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The Guy That Takes Care of You

9K views 100 replies 38 participants last post by  sapientia 
#1 ·
How many of you would want a guy that worked, and took care of you, as opposed of you having to work or go to school? Would you be fine with this, or would you want to work and go to school and not have a man take care of you in this manner. Have him bring him the money, doing the working, as you would be the house wife etc. Would you again be accepting of this or not? What do you think of men who are alright with this sort of relationship?
 
#3 ·
Nataly, get a job and move out of your parents house. No man is going to want to "keep" you like that, since you aren't even willing to have children for him.

Oh, and you don't want to have sex either...good luck with that.
 
#5 ·
He works, cleans the house, do laundry, cooks and pay the bills. Then, what do I do all day? Does take care of the kids too?

I don't think I would want that. I am a SAHM, for over 10 years. He works and brings home the money. I work at everything else. It's a partnership, not indenturedship.

I don't want a man like that, who does everything. Then, what am I contributing to our lives? I would feel like I am not doing my share. I would feel useless.
 
#7 ·
It sounds like your parents have gotten fed up with you so you're desperately trying to find someone to take you in and keep you in the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed.

Contrary to your opinion that guys not being interested in you is not your fault, it really is. They can smell a user a mile away.
 
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#10 ·
There is nothing wrong with a marriage where the man is the breadwinner and the wife is the homemaker.

There is something slightly off in the way you phrase your question, however, because you seem to be implying that when the man is the wage earner, while the wife is a full time mom/homemaker, he's "working" and she's not.

Stay at home moms and housewives perform the jobs of several people, and they are on duty 24/7/365. Research has shown that if they were paid for their services, they would be earning upward of $90K per year. https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/b...s-real-salary/2012/02/01/gIQAh7czhQ_blog.html

So don't make the mistake of assuming that just because she's not getting paid, she's not "working." You may be taking care of her financially, but she's taking care of you in every other way. You're still ahead of the game.

Meanwhile, keep in mind that she's doing this at great risk to herself, because if you should decide to pick up and leave her, she will be left in a ditch.

So have a little respect for working partners who don't work for a living, but who, instead, work for YOU.

And while you're at it, go call your mom and thank her for all her unpaid labor in raising you.
 
#11 ·
Stay at home moms and housewives perform the jobs of several people, and they are on duty 24/7/365. Research has shown that if they were paid for their services, they would be earning upward of $90K per year. https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/b...s-real-salary/2012/02/01/gIQAh7czhQ_blog.html
That's a BS statistic. There is a huge difference between a professional chef and a mom pouring a bowl of cereal for her kids for breakfast. There's a big difference between a taxi driver that goes where he's told, when he's told, and a SAHM that can arrange her schedule so she can stop by the gym (of course using the free child care services there) on the way home from the grocery store. I could go on, but you get the point.

The real value of a SAHM is not monetary. It's that she gets to raise her own kids instead of paying someone else to do it for her. Nataly, if you aren't planning on having and raising kids then there is no reason for you to stay at home and not contribute. That's just plain lazy.
 
#12 ·
If I had to work, I don't think it would be worth being married.
 
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#13 ·
I went to school and got my degrees before I got married.

If there are no kids, I would not want to not work. I'd want to keep my skills in the workplace and contribute monetarily to the relationship and for my life.

I was a SAHM for 13 years when there were little ones to take care of.

I think a young man would be interested in an educated partner who was employed, if there were no kids. It's unusual to find one who wants to be the sole earner without kids.
 
#20 ·
It works great, especially if you have kids.

The man has to be trustworthy, though. Otherwise it is too risky.
 
#33 ·
If you are an amazing wife and mother a man will keep you this way. I was a stay at home mother whilst my kids were young but I finished my college degree at the same time. As soon as my kids went to school I began work in my profession. In order to provide for your children you cannot sit at home forever unless you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth. My husband was also older than me, didn't want his kids in care or a wife without a degree.
 
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#36 ·
I have very much enjoyed the years where I was able to stay home with our growing children... Outside of a few yrs, I've always had small side jobs though...

If my husband had his way.. I'd always be in the home... it was more me who said "We need more money" and I'd take on this job or that....there was a time he complained I was never home, when we had our 1st son... he'd come home.. I'd be off with a kiss (so we didn't have to pay babysitters)...

He would tell me we didn't need the extra money....in his world, the ideal is for the man to be the breadwinner..to protect & provide (this is how he was raised), and allow the Mother to stay at home -if this was her desire (actually it was mine -as I wanted a larger family)

Just as some feel it's important that the MAN be faithful and good if a woman is not earning for herself (seeing great risk for the woman)..... it's just as important for the man to marry a Faithful woman who isn't going to take him to the cleaners and destroy everything he has built for the family...that he doesn't end up loosing his home & half he worked for....

