still unsure

stillunsure · 12-27-2008, 04:49 PM

well my husband is out of the country(where he is from) right now working for some much needed extra money. the plan was for him to stay 3 weeks. well 3 weeks has turned into over 40 days and now he says he wont be back until valentines. his mother offered to buy me a plane ticket to come visit them but i decieded not to go because that money may be needed for something else. bills are due and i couldnt just leave without paying them. i thought it would be better if i stayed and worked during the holidays. i know its not all his fault because the job he thought was a sure thing didnt turn out in his favor. but to me its still not fair. i think he even plans to go back after valentines. in the meantime, he hasnt been sending the money that we both thought he would be making. the money he has sent is about the same as he would have made here if not less. i guess its going to pick up soon but so far it hasnt been much. in the meantime i miss him very much and need him for emotional support here. what good is it for him to be there if hes not doing what he set out to do?it kinda makes me wonder because last summer i found out he was flirting, calling and texting other women,and talking with them in a vulgar manner. we have moved on since then. but after counseling and everything im still somewhat struggleing with trusting him. and not just with women, trusting him period, to do what he says hes going to do. im just scared and dont know what to do. any advice?

oties101 · 12-27-2008, 08:26 PM

Wow. You're coping with this better than I would, especially if he's not doing what the two of you thought he would while gone. It's completely unfair for him to be gone for three months when that wasn't the plan in the first place, especially when he isn't making any more money. He doesn't seem to be thinking much about your feelings, and I would suggest having a long discussion about what's going on with him. Also, I see no fault in you having a difficult time trusting him, when someone says one thing and does something completely different, how could you place any trust in that person?

stillunsure · 12-29-2008, 08:25 PM

well i took your advice and talked with my husband. he tried to tell me that i misundrestood the plan. it was to just bring back the money all along, and only send enough money for the bills he usually pays. thats not true cause i talked with him the other day and he said he was going to send moneythat i told him was needed, but "things" keep coming up with his work. like the weather or soemthing like that. (he works consturction) he also told me he opened up his bank account there, and thats where he is saving his money. i dont know if he did this for convienence or if he had an alternative motive for me not to see exactly how much he was making. he knows i have access to his account here. ive been looking at it and i see no deposits by him to his account here. which goes back to those trust issues again. can i really trust that he is doing the right thing. and will bring back money in feb. like he said?

StrongEnough · 12-30-2008, 09:44 AM

Can he send you statements or will he allow you to access his new bank account?

stillunsure · 12-30-2008, 11:01 AM

Well he will probably give me a hard time, but i will ask him.

stillunsure · 12-31-2008, 07:11 PM

well i asked him about the account. he says i can see it, but he cant give me the account numbers over the computer. so i told him i would call him to get them. trouble is, his phone is turned off (not acceptin g calls) and i will have to catch him at a different number. he did not volunteer to call me. i have a strange feeling that the amount he has told me he saved is not true. and hes probably going to try to buy time to change it, like i cant just look at the dates and see when he depoisted it or withdrew it ......duh...he must really think im stupid.

stillunsure · 01-03-2009, 03:21 PM

well i called my husband from a a different number and reached him. he gave me the account numbers but told me he didnt know how much money was in there because he had to spend some of it. well i looked at the account.there were very few deposits. and now its almost empty. so obviously he lied to me about how much he had saved. apparantly work is not doing well at all, worse than i thought. i guess he was to afraid to just come right out and tell
me that. so hes still there waiting to start another job on monday.
im very frustrated and trying to keep the faith but its so hard....any suggestions?