General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
UPDATE - Things just got very confusing, just received a text from the wife saying the following
"Laying in bed, thinking of you. Wish you were here instead of my battery operated friend"
I'm actually wondering if she sent it to the wrong person as it's the first time ever she sends me a "dirty" text.
I replied wish I was there too and a couple of dirty things but still no reply.
I probibly would have made something up and left work at that point.
Lot of things going on here. Everyone else has the infidelity angle covered. If you look at your current relationship, there isn't much of one. You're not in the house together most of the time. There is no bonding going on (Which is what she was doing the first 6 months). Second, She's probably losing a little respect for you:
then I start cleaning, cook dinner, bath the kids, feed them, feed the cat, get the kids to bed. Usually I have it all done by 9pm, I then go on the computer and work(as I also have a software design company) until the wife gets home. When she gets home, I make her some coffee and run her a bath, we talk about her day and then go to bed.
When you get home from work you really should't have to cook or clean much if she's been up since 2pm. I really hope you're not running her bath everyday. If you are I'm hoping you're actually in the bath with her on most occassions. I think the major thing is getting yourselves back on the same work/home schedule. Marriage is tough enough. I've done the overnight thing for periods of our marriage but it's never been a long term thing. Also when doing overnights I looked for a fireman 's schedule where you work 12hr shifts for no longer than 3 days straight and have every other weekend off. That allowed me to have some quality time with the wife. You and Your wife must put the relationship first, everything else behind that including finances. Y'all have a lot going on.
UPDATE - Things just got very confusing, just received a text from the wife saying the following
"Laying in bed, thinking of you. Wish you were here instead of my battery operated friend"
I'm actually wondering if she sent it to the wrong person as it's the first time ever she sends me a "dirty" text.
I replied wish I was there too and a couple of dirty things but still no reply.
Is your nanny cam up and running yet? This situation as you are writing it DOES NOT sounds good, even the fact you are talking about this here means your marriage is definitely not on solid ground. If you find the evidence you need a clear plan and that includes informing her when she betrayed her vow and decided to end the marriage by adultery that she has also lost everything that you provide for her, and she has made the biggest mistake of her life (and of course you will tell her this as you are putting the boxes and suitcases full of her stuff on the front yard).
Like uphill said, I'd find a reason to take off work, if it wasn't to go home and take your W it would have been to go home and take her out of your life.
Is your nanny cam up and running yet? This situation as you are writing it DOES NOT sounds good, even the fact you are talking about this here means your marriage is definitely not on solid ground. If you find the evidence you need a clear plan and that includes informing her when she betrayed her vow and decided to end the marriage by adultery that she has also lost everything that you provide for her, and she has made the biggest mistake of her life (and of course you will tell her this as you are putting the boxes and suitcases full of her stuff on the front yard).
Like uphill said, I'd find a reason to take off work, if it wasn't to go home and take your W it would have been to go home and take her out of your life.
Lon you talk a good talk, but can you walk the walk? it's easy to say get her out your life, pack her suitcase, when it's someone else's life.
Let me get this one out of the way, I'm not an idiot, I have an IQ of 132, I'm not a cuckold H either, but like I said in the first post if she is cheating I won't just end the marriage, I will still try and work things out, because I know that if she has then I probably, somehow, drove her to it. I admit, I'm not the easiest guy to live with at times and regardless of whether she is cheating or not I just want to find out what caused the distance between us, because anything else would just have been a result of that distance.
Obviously the more I know (like the affair) the easier it is to confront her and find out exactly why we have grown apart.
Lot of things going on here. Everyone else has the infidelity angle covered. If you look at your current relationship, there isn't much of one. You're not in the house together most of the time. There is no bonding going on (Which is what she was doing the first 6 months). Second, She's probably losing a little respect for you:
then I start cleaning, cook dinner, bath the kids, feed them, feed the cat, get the kids to bed. Usually I have it all done by 9pm, I then go on the computer and work(as I also have a software design company) until the wife gets home. When she gets home, I make her some coffee and run her a bath, we talk about her day and then go to bed.