He has never pressured me that I wasn't living up to some Modern standard of feminism being married to him, that I am lessor without bringing home an equal amount of bacon.... at the same time ...He'd support me in anything I wanted to do.. he just wants my happiness & a smooth running of our family.. I work many more hours of late...things are getting busy.. more Rushed around here... but we make it work.. do I miss some of those years where things were more carefree.. laid back... I DO!@#

But we do what we have to do.. to take care of the family.. 2 sons in college...I need to contribute more so...he still would rather have me home.. it's more my idea to get out there ... I dearly love this man for allowing me this freedom.. One thing he well knows about me though.. I'm not lazy.. and if there is any hint of us using too much of our savings.. I'd be working my rear end off to build that back up... but if we can afford it....this is a preferred lifestyle for us.. most especially when the children were young & needed cared for.
 
#39 ·
I almost hate to say this because people will roll their eyes :rolleyes:... but I treat my husband like a King.. what ever he wants.. I make it happen... he deserves it.. and he's always treated me like a Queen..

You mentioned Appreciation... that's the key...there is great appreciation there for what each of us bring.. when 2 has the attitude of "teamwork" and serving each other.. both are left feeling very loved & cared for..

We're not a rich family.. but I can't say we have need of anything either.. We've done very well for ourselves, considering our lower Middle class income.

Now if we can just get all the kids through college...this is what I worry about the most.
 
#41 ·
"...if we can afford it....this is a preferred lifestyle for us.. most especially when the children were young & needed cared for."

Exactly.

It is a preferred lifestyle, and one that makes sense, when there are children who need care, and the husband's income far outweighs the wife's potential earnings outside of the home. Often, it makes little financial sense... after you pay for daycare/nanny and taxes, to get a paying job unless you have a high-paying career.

Of course, to each his own, ladies and gentleman. What I have a beef with is the suggestion that a woman is lazy because she stays at home and doesn't contribute MONETARILY to the partnership, when in fact she contributes in terms of free labor, and the partnership makes sense economically because each contributes with their strongest complimentary skills.

This is one of the reasons marriages are financially more efficient than single households. And one of the reasons divorce is detrimental, especially when children are present.
 
#45 ·
Of course, to each his own, ladies and gentleman. What I have a beef with is the suggestion that a woman is lazy because she stays at home and doesn't contribute MONETARILY to the partnership, when in fact she contributes in terms of free labor, and the partnership makes sense economically because each contributes with their strongest complimentary skills.
There are many many threads here about the SAHM that does essentially nothing. No cleaning, cooking, errands etc. Or threads about the wife the does not want to work but kids are out of house or beyond age of needing care. Many of those husbands think their wives are lazy and they are probably right.

Now, for the guys that accept that arrangement or financially do not need the wife to work, then good for them.

BTW, my statements hold even if you reverse the genders.
 
#43 ·
That is what most of us believe as well @AngelHeart888. What most of us disagree on is that OP thinks being a kept woman will win her smooching off a poor man that is so darn greatful she loves him that he won't mind taking him for all he has while she sits home and eats bonbons so to speak because she is uneducated, feels entitled, won't have sex with him, and won't have children either. What man would want that long term? I have a feeling that with her way of thinking she will die an old maid by choice!:surprise:

She is almost 30 and has been engaged twice, but no marriage and no kept woman lifestyle yet. Where does she think this is headed...not happily ever after, that is for sure!

Either this person is a troll, or she has a few loose screws to try the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

My crystal ball sees old maid in her future.:wink2:
 
#47 ·
I would never want to have this arrangement personally. In fact my mom stayed home and stills does and it caused a lot of problems for her. it was one of those things that as a teenage girl I vowed to myself never to turn into my mother (we all do don't we?) and I worked hard not to become her. I told my husband no matter what to never let me stay home, just because i had a bad experience with it watching my mom. My husband wouldn't care if I stayed home as long as I was happy. I think there are a lot of men who if made good money would like their wife to stay home if that's something they wanted.

The problem with staying home in my opinion, is after the kids are all grown up I think it's a hard transition for them. Not all of them. To me. Working part time is the best of both worlds, working but having time to be with the kids and to run the house.
 
#54 ·
What makes me sad about your posts is that you have no motivation to make ANYTHING of your own life. How can one person just sit there all day and not want better for themselves? I really think you need a lot of therapy NOT a man.
Also your posts make me incredibly angry because you sound exactly like my brother's good-for-nothing girlfriend. She literally sits on her expansive backside each and every day while he works his fingers to the bone, but alas this says more about HIM than her.
If I ever come across as harsh you could understand why.
Anyway you come here for advice and we all tell you the same thing. You need help not a boyfriend, also you need to get a job and learn to be more independent because one day you will end up on your own. A lot of the advise you have been receiving I would gladly tell my daughters so maybe start paying attention.
 
