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Old 11-03-2011, 01:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default worried :(

Hi everyone,

I'm 28 years old and single (I did have a long term relationship and we wanted to get married, but we broke up recently). I notice that a lot of my colleagues and friends are married/getting married or are in serious relationships.

Also, I notice most of the men I meet my age are in relationships. The ones that aren't taken are single because they just want to have 'fun' (sleep around) and don't want to commit. This is what worries me too.

So I have some questions, I hope you can help me out, I just wonder if my observations/experiences are out of the ordinary

- what about your male colleagues and male friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them in relationships too or do you know some/plenty who aren't?

-Are they still single because they just want to 'have fun' (sleep around) or did a lot of sleeping around in their 20s? Or didn't they find the right person yet/focused on their career etc?

- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?

- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?

I hope you can help me, I sometimes really feel like an outcast It's like everyone around me got married in their 20's. My worries may sound ridiculous, but it's how I feel at the moment...I'd love to hear people's observations/experiences

Last edited by LibertyBell; 11-03-2011 at 01:05 PM.
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Old 11-03-2011, 01:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

Been married since 25, and you are right, at 37, most of my friends who are single is by choice.

Here's what you got going for you... the law of averages. Go outside right now and shake a tree... and out of that tree dozens upon dozens of women looking for a guy to settle down with in your age range will fall out of said tree. Trust me on this. By 28, most chicks have settled down, matured, and their biological clock is telling them that they should be preggars right now. And what you have going for you is that there are still a ton of guys who just want to hit it and run, and those girls will avoid guys like them and go for you.

Oh and btw, met my wife when i was 23, she 21. We've been married for 12 years. 3 kids. Unfortunately, since i'm black, there are alot more of us who aren't married than other races by this age group.
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Old 11-03-2011, 02:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by LibertyBell View Post
Hi everyone,

I'm 28 years old and single (I did have a long term relationship and we wanted to get married, but we broke up recently). I notice that a lot of my colleagues and friends are married/getting married or are in serious relationships.

Also, I notice most of the men I meet my age are in relationships. The ones that aren't taken are single because they just want to have 'fun' (sleep around) and don't want to commit. This is what worries me too.

So I have some questions, I hope you can help me out, I just wonder if my observations/experiences are out of the ordinary

- what about your male colleagues and male friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them in relationships too or do you know some/plenty who aren't?

-Are they still single because they just want to 'have fun' (sleep around) or did a lot of sleeping around in their 20s? Or didn't they find the right person yet/focused on their career etc?

- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?

- at what age did you meet your partner (how old was your partner when you met?) and marry?

I hope you can help me, I sometimes really feel like an outcast It's like everyone around me got married in their 20's. My worries may sound ridiculous, but it's how I feel at the moment...I'd love to hear people's observations/experiences
1 &2 . Plenty who aren't... depends what type of guy you want many of my college buddies are in no serious relationship and they are in their 30's and 40's... when they were in their 20's same thing. They are good guys just never found the right girl. I think if your are decently pretty you should be able to find a guy like them especially if you are the aggressor.

3. I married at 28 (wife 27) been married for 18 years happy with a two year rough period just ending..

4. Met my wife when I was 24. Lived with her three years prior to marriage.

I don't know the dating scene today as I'm in my 40's however I doubt it's changed that much. Might just pick a guy out of a crowd at a cafe that's what my wife did (Her friends knew me and told me she wanted to meet me). Back then I was shy with girls.
I struck the lottery that day! My wife is fantastic and gets more beautiful everyday . Two GREAT kids.

Last edited by Trying2figureitout; 11-03-2011 at 02:23 PM.
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Old 11-03-2011, 04:50 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

Being single at 28, I don't think is nearly that bad. I have known many people who were single well into their 30's.

I have one brother that got married at 32 for first time. My other brother got married originally at 24 (he says he was too young) and then got married to his second wife at 35. They are both happily married still into their 40's.

I meet and moved in with my husband at 19 and we married at 21. I would advise many that this is too young although we still get along good ... most years. -- I am currently 37.

