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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 12:39 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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so right on all accounts...


for sure. I got this lame ass apology yesterday, and she immediately turned it on me and pointed out all of my errors. There is no real remorse, therefore she will do it again and again. I have made alot of mistakes, but it does not justify cheating.
Block her phone number. Seriously. When people blame you for cheating, block 'em.

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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

Diedre, looks to me that most people do consider it cheating. This is the same EXACT deal that was the final straw in my marriage. She started this email/text thing with a guy she met in Vegas.

The issue is the attention to another person of opposite sex. Sharing intimacy, sex stuff, etc... all the things that should be reserved for you. I will never be convinced otherwise.
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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 01:05 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Diedre, looks to me that most people do consider it cheating. This is the same EXACT deal that was the final straw in my marriage. She started this email/text thing with a guy she met in Vegas.

The issue is the attention to another person of opposite sex. Sharing intimacy, sex stuff, etc... all the things that should be reserved for you. I will never be convinced otherwise.
This is exactly it! The sooner everyone comes to realize and accept this, the better off we can all be. This kind of thing is just way too easy in current times with our cell phones, and its scary as sh!t. Its a different world than it was just 10 years ago...harping on trust and control issues is no longer valid, sad to say.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 02:15 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Diedre, looks to me that most people do consider it cheating. This is the same EXACT deal that was the final straw in my marriage. She started this email/text thing with a guy she met in Vegas.

The issue is the attention to another person of opposite sex. Sharing intimacy, sex stuff, etc... all the things that should be reserved for you. I will never be convinced otherwise.
I used to attract players, and not that we are at fault for how people treat us, but we are at fault for staying with people who mistreat us. So, the next time you are in a relationship, and the woman starts doing these things...LEAVE HER. Don't hang in for a year or two hoping it will change. Usually people like this are attention seekers, and it typically shows itself before the cheating. So, look for red flags and the MINUTE someone treats you like crap...LEAVE. You deserve better but no one will know that unless you start treating yourself better.
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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

I just came from a session with my psych... he helped me see the following so clearly..

It all comes from your her humongous fear of abandonment. She wants to keep all options available. Case in point when she said “I don’t want to burn a bridge” when I confronted her about a sext to a man she dated 4 years ago but sexted in May. Same deal when she lied and said she had broken up with a boyfriend which was a complete lie and she continued a relationship with him. And of course this is the exact reason she cannot let go of her ex husband. She uses sex because it will work on men. she is e so worried that we won’t work that she has to keep others on the hook just in case.

Well, that does not work in a committed relationship. You have to be 100% committed to me and nobody else. You have to KNOW that we will work out and take the risk to let go of all other men. But this gal just can’t do that. It would be like asking me to lift 2000 lbs, I just can’t do that. And at your her age this is not going to change. I am done believing that she can. It is how she copes with the fear of abandonment.


Maybe she can find a guy who can live with this. Who can accept that she needs to have other men on the hook in case it does not work. I am just not that guy
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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 03:50 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

Very few guys are THAT guy. THAT guy is called a cuckold.

So, what's your plan now? Can you keep from being sucked in again?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

Hope, there is nothing she could tell me that would suck me in. the only thing she could ever be is just a woman I date while dating others. But, that is not what I want with her. I asked her to marry me, she said yes. But even that was not enough to get her to drop other men. She literally typed out messages to her ex husband while wearing her engagmenet ring from me. She cannot help herself, it is a deep rooted defense tool for her.
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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:09 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

You're split up with her, right?

Actually what I meant was, what are you going to do to keep from getting sucked in by another cheater?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:11 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

You would literally have deep mental problems to marry this woman.
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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

oh.... now there's a super good question. Considering that this has happened with my ex-wife and now 2 other women since my divorce. The thing is that with my ex wife and the first Cheater via text I cut it off fast. This one I gave 2 years.
I guess I just need to be on the lookout for it and cut it off fast. I need to know that it does not get any better over time

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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:33 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

Hmm. Well, my suggestion would be to fix your picker. Like you said, work on yourself. Start with some books - which ones I have no idea, but I'm sure there's some - that talk about why you keep hooking up with cheaters. Do lots of reading. Maybe see a therapist. Maybe there's a club or group you can join. Do stuff just for you without the prospect of meeting someone. Maybe don't even date anyone for a couple of years.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:50 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

[QUOTE=Hope1964;15989225
Actually what I meant was, what are you going to do to keep from getting sucked in by another cheater?[/QUOTE]

He needs to reverse his picker. If he finds a woman he is drawn to, he needs to drop her. And do the opposite.
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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:52 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

It's not your fault you picked cheaters if you had no warning. This one has given you lots of warning, yet you gave her a ring?

Make no mistake, what she is doing is no doubt cheating.

What do YOU think the problem is that you keep getting these "ladies"??
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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

When I gave her the ring, March 2015, she was not doing the Sexting thing. Things were good. It is when we had financial problems that all this started back again. And it just got to be worse and worse over time. She would argue that the lack of security that I did not provide has her feeling so insecure that she has to keep her ex husband on the hook.

When we got together it was just the typical ex spouse type of talk, so there were no warning signals.

I do not care how insecure we are, or feel scarred for our future. It doesn't justify running to another man or woman.
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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 05:06 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

I wouldn't put up with it for a single minute!

It's well past time for you to do "the 180" on her deceitful, skanky a$$ and to pay yourself a visit to a good family attorney to assess your legal rights and to draw up an immediate petition for divorce!

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