My husband and I have had lots of problems with him having inappropriate relationships due to his lack of boundaries. To save our marriage, he's been coming clean about everything, and it makes me sick. There's been no physical cheating, kissing, or touching, but it still makes me feel horrible. He told me he's been keeping his ex on the back-burner in case we break up. When we were having a tough time in our marriage, he even compared me unfavorably to her, saying she's more kind and easygoing and she's always up for sex, and I'm not. He told me that even now, after we've made up, that he'd have sex with her if we split up. He said they broke up because she was annoying and clingy, and wanted a future with him, and he didn't want one with her.
He thinks she's fat and unattractive, but they share common interests and she's really easy and always up for sex. She showers him with compliments all the time, and he says he likes having his ego stroked (he naturally has kind of low self-esteem). He said he would never be in a relationship with her because she's too ****ty, clingy, immature, unattractive, etc, but he would most likely sleep with her again if we broke up, because she's familiar and would be willing.
I (mostly) believe nothing happened between them. He's so egotistical that he thinks he's too good to "cheat" even though he's been pretty horrible without doing it. He's admitted that they've talked about sex, her: "remember when we were at X and had sex outside?" her: "you look so sexy, I could jump your bones right now." her: "I'm going on vacation and I'm going to sleep with someone." him: "you don't have to," her: "you know I can't help myself!" him: "is there anyone other than [her then-bf] that you'd have sex with?" her: "just you." him: do you think we'd be together if wife and I split up, and you and bf split up?
He's admitted that he lied about going to her house. He's admitted that he bad-talked her boyfriend so he could have her to himself if we broke up. I feel stupid... I feel like he's trash for being interested in her (and other women) whose main virtues are this shared hobby and the fact that they're easy. He hasn't crossed the line with them, though, like with her. I feel stupid for being so slow to shut down the relationship, because I didn't want to be "paranoid," "jealous," or "controlling." I finally drew a line 5 months ago when I got tired of him driving TWO HOURS to visit her at her parents' house (next to hers) and wanted to meet her finally, or else he couldn't see her unless we met. She refused, and he got mad at her and they have talked only sparingly since, and only met once when she was having a "crisis."
A few days ago is when he started dropping all these bombshells. I've been asking, though, he hasn't really been volunteering. I've threatened and tried to leave him so many times, but now I'm just feeling too tired to keep trying to get him to understand and conform to acceptable behavior.
He thinks she's fat and unattractive, but they share common interests and she's really easy and always up for sex. She showers him with compliments all the time, and he says he likes having his ego stroked (he naturally has kind of low self-esteem). He said he would never be in a relationship with her because she's too ****ty, clingy, immature, unattractive, etc, but he would most likely sleep with her again if we broke up, because she's familiar and would be willing.
I (mostly) believe nothing happened between them. He's so egotistical that he thinks he's too good to "cheat" even though he's been pretty horrible without doing it. He's admitted that they've talked about sex, her: "remember when we were at X and had sex outside?" her: "you look so sexy, I could jump your bones right now." her: "I'm going on vacation and I'm going to sleep with someone." him: "you don't have to," her: "you know I can't help myself!" him: "is there anyone other than [her then-bf] that you'd have sex with?" her: "just you." him: do you think we'd be together if wife and I split up, and you and bf split up?
He's admitted that he lied about going to her house. He's admitted that he bad-talked her boyfriend so he could have her to himself if we broke up. I feel stupid... I feel like he's trash for being interested in her (and other women) whose main virtues are this shared hobby and the fact that they're easy. He hasn't crossed the line with them, though, like with her. I feel stupid for being so slow to shut down the relationship, because I didn't want to be "paranoid," "jealous," or "controlling." I finally drew a line 5 months ago when I got tired of him driving TWO HOURS to visit her at her parents' house (next to hers) and wanted to meet her finally, or else he couldn't see her unless we met. She refused, and he got mad at her and they have talked only sparingly since, and only met once when she was having a "crisis."
A few days ago is when he started dropping all these bombshells. I've been asking, though, he hasn't really been volunteering. I've threatened and tried to leave him so many times, but now I'm just feeling too tired to keep trying to get him to understand and conform to acceptable behavior.