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post #31 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 05:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

no, we never go to the actual wedding date. Thank god!

This whole fiasco is just exhausting. She seems so genuine when she commits to put an end to this. But like my message earlier today says, she just cannot do it. It is her coping mechanism for her deep fear of abandonment. She keeps her ex husband (and other men) on the hook in case we do not work out.

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post #32 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 05:20 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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So, maybe it's me. Call me old fashioned. Whatever. If yo are doing any of this stop it! it is not right and it hurts.
So what are you going to do about it? Cry to her and vent on forums? Do you want to be the man who just takes it or the man who stands up for himself and leaves? If you do every leave, don't first write a long sappy letter about your 'feelings' for her. Don't waste precious time with people who do not respect you.
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post #33 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 05:23 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

You still haven't answered my question.

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what are you going to do to keep from getting sucked in by another cheater?

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.


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post #34 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 05:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

I did answer... here it is

oh.... now there's a super good question. Considering that this has happened with my ex-wife and now 2 other women since my divorce. The thing is that with my ex wife and the first Cheater via text I cut it off fast. This one I gave 2 years.
I guess I just need to be on the lookout for it and cut it off fast. I need to know that it does not get any better over time.

No to the other poster. No sappy letter. It would be a waste of time. She does not get it. She never will. This is a true irreconcilable issue..
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post #35 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 05:36 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Hope, there is nothing she could tell me that would suck me in. the only thing she could ever be is just a woman I date while dating others. But, that is not what I want with her. I asked her to marry me, she said yes. But even that was not enough to get her to drop other men. She literally typed out messages to her ex husband while wearing her engagmenet ring from me. She cannot help herself, it is a deep rooted defense tool for her.
She's a narcissist. That's what she is. And you are an empath, which is what narcissists gravitate towards. That's why you keep attracting narcissists. Please read about this dynamic, it will help you shut the door and not let anyone else like her come in. We all have issues, but we all don't use people, or manipulate them. Narcissists do that. It's worth the time to research the topic a bit.
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post #36 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-24-2016, 07:10 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

Say good-bye and walk away for good!
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post #37 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-25-2016, 02:27 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Diedre, looks to me that most people do consider it cheating. This is the same EXACT deal that was the final straw in my marriage. She started this email/text thing with a guy she met in Vegas.

The issue is the attention to another person of opposite sex. Sharing intimacy, sex stuff, etc... all the things that should be reserved for you. I will never be convinced otherwise.
Who cares what it is "considered". She is hurting you. And she does not care.
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post #38 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-26-2016, 09:26 AM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

Jdeasy,

Here's what you can do right now to improve your next relationship.

Track down everyone your GF is having inappropriate conversations with, then expose the whole group to THEIR GFs, wives, Mothers, family members etc.

When you meet your next GF tell her the story of how you exposed your exGFs emotional affairs, this will show here that you will not lay down when cheated on, and their will be a cost to the OM, express how the exposure was done systematically completely and without warnings or treads with the impartiality and seriousness of a Judge pronouncing execution.

Two years is a long time to endure emotional affairs because when a woman becomes emotionally closer to someone other than you, it almost always the case that she has also sexually detached from you as well, or she is thinking of the other person while intimate with you.

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post #39 of 43 (permalink) Old 07-03-2016, 04:14 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not gonna go thru the trouble to expose this thing. Just moving on. And yes I will be crystal clear with the next woman. It's a one strike and your out. Because I know now from 3 different women that you can never recover from it.
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post #40 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:10 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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I just guess I am venting. I have been cheated on over and over by my Woman of over 2 years. It is all Text/email/phone calls. It is everything from "how was your day" to full on XXX rated talk. She has done this with primarily with her ex-husband and some other guys here and there. She just doesn't think it is cheating in the same sense as if she had sex with another man.

Well, to me it is! It hurts just as bad. It is the sharing of private stuff and boyfriend type talk that should be reserved for only me.
I do not want to spend my life monitoring her phone and email accounts. This has come up with another girlfriend from 2011 as well, who did not understand it was cheating and it was wrong.

So, maybe it's me. Call me old fashioned. Whatever. If yo are doing any of this stop it! it is not right and it hurts.
OK so why are you still with her???

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post #41 of 43 (permalink) Old 04-16-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Hope, there is nothing she could tell me that would suck me in. the only thing she could ever be is just a woman I date while dating others. But, that is not what I want with her. I asked her to marry me, she said yes. But even that was not enough to get her to drop other men. She literally typed out messages to her ex husband while wearing her engagmenet ring from me. She cannot help herself, it is a deep rooted defense tool for her.
Of course she can help herself.
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post #42 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-05-2017, 01:09 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Originally Posted by jdesey View Post
I just guess I am venting. I have been cheated on over and over by my Woman of over 2 years. It is all Text/email/phone calls. It is everything from "how was your day" to full on XXX rated talk. She has done this with primarily with her ex-husband and some other guys here and there. She just doesn't think it is cheating in the same sense as if she had sex with another man.

Well, to me it is! It hurts just as bad. It is the sharing of private stuff and boyfriend type talk that should be reserved for only me.
I do not want to spend my life monitoring her phone and email accounts. This has come up with another girlfriend from 2011 as well, who did not understand it was cheating and it was wrong.

So, maybe it's me. Call me old fashioned. Whatever. If yo are doing any of this stop it! it is not right and it hurts.
Its not you. This is Cheating, sex doesn't have to take place for it to be.

Ask her if she would be OK with you doing the same with another woman?

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And I bleed when I fall down
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart ~christina perri~
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post #43 of 43 (permalink) Old 06-05-2017, 01:44 PM
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Re: No Sex Cheating hurts just as much..text/email/phone

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Originally Posted by jdesey View Post
Diedre, looks to me that most people do consider it cheating. This is the same EXACT deal that was the final straw in my marriage. She started this email/text thing with a guy she met in Vegas.

The issue is the attention to another person of opposite sex. Sharing intimacy, sex stuff, etc... all the things that should be reserved for you. I will never be convinced otherwise.
I think you are singing to the choir here on TAM with that one
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