#55 ·
All this SAHM, 24/7, $90k talk is interesting for debate, but none of this relates to OP. She is not a SAHM. She does not want kids. She does not want to work outside the home, not so that she can raise the kids. She just does not want to work AT ANYTHING. She does not want to further her education. She won't have "sex" until she is married.

She is 28 maybe 29 by now. Her parents may be late 50's? At some point they either will want to travel, or kick her out, or pass away etc and she will need to be supported by someone else, unless her parents leave her with a bunch of money. So she posts this thread to ask us if we think such a guy out there exists that will want to support her.

Her life will improve greatly if she would just get job, even minimum wage. She will make friends, learn social skills, and I would 100% guarantee get some dates from either her coworkers, or persons/friends the coworkers set her up with.
 
#56 ·
All this SAHM, 24/7, $90k talk is interesting for debate, but none of this relates to OP. She is not a SAHM. She does not want kids. She does not want to work outside the home, not so that she can raise the kids. She just does not want to work AT ANYTHING. She does not want to further her education. She won't have "sex" until she is married.

She is 28 maybe 29 by now. Her parents may be late 50's? At some point they either will want to travel, or kick her out, or pass away etc and she will need to be supported by someone else, unless her parents leave her with a bunch of money. So she posts this thread to ask us if we think such a guy out there exists that will want to support her.

Her life will improve greatly if she would just get job, even minimum wage. She will make friends, learn social skills, and I would 100% guarantee get some dates from either her coworkers, or persons/friends the coworkers set her up with.
Yeah we know that. We aren't talking with her, we are talking over her >:)
 
#61 ·
Musicdiva..I'm not familiar with your recent threads or posts.. you seem to be getting beat up on here.. others feeling you will surely end up an old Maid with cats round about you.....

Some advice...take it for whatever it's worth....If you are seeking a more Traditional Man.. they are harder to find today.. some may still be found in churches..but even these men know they need to be ever careful about what sort of woman they attach themselves to....far too much is at stake these days...more & more men want women with careers, or at least she's shown she CAN live on her own, making it...

I've known a couple women in my life who never drove a car.. this is near unheard of today, they didn't work either.. both had families & good husbands...I can't imagine someone like this finding a boyfriend today -even in our own area..it's just a different world we live in...

Be a GIVER...the sorry problem with too many people is.. if you are too good to them.. they start to take advantage of it.. don't BE this person.. and don't marry someone like that.. .. marry someone who appreciates the little things.. I guess is what I am trying to say...

A more Traditional man (if he's a good one that is) will appreciate your holding down the fort at Home, if /when you have kids...if you both can afford to live within your means...he may even prefer this..to take the pressure off of him, doing chores at home, etc....

It's very important for us all to be self aware .. to see ourselves how others SEE US.. so we can work on ourselves.. being the BEST we can be.. and give in a relationship..being that Team player...when this is flowing ..hopefully we'll naturally validate each other...

There is a term used by relationship Experts called "Interdependence"...

Two people in a healthy relationship are said to be "Interdependent". In contrast to existing alone, it is a voluntary recognition that “no man is an island,” and that we must co-inhabit the space in which we live ...

If a couple is too "independent" of each other.. they may be too focused on self / own hobbies, not enough "couple time" to grow & enjoy each other... on the other hand.. if one is too "dependent" on the other.. this is no good.. we don't want our husbands feeling like we're a burden to him...dragging him down..we want to carry our own weight... which strengthens our union, this also gives us appreciation for each others roles.. though our roles may be very different, varying from couple to couple ...

Hopefully...we very much appreciate all the other brings to our lives.. this enhances our experience...so no one feels taken advantage of......
 
#62 ·
It's a matter of personal choice. For me, I don't think that I would ever be able to stay at home. I'd drive myself crazy with boredom. I like to work (it's good to feel needed), but I also do not have any children. I do think that unless you have dependents to take care of or if you're disabled, if you stay at home, then that's just plain lazy. And I don't respect lazy people. I do admire the parents that have made the choice of having a stay at home mom or dad for the purpose of raising the kids. I think that's the best way to do it (it's for the children). Not many people are able to do that.
 
#64 ·
The idea of being a SAHM is certainly appealing. We don't have children yet but have discussed this. My income would be a lot to give up though and we live in an expensive area. I'm on my way to making as much as my husband this year, possibly more. I also don't think I would be happy to give up my financial independence. The good thing about my job though is my boss allows the women on my team to work from home once they have children.
 
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