General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I have a very high sex drive for a woman. I could probably have sex 3+ times per day. I am constantly fighting to seduce my husband, but lately I have grown tired of it. The longer I go without sex, the less I want it.
That being said, I have walked into the bedroom (a half hour after *****ing about not having sex) after a shower and caught my husband in the act of masturbating to porn. I have woken up, after sleeping alone for half the night to find him passed out on the couch with a roll of TP and a wad of his stuff in a tissue, while I went to bed lonely and wanting some love.
We have a daughter who is very young and active, and we do not get a whole lot of opportunity to be intimate. We currently have sex 1-2 x a week because in between my daughter and my husband's lower drive (which is even lower after he watches porn), there isn't much more opportunity. I am left feeling lonely and unsatisfied sexually.
My husband knows how I feel, and I despise porn. If I see it, I get very angry. I have deleted it out of our computers, and I do get pissed off when I find evidence that my husband has been using it. No, I don't threaten to leave him but it just all the more sinks in. And really gets me ANGRY when I am begging for more sexual attention and then catch him sneaking off somewhere to watch other women.
Even if my husband satisfied me 100% of the time, I would still be hurt by porn. I would have a problem with my husband giving something the sexual attention that I feel only belongs between a husband and a wife. I feel all of my husband's sexual attention should be towards me, and should never go beyond our marriage, or be put towards any other woman/even if she is on the TV.
I have a very high sex drive for a woman. I could probably have sex 3+ times per day. I am constantly fighting to seduce my husband, but lately I have grown tired of it. The longer I go without sex, the less I want it.
That being said, I have walked into the bedroom (a half hour after *****ing about not having sex) after a shower and caught my husband in the act of masturbating to porn. I have woken up, after sleeping alone for half the night to find him passed out on the couch with a roll of TP and a wad of his stuff in a tissue, while I went to bed lonely and wanting some love.
We have a daughter who is very young and active, and we do not get a whole lot of opportunity to be intimate. We currently have sex 1-2 x a week because in between my daughter and my husband's lower drive (which is even lower after he watches porn), there isn't much more opportunity. I am left feeling lonely and unsatisfied sexually.
My husband knows how I feel, and I despise porn. If I see it, I get very angry. I have deleted it out of our computers, and I do get pissed off when I find evidence that my husband has been using it. No, I don't threaten to leave him but it just all the more sinks in. And really gets me ANGRY when I am begging for more sexual attention and then catch him sneaking off somewhere to watch other women.
Even if my husband satisfied me 100% of the time, I would still be hurt by porn. I would have a problem with my husband giving something the sexual attention that I feel only belongs between a husband and a wife. I feel all of my husband's sexual attention should be towards me, and should never go beyond our marriage, or be put towards any other woman/even if she is on the TV.
I have never actually caught my husband in the act. God knows what would happen if i ever did... I do know that i would more then likely smash his computer.
I tend to look up porn when my wife is in silent treatment mode and when I'm horny. It annoys her to no end as her little "punishments" ain't working as I'm happily batting away choking my chicken in my man-cave heh
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I could probably have sex 3+ times per day
Just like my wife, except the difference was -> she never let me say no. Once those legs got wrapped around me there's only 2 ways out; her way, or hurting her physically. The latter I just can't do. Thankfully those times are past.
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I have never actually caught my husband in the act. God knows what would happen if i ever did... I do know that i would more then likely smash his computer.
Heh the missus caught me watching porn during one of our big fights, I left the door open. She just saw me, walked past, so I kept going heh... until she came back for a full assault.
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Even if my husband satisfied me 100% of the time, I would still be hurt by porn. I would have a problem with my husband giving something the sexual attention that I feel only belongs between a husband and a wife. I feel all of my husband's sexual attention should be towards me, and should never go beyond our marriage, or be put towards any other woman/even if she is on the TV.
Originally Posted by mr.rightaway
Actually, it would be interesting to find out how the younger generation of women view porn versus women who are older, due to the fact that up-and-coming women have grown up with the availability of porn, for both their man and themselves, their whole lives. Porn has been around for some time but nowhere close to what it is available today. The "instantaneousness" of porn is something older women never had to deal with in such force and, as has been stated in other threads, porn distorts the female's power-balance in the sexual arena, which I suspect that is the main sticking point.
I watched a documentary on teen sexuality a little while ago - I was happy to see that in general the younger folk of today seemed to be better informed about sex and their sexuality than teens from my era.
I was horrified however when the subject of porn came up - it was a huge eye-opener. Having had a teen daughter of my own I was already aware of some of the less than positive effects porn has had on her and her friends.
The interviewer showed photos of breasts to both groups of teens separately (males/females) and asked them to pick out the ones they thought were the nicest.....some were natural breasts, others were implanted. Both groups picked the the bigger enhanced breasts as being the nicest. Both groups said they didn't like the natural breasts as much because they were a little droopy (harldy!) and not so "perfect" looking. The girls added to that by saying they picked the bigger breasts - because they are what boys want.
