I have posted on this before, but it happened yet again and every month. I have an app that tells me when her date is coming.
Her parents are visiting, so I suggested we go out to dinner, all of us. When we got to the restaurant and got seated, she suddenly decides to "take charge" and calls the waitress and says we are ready to order. Then the waitress goes to her and she begins to pick out the dishes (family style). Traditionally, I am the one who handles does this and this is common in Indian families. If she wanted to take charge, then why not go all the way and drive us there and pay the bill also? (we don't have separate accounts, so it wouldn't really matter). The owner knows me, so he came to talk to us and asked if he should get the bill.
Now this may not seem like a big deal but its part of a larger trend of hers to behave in a way that her husband is not good enough and how she is hot property and sometimes how even her friend's husbands are so awesome. She blindly believes what her friends tell her and some of her friends show off about their husbands (common in Indian families). When I bring it up, she absolves herself saying she was naive or was young or was immature. She never gives me the benefit of doubt or let me use those excuses.
I was pissed off and her parents were talking about people I didn't know or care about so I kept myself busy talking to the kids. She kicked me a few times under the table also. Then when we got back home, she came in to pick a fight with me at night. I told her that I didn't feel part of those topics her parents talked about so I talked to the kids. She thought I was angry that she ordered too much (she thinks I am stingy while I consider myself financially savvy which is why we are financially secure despite being single income for so long, and no loans except house paid off 55%). I did not bring up that I was offended by her action to take over the ordering unilaterally. I feel silly saying that and by itself it may not mean much but I feel that she disrespects me a lot even though I put in a lot to get her started in her career and pay for her Masters degree when I wasn't making much. I had confidence in her when even her parents did not.
So she was trying hard to provoke and then even bit my hand and punched me in the back 3 times. I told her to back off because even the slightest thing I do causes her injury and she blames me for it and turns that into "you hit me the other day" forgetting that I was either defending myself or taking evasive action.
Then today she didn't talk to me in the morning and went to work.
This pattern repeats every time she is in PMS. She is due for her periods tomorrow. So my question is what is the best way to handle it? Should I ignore her provocations? Should I have ignored her act to order for the family which I think had some hidden message? Yes, I know there are some other deeper issues that she is unhappy about and so am I.
My question is tactical - how do I respond to her aggressive behavior during her periods or just prior?
Her parents are visiting, so I suggested we go out to dinner, all of us. When we got to the restaurant and got seated, she suddenly decides to "take charge" and calls the waitress and says we are ready to order. Then the waitress goes to her and she begins to pick out the dishes (family style). Traditionally, I am the one who handles does this and this is common in Indian families. If she wanted to take charge, then why not go all the way and drive us there and pay the bill also? (we don't have separate accounts, so it wouldn't really matter). The owner knows me, so he came to talk to us and asked if he should get the bill.
Now this may not seem like a big deal but its part of a larger trend of hers to behave in a way that her husband is not good enough and how she is hot property and sometimes how even her friend's husbands are so awesome. She blindly believes what her friends tell her and some of her friends show off about their husbands (common in Indian families). When I bring it up, she absolves herself saying she was naive or was young or was immature. She never gives me the benefit of doubt or let me use those excuses.
I was pissed off and her parents were talking about people I didn't know or care about so I kept myself busy talking to the kids. She kicked me a few times under the table also. Then when we got back home, she came in to pick a fight with me at night. I told her that I didn't feel part of those topics her parents talked about so I talked to the kids. She thought I was angry that she ordered too much (she thinks I am stingy while I consider myself financially savvy which is why we are financially secure despite being single income for so long, and no loans except house paid off 55%). I did not bring up that I was offended by her action to take over the ordering unilaterally. I feel silly saying that and by itself it may not mean much but I feel that she disrespects me a lot even though I put in a lot to get her started in her career and pay for her Masters degree when I wasn't making much. I had confidence in her when even her parents did not.
So she was trying hard to provoke and then even bit my hand and punched me in the back 3 times. I told her to back off because even the slightest thing I do causes her injury and she blames me for it and turns that into "you hit me the other day" forgetting that I was either defending myself or taking evasive action.
Then today she didn't talk to me in the morning and went to work.
This pattern repeats every time she is in PMS. She is due for her periods tomorrow. So my question is what is the best way to handle it? Should I ignore her provocations? Should I have ignored her act to order for the family which I think had some hidden message? Yes, I know there are some other deeper issues that she is unhappy about and so am I.
My question is tactical - how do I respond to her aggressive behavior during her periods or just prior?