I have lived overseas for 12 years and here it isn't as common to marry as young as in the USA, so maybe my perspective is a little different. However I still think don't stress over it, as long as you are active and open to meeting new people, you have a chance of meeting a potential spouse.
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

thanks for your replies guys

expatforlife, the people who were single well into their 30s, why were they? did they focus on their careers etc or did they just want to have fun in their 20s as in sleep with many women etc? did they have serious relationships but broke up?
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:21 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

Ihave two frineds (guys) that are in their mid 40's and have never been married. They're not gay BTW. Neither one is in any hurry to get married.

I had my first kid when I was 31 and had my third kid when I was 37. Most of my friends are about my age and have kids close to the same age as mine.
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Old 11-03-2011, 05:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

I met my wife at 17, we dated long distance for seven years, lived together one and got married when I was 25, she was 23. Two kids now and very happy. My brother on the other hand didn't marry until he was 28. He wasn't focused on career or just wanting to have fun he just hadn't met the right girl. I think they dated one year, were engaged one year and then married so they met when he was 26 if I'm right.

A lot if it depends on where you are - do you live in a "target rich environment" so to speak. If you lived in my town you'd have a really hard time finding someone, if you live in Manhattan you'd be right in the middle of the action.
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:19 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

Most of my friends and I met and married our husbands when we were in our early to mid- 30's. There were a couple of my friends who had finished with their college graduation "starter marriages" and remarried in their 30's and have gone on to be much happier than they'd been before. There were a few of us too that had been in longer term relationships that didn't work out. I don't think it was all one way or another.

I would say that for most of us, the age we married at had less to do with the guys we met and more to do with where we were in life in general. I mean, we all pretty much always dated and would certainly have loved to have found Mr. Right--but we weren't exactly panting for a ring. We were figuring out where we wanted to live, what we wanted to do, going to graduate school and getting the certifications and licenses to make all that happen. We were pretty happy with our lives and getting ourselves established and it seems to me that once we managed that for the most part, it wasn't too long before we all started meeting the guys that we ended up marrying.

I would guess that if most of your friends are in serious relationships, that's most likely because you were in one yourself until recently. It's probably who you gravitated to at that time. And if you're mostly meeting the single guys that are just up for "fun", then I'm wondering where and how you're meeting them? That's half the battle there. I'd be stalking all your friends for setups with their single brothers, buddies, cubicle farm mates, etc. that they think might have something in common with you. Or looking for social groups or volunteering opportunities where common interests might come into play instead of places where the expectation may lean more toward "hook-ups".

Either that or you might take a look at your dating finesse. I'm not suggesting anything about you personally, just throwing an idea out there--but sometimes playing the "player card" can be an instant version of not calling. Making themselves unattractive and taking themselves out of the pool, as it were...

I've always had a theory too that there are a couple of stages in life where people tend to get married en masse. Early on--right out of school and then it seems like you see another matrimonial "push" in the early - mid 30's. Either 2nd marriages or more commonly to me, marriages once people have established themselves a bit more. I'm still finding out how successful those are though
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Old 11-03-2011, 06:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

Most of the guys I know are married or in a serious relationship. One is divorced with a kid but has a girlfriend now.

Only single guy I know really is my cousin and he is 21 and not the sleep around type. But his girlfriend was hence why he is singe now.

My other cousin is in her early 30s and broke up with her bf of 4yrs and they were talking marriage that was 2 years ago. She has yet to find someone else. Most guys she meets have an x with a kid and she isn't sure that's what she wants to get involved with. But I told her at this age alot of people maybe be divorced or coming out of a relationship and have a kid or 2.not saying its impossible but probably harder to find someone.

I met my husband at 16yrs old, he was 18. We had our daughter when i was 24 and married at 26/28
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Old 11-04-2011, 07:53 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

I think you have gotten some really good replies.
In those, you see that there are many factors. Where you live, where you are meeting people, and who you are hanging out with. Switching it up might help you meet some new people.

As far as your question directed at me.