When you get home from work you really should't have to cook or clean much if she's been up since 2pm. I really hope you're not running her bath everyday. If you are I'm hoping you're actually in the bath with her on most occassions. I think the major thing is getting yourselves back on the same work/home schedule. Marriage is tough enough. I've done the overnight thing for periods of our marriage but it's never been a long term thing. Also when doing overnights I looked for a fireman 's schedule where you work 12hr shifts for no longer than 3 days straight and have every other weekend off. That allowed me to have some quality time with the wife. You and Your wife must put the relationship first, everything else behind that including finances. Y'all have a lot going on.
I hear you, like I said before, I can now see i'm being too much of a "Nice Guy". And yeah, I do run her bath every night, sometimes even warm her towel for her, and every once in a while make it a bubble bath and scatter some candles and stuff.
I know, I know, I'm a doormat. But she came from an abusive and physically violent relationship before we met, so this was my way of showing her that I love her and that I will only treat her like a princess.
but I ramble on.....
Ps- no I don't join her very often in the bath. But that's my decision cause I prefer showers and on the other hand she hates showers.
Lon you talk a good talk, but can you walk the walk? it's easy to say get her out your life, pack her suitcase, when it's someone else's life.
Let me get this one out of the way, I'm not an idiot, I have an IQ of 132, I'm not a cuckold H either, but like I said in the first post if she is cheating I won't just end the marriage, I will still try and work things out, because I know that if she has then I probably, somehow, drove her to it. I admit, I'm not the easiest guy to live with at times and regardless of whether she is cheating or not I just want to find out what caused the distance between us, because anything else would just have been a result of that distance.
Obviously the more I know (like the affair) the easier it is to confront her and find out exactly why we have grown apart.
Your comment is appreciated though.
Thanks
I'm learning, I wish I walked the walk when the time came, however I did sort of crawl through it, eventually came to my senses and told her "yeah, you need to leave, I can't be in the house with you" I wish I would have done it sooner and with more intensity on dday instead of mulling, crying, pleading - I wish I was able to express all the anger that I (as a complete doormat) was laying at my own feet, wheh it should have been her all along to take the brunt of it. I think if I learned that she was having sex with other men IN MY BED that I would have snapped and went apeshyt on her, but then again who knows how I would have really reacted, usually in the situation I plan in my mind's eye I'm drastically more assertive than the way it really goes down. I wrote my comment to you saying to kick her out of your life should you find the evidence of an affair, because in hindsight I wish someone would have told ME that before I found out and if so I wish I would have listened.
Obviously the more I know (like the affair) the easier it is to confront her and find out exactly why we have grown apart.
You did not drive her to have an affair. If the worst case comes true, it is because of her character, to lie and deceive you having sex with other men while being married to you in your own home, instead of having any integrity or decency and expressing where her needs weren't being met. What is more important for you is not to know why, but how you will go forward, because no matter what her answer is, it will only disappoint you.
Nice that you have the technical know-how to check her system! Not many do. Being an IT professional myself I know that this will catch most if not all of modern communications between her and anyone, except for phone texts but I'm sure you can get in there if you need to.
But there is more than just data mining and monitoring, there are the analog equivalents:
Search through her drawers, under the mattress and look for this battery powered friend of hers for instance, or sexy clothing that is new or that you've never seen and that she doesn't wear for you. Maybe pieces of jewelry that you never bought for her, stashes of cash, all kinds of things.
Just make sure that you put things back EXACTLY the way they were when you started.
Wow...I think that text message was definitely meant for someone else! Sounds to me like she is having an affair...obviously, she still has an appetite for sex...just not with you. I would go nuts if my wife didn't want me anymore and if sex was just a couple times a month and she was wasn't even hungry for me during those two times. It's time to consider moving on.....
Yeah that text, that is your litmus test right there. Do NOT just let it go, ask her about it, tell her you can't wait to fulfill her needs! If she ignores you or blows it off as some kind of "joke" then I think you've got a smoking gun.
UPDATE - Things just got very confusing, just received a text from the wife saying the following
"Laying in bed, thinking of you. Wish you were here instead of my battery operated friend"
I'm actually wondering if she sent it to the wrong person as it's the first time ever she sends me a "dirty" text.
I replied wish I was there too and a couple of dirty things but still no reply.
2 different ways to take that. I've never, ever sent the wrong text out, because you have to atleast halfway spell the name before it autocorrects. And even if it did, she sees your name the whole time as she's typing and is about to send it.
As her not responding, she coulda put the phone down to ... finish herself off. U have access to the cell bills?
Re: Does she want me? 
