
We just had a newborn baby, she is 10 weeks old, but I would never expect my husband not to plan or goto this event for his best friend.

I love my husband and I feel we have a really great marriage, although only been married for 1.5 years and together for 3 years. We are both in our 30's (33 and 34). So far never had any major issues or trust issues. My husband does know that I have one major insecurity.. And that is men traveling out of town whether it be business or bachelor parties etc.
I can't even say this is a trust issue from past experiences, I have just heard so many horrible stories. I also have personally been out with girlfriends and been hit on married men, caught men taking off their wedding rings, witnessed men at bachelor parties, in my single days been one of those women invited into bachelor party shenanigans whether it be bottle service, etc.

Now don't get me wrong my husband is not the bar type. He hasn't been to a bar probably since we started dating. The only time he will ever be in a bar or strip club is at a bachelor party!

Since us dating/married he has been to 3 friends bachelor parties. He always text or called me, we would laugh about some funny stories of embarassing the groom on stage at the strip club, getting the groom wasted etc. All in good fun! My husband never made me anxious or uncomfortable and always did a good job checking in or giving me a good night call or text at the end of the crazy boys night!

This weekend away he checked in on our baby and I many times, he missed her so much and wanted to FaceTime to see her.
Friday night (the last night there) was the big bender night. Their plan was to head to a golf range / dinner and then return to the house and get ready, where the limo would pick them up and take them to the bar for the evening. They were doing bottle service and the whole shebang.

I last heard from my husband at 7pm saying they were at the golf place.. After that nothing..... I didn't text or call but went to bed with my daughter around 11pm.. I woke up at 7:30am to feed her and was shocked!! Not a single message, text, call NOTHING from my husband..
8am.. 9 am rolls around still nothing.
I sent him a text then and said I was completely shocked and disappointed and confused why on earth I had not received a single message since 7pm?

This is VERY out of character in our marriage and we have both never done this to each other, not even on our OWN stags when we got married in 2014. I was in Vegas and he was in Tampa and we sent many "Love you, miss you" type texts.

My husband finally wrote me back and called me around 10am. He said his phone died at 7pm at the golf place and he never got a chance to charge it.
The house they stayed at has a land line as well, and he is with 7 other guys.. Obviously someone had a charged phone!!

I haven't talked to my husband yet, he comes home today. I have ignored his numerous I'm so sorry texts and calls and voicemails.
I am incredibly hurt and confused...... I don't know if this means he cheated on me or he was up to no good!!!! He has never done this before, like I said we usually laugh at bachelor party drunken night shenanigans. I'm not the kind of wife that sets rules or says anything is off limits.. We just always had a mutual respect to call and check in on each other to say we love and miss each other- regardless of the time, how drunk we are etc.

I am especially hurt that he would pull a stunt like this while I am home with our 10week old newborn.. It makes me feel really ignored, hurt and insecure. As many women know, having a baby wreaks havoc on you emotionally, your body changes and needs to recover, you are adjusting to life as a new mother - it's a very hard time.

I am obviously going to talk to him when he gets home but I have just been ignoring him for like 2 days because I keep crying and feel hurt, angry, confused..

Thanks for any suggestions or opinions on this

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post #2 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 03:18 PM
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If he truly hadn't been to a bar since you got married, he was probably caught up in the fun of being around friends in a party atmosphere. I can see being upset, but think you may be taking it a bit far.

After having kids, it's hard on moms and dads alike and it strips you of what used to be normal and distances you from friends. He probably just cut loose for a night and enjoyed having time for himself. You should do the same every now and then.
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post #3 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 03:44 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

Husband sounds like he deserves the benefit of a doubt. By your own account he sounds like a stand up type of man. Don't judge him on things others have done. Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself.

Stop complaining about what you don't have...start enjoying what you do have.
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post #4 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:10 PM Thread Starter
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So when I goto the brides bachelorette out of town in 2 weeks, I should just get really drunk, have a great time and not even worry about calling and texting him at all? Just go party and call him the next morning at 10am.
Every fibre of my being just doesn't feel that is right?????? Even if he and I both are perfect Angels.. I just don't understand why I couldn't send a drunken, "I'm home stumbling to bed now honey" .. I really honestly cannot wrap my head around not being able to do that / or expect that in return....
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post #5 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:16 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

Good evening
I completely agree with your being upset that he didn't call until late the next morning.

If he doesn't normally drink, Its possible that he got himself completely passing out drunk, but that still is really unacceptable behavior. If he were very drunk he might not have been able to figure out other ways to contact you.

