omega

Another thread made me wonder about this one. I made it a poll so you don't have to out yourself.

If your spouse experienced a drastic change in physical appearance, would you leave? Examples: losing a limb, severe disfiguring burns, a woman permanently losing all her hair, etc.

I don't mean a guy getting a little bald spot or a woman gaining a few pounds. Just curious how you all stand on this!

YinPrincess

In my heart I want to say no, but it would depend on what happened and why. As far as losing a limb or severe burns.. I don't think it would bother me. I really love my husband and I think he's beautiful, and I can't just see myself ditching him when going through something like that. I also tend to find 'imperfections' beautiful and appealing in others. I have a series of nasty scars down the left side of my body (motorcycle accident) and my husband was by my side throughout the entire painful healing process. We were just friends at the time, and when my gross, oozing flesh wounds and disgusting bandage changes didn't stop him from coming over and caring/cooking for me and my pups while I healed, and in fact, was the very incident that sealed us, romantically, there is no way in HELL I'd turn my back on him. He was there for me when I needed someone the most. We now look upon my scars, while not severely disfiguring, with fond memories. I think I would have a harder time with mental disfigurement, though.
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Cherry

I'm with Yin on it would depend on what happened and why. In my heart, I'd say never, but in reality, it would depend on the situation. We have a neighbor who is a quadriplegia, she was hit by a drunk driver in 1984 shortly after she and her H married. Her H has stood by her since then and I find it extremely commendable. I look at them and say to myself that they are in their 60's, so it's different, but it's not I know that because the accident happened almost 30 years ago and they were younger than we are now when that happened. He had a child from a previous marriage, she had none. I don't know what they do with their sex life, but for me that would be one of the hardest things to deal with when considering staying with someone who possibly couldn't participate in the intimacy of marriage.

omega

YinPrincess, what a touching story. Having your future husband by your side must have been a big part of your recovery. It breaks my heart that I wasn't with my husband when he went through a major accident + surgeries + bad scarring ... we hadn't met yet, so it's not my fault!

Runs like Dog

Hold a dying child in your arms and get back to me about that.

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that_girl

I took vows. I'm not saying it would be easy or what i would want to do at that time, but...I took vows.

Just thinking about leaving him in his major time of need makes me very sad I couldn't do it. I love the guy

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donewithit

a physical change would never be a reason to leave my husband..especially if it were a disfigurement.. I would not love him less, in fact I would probably go into total protection of him mode...

if he were to stop taking care of himself..i could see my attraction dropping..but I hope I would have the guts to talk to him about it...I am not talking about a few pounds..I am talking..no showers..no dental care..slobbishness...

thankfully my hubby is a clean freak..so don't see that happening..but if he were (god forbid) disfigured in any way...he would still be the man i love. and i would do what ever i could to make him feel good about himself.

ren

I don't think I would but it's tough to really say. My ex-wife put on a lot of weight a few years into our relationship and I dealt with it well enough. It was a real problem for me and did harm our relationship, but it didn't destroy it. Not that I am aware of at least.
I think in my current relationship her physical beauty has been much more of a refuge for me in tough times, it's easy to grab hold of her sex appeal when I find my faith slipping and then pull myself back with raw physical intimacy. Losing that could destroy our relationship but I don't really know. I imagine some day, when she is older and her decaying sex appeal is too far gone, I will know my answer. I hate my shallow aesthetics so I look forward to the day when I am forced to choose between the deprivations of sex and her lost beauty. Or maybe I'll develop GILF fetich in time, it does happen!

AnotherConfusedHubby

I would never leave my W over a physical change. In fact I would make sure she knew every day that despite her injuries she was still beautiful to me and loved very much.

DanF

You left out one option on your poll


NEVER.

CalifGuy

I left behind marriage #1 and the biggest factor for me, no pun intended, was that my wife gained about 80 pounds following the wedding and was 100+ pounds above the weight she was when she was at her best. I feel no remorse over this decision and tried desperately to try to help her lose weight but she would have none of it.

Until one has been with someone who has just given up on their appearance, then one shouldn't really judge too harshly. It really can destroy a relationship when one person just gives up on his/her appearance, entirely.

We have each since re-married and I am happy for her although no longer have any reason to stay in touch given there were no children in the marriage.

Hope1964

How sad for your current wife.

I have never really thought about this question so I am not sure, but since I stayed with him after he cheated on me, I think I would stay with him if he was disfigured. I can't really think of anything that would make me throw him away.

CalifGuy

And how sad for you...I guarantee you that your hubby has cheated on you MULTIPLE times and probably still does so...perhaps you only caught him one time, but it is not the only time he cheated. A stronger woman would not tolerate cheating.