As I got married so young, we don't (didn't) hang around with a lot of players. Both of us preferred not to have temptation hanging around. However to further my examples:

My brother who got married at 32, was always looking for the one. He was the one who had the same high school sweetheart all 4 years of school. He had several serious relationships after however nothing that made his heart stop I guess.

Another example of a guy I know. He is really sweet average looking Joe. He wanted a girl and family very much. He is the type of guy that would treat her like a queen. He thought his career choice was killing all his chances. He is a butcher. Makes a good enough living to support a family, bought himself a house but just couldn't get a girl past the what do you do for a living it seemed. He finally found a girl in his mid-late 30's. She was 33 when they started dating and never married either.

My husbands best friend got his PhD, started his career, saved some money before trying to find Ms. Right. He wasn't a player, he wanted to get his life and career on track before settling and starting a family. He dated very little during school, he really was focused on his studies.

None of my examples were guys that went out to bars or partied that much. My brother actually goes to church every week and has since his early 20's.
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Old 11-04-2011, 03:07 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

thanks everyone for your good replies
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Old 11-04-2011, 03:12 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

I wasn't married until 33. I figured if I waited until I KNEW I found the one, I could skip the first marriage I thought I'd be married around 50...lol...but if it took that long, then so be it. I had a child at 23 with a guy who was a great dad, but horrible partner. From 24 to 31 (when I met DH) I just enjoyed being me. I dated, did my artwork, had my career, hung out when I dind't have my child...it was a good time.

My male colleagues are a mixed bag. Some married, some single, some dating, some gay.

You really have no reason to worry right now. You don't need to get married just because everyone else is. Do you have an active social life? A hobby where you can meet people? If not, maybe that's a start...that way you're doing something you like with the possibility of meeting someone.

It's so hard to meet people! (I married my mechanic LOL) I have some friends in their mid/late 30s who cannot find anyone worth dating because they don't do the bar/club scene.

I understand where you are, but I'm pretty sure it will be ok
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Old 11-04-2011, 03:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

My aunt recently got married at her 60th birthday party, to a 58-year-old wonderful, funny, smart man. My aunt is the love of his life and the first and only woman he is intended to ever marry.

My grandfather, after his wife's death, found new love at the age of 75. For the next 2 years, until his own untimely death, they were one of the happiest couples I have ever seen.

Just trying to say, even though the averages weren't on your side, there's no reason to lose hope.

Live your life to please yourself, expressing yourself and your creativity in the ways most rewarding to you, doing the things you enjoy and (assuming your interests include something else than sitting at home alone) you will meet many interesting, like-minded people.

I wouldn't recommend anyone to go looking for love from a nightclub, even though I know couples who met that way. In fact, I wouldn't recommend looking for love at all. Live your life to the fullest and, when you least expect it, it will find you.


Edit:
Oh, but to really answer to you question, yes, i do know at least a few couples who have met between the age of 29-36 and are thriving after years or even decades of being married. As I meant to say with my examples above, I don't think the age has much to do with how happy you can be in a relationship.

Last edited by tiredandout; 11-04-2011 at 03:35 PM.
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Old 11-04-2011, 03:57 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

-what about your male colleagues and male friends in their late 20's/early 30's? Are most of them in relationships too or do you know some/plenty who aren't?

It's about half and half, but the ones who are single all want to be in relationships. I don't know any guys in my age group (I'm 30) who WANT to be single.

-Are they still single because they just want to 'have fun' (sleep around) or did a lot of sleeping around in their 20s? Or didn't they find the right person yet/focused on their career etc?

I think it's because they just haven't found the right person yet. It's definitely not a sleeping around thing. None of my single guy friends are getting laid at all!

- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?

I met my husband just before I turned 29. We fell in love instantly and got married only a few months later. He was 31. Now we're 30 & 33. It happened when I LEAST expected it and it happened in a FLASH.
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Old 11-04-2011, 04:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: worried :(

- do you know people who met their partner in their late 20's/early 30's and are happily married now?

Most of my friends, and myself.
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