Its not that difficult to turn down drinks at bars. I've gone to bars with friends a number of times and I don't drink. Just order an orange juice, or diet coke or something. The barman is not going to look at you funny. If your friends don't accept your lack of drinking, you need new friends.
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post #6 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:21 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

Don't really understand the need for some men to have these wild and crazy bachelor parties...I have a few friends, and the bride and groom with all their friends, went for a night on the town to Vegas, and it was a blast. I like that idea of combining a fun night out for both the bachelor and bachelorette.

I'd say that you should just calmly explain why it hurt you, and move on. And don't do the same thing back, when you go out for a bachelorette party. If you want a positive relationship, two wrongs will never make a right. I get why you are upset, but, calmly explain that you didn't appreciate it. Don't come across insecure and jealous...sounds like you married a good man, and sometimes good men make mistakes. This seems like an honest mistake, and he got caught up in the night, and probably went to sleep late, and called you when he woke up. If it happens again...then, it's not a mistake. Hope it works out.
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post #7 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:21 PM Thread Starter
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He definitely would have been completely obliterated - along with all the guys I am sure. I mean, I'm 34 I have had many many drunken nights out in my day - but I have never ever not been able to text or call someone? Even being out hammered you obviously need to call for a taxi or something also... So I don't see what prevented him from contacting me. There was a land line at the house too, even if his cell was dead.



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Originally Posted by richardsharpe View Post
Good evening
I completely agree with your being upset that he didn't call until late the next morning.

If he doesn't normally drink, Its possible that he got himself completely passing out drunk, but that still is really unacceptable behavior. If he were very drunk he might not have been able to figure out other ways to contact you.

Its not that difficult to turn down drinks at bars. I've gone to bars with friends a number of times and I don't drink. Just order an orange juice, or diet coke or something. The barman is not going to look at you funny. If your friends don't accept your lack of drinking, you need new friends.
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post #8 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:31 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

If you're breastfeeding, I can't recommend you getting drunk. The rest of your plan sounds good. It will do him good to be on the receiving end.
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post #9 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:36 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

@mariemount12 I can understand your situation, my husband goes away on these nights, honestly he sounds like a good guy, probably just got really drunk & forgot to charge his phone.
Plus I'd say he was badly hungover the next day & texted you as soon as he got up & had remorse about not contacting you sooner.

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post #10 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:38 PM
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I think you're way overreacting. Do you not believe his phone died? Has he given you any reason to doubt him? He has always been communicative in the past, seems a bit much to get so upset over this one time. And ignoring him for 2 days doesn't seem like a good way to resolve this either. He has already apologized profusely. Not sure what you're trying to accomplish by ignoring him. Other than teaching him a lesson. Which sounds petty to me.

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post #11 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 04:43 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

"Which sounds petty to me." It wouldn't sound petty to you if you were the one sitting at home with a ten week old baby. Cut her some slack. She's sitting in Canada with her baby and her hormones and he's sitting in Tampa, Florida with his buds and booze and golf. If anyone needs a 4 day vacation, it's her.
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post #12 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 05:05 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

Is this more about him not calling or him going away while you are at home with a 10 week old? You can be disappointed and you are in the right to express that to him. But if he is as you yourself describe a good, honest man how far do you want to take this? What do you want him to do now about? He has apologized, you either accept it or don't.
Yes, you should go in a few weeks to your friends thing and have a great time...give him a taste of his own medicine. After being pregnant and now a newborn you deserve it.

Stop complaining about what you don't have...start enjoying what you do have.
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post #13 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 05:07 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

Tell him you were hurt and worried. And explain why.

And do not seek revenge.

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #14 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 05:24 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

Bachelor parties get absolutely insane, it's easy to lose track. But honestly out of every bachelor party I've been to I've NEVER seen a married man cheat on his wife with a stripper or another woman during the night. I've even seen a lot of married guys step out of the house or go to a bar while the stripper comes in. The single guys sure, they lose their sh*t completely. But overall it isn't a night where men just bang strippers and hookers, it's more about male bonding than anything else. I wouldn't worry about it, you sound like you two are in a good place.
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post #15 of 189 (permalink) Old 06-12-2016, 05:56 PM
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Re: Husband at bachelor party

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Originally Posted by mariemount12 View Post
I just don't understand why I couldn't send a drunken, "I'm home stumbling to bed now honey" .. I really honestly cannot wrap my head around not being able to do that / or expect that in return....
Even if he HAD sent you a message like that, it would prove nothing. He could have still been in a hotel room surrounded by strippers.

He sounds like a trustworthy guy. No, you should not get drunk and stay out all night. Get over your own insecurities and stop projecting movie scenes from "The Bachelor" onto him.
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