Then the interviewer showed each group photos of vulvas - some shaved, some trimmed and some natural. One of the boys was almost physically sick at the sight of the natural vulva - he couldn't look at it. It was "un-natural" and dirty looking with all that hair there....he had seen many vulvas (thank you internet) but never seen a natural one before.
All the boys didn't like the "bits" that were sticking out....it looks dirty - they all prefered to look at fully shaven "clean" looking ones....like in the magazines, where there are no flaps/lips showing and the skin was an even tone.
None of the girls liked any of the photos....the girls that had actually looked at their own vulvas at some point said they didn't like the look of their own - they lookded dirty and different from the ones in the magazines.
All of the girls said they also preferred the look of the digitally enhanced vulval photos - because it's what boys like and what they are used to looking at. None of the girls wanted to look different to what was popular.
I think all but one girl said they would consider labiaplasty to make themselves look more normal. All of them said they would have breasts implants put in.
The above is not so much a show of what younger women think about porn...but it does show the heightened affect that the wide accessability of porn is having on how they view themselves and how the boys expect them to be.
My daughter is now 22 - she has a healthy self esteem, a high regard of her own body and an open mind toward her own sexuality. She is anti-porn - not because she is insecure about how she looks or who she is, but because she doesn't buy into the socialised insecurity that so many young woman (and men) face.
I watched a documentary on teen sexuality a little while ago - I was happy to see that in general the younger folk of today seemed to be better informed about sex and their sexuality than teens from my era.
I was horrified however when the subject of porn came up - it was a huge eye-opener. Having had a teen daughter of my own I was already aware of some of the less than positive effects porn has had on her and her friends.
The interviewer showed photos of breasts to both groups of teens separately (males/females) and asked them to pick out the ones they thought were the nicest.....some were natural breasts, others were implanted. Both groups picked the the bigger enhanced breasts as being the nicest. Both groups said they didn't like the natural breasts as much because they were a little droopy (harldy!) and not so "perfect" looking. The girls added to that by saying they picked the bigger breasts - because they are what boys want.
Then the interviewer showed each group photos of vulvas - some shaved, some trimmed and some natural. One of the boys was almost physically sick at the sight of the natural vulva - he couldn't look at it. It was "un-natural" and dirty looking with all that hair there....he had seen many vulvas (thank you internet) but never seen a natural one before.
All the boys didn't like the "bits" that were sticking out....it looks dirty - they all prefered to look at fully shaven "clean" looking ones....like in the magazines, where there are no flaps/lips showing and the skin was an even tone.
None of the girls liked any of the photos....the girls that had actually looked at their own vulvas at some point said they didn't like the look of their own - they lookded dirty and different from the ones in the magazines.
All of the girls said they also preferred the look of the digitally enhanced vulval photos - because it's what boys like and what they are used to looking at. None of the girls wanted to look different to what was popular.
I think all but one girl said they would consider labiaplasty to make themselves look more normal. All of them said they would have breasts implants put in.
The above is not so much a show of what younger women think about porn...but it does show the heightened affect that the wide accessability of porn is having on how they view themselves and how the boys expect them to be.
My daughter is now 22 - she has a healthy self esteem, a high regard of her own body and an open mind toward her own sexuality. She is anti-porn - not because she is insecure about how she looks or who she is, but because she doesn't buy into the socialised insecurity that so many young woman (and men) face.
It is sad that those teens hate their own bodies because it can't compare to those they see on TV and they feel that that is what all the boys like.
I have a daughter and i am afraid of her growing up in a world where they feel they have to have huge big boobs to attract men because that is what they think men likes due to porn and such. Ofcorse i am also worried about my 2 boys growing up feeling that their package can't compare to those you see in porn as well.
I have a daughter and i am afraid of her growing up in a world where they feel they have to have huge big boobs to attract men because that is what they think men likes due to porn and such. Ofcorse i am also worried about my 2 boys growing up feeling that their package can't compare to those you see in porn as well.
I find it totally silly to compare any of those things, just keep the pounds off, dress nicely, braces are a plus (wish I got them when I was younger- I am dishing out the $$ for my own children!) but all this "sexual" cosmetic BS, I have NEVER been influenced by the media /Hollywood /Porn /anything to dress/ alter my body like any of those women. Nor will my daughter, Natural is best, it is infact the most beautiful -to those who care about the REAL you. Put on a little make up, nothing else is even necessary, unless you WANT to attract the "users" who look only to the outside appearance.
I just got done reading a book about Insecurities- it was a Christian book that someone recommended and I was just curious. I think we ALL have them in some form or another, but the parts on "looks" attraction ... bingo, anyone who feels they have to IMPRESS and BE a certain something -have a certain Breast size, dress a certain way for someone else is ....this is fueled by Insecurity, it is sure fire sign. Don't allow our children to EVER think like that. That will be stomped at my house I can tell you . We need to be happy with what we are, what God bestowed upon us at birth, being the Best we can be, so we can look ourselves in the mirror every day and attract the "good" men & women to us. http://www.amazon.com/So-Long-Insecu.../dp/1414334729
Nothing else is ever required, if some man is not happy with that, hell -he is no da** good anyway. I would not want to marry some man who desired my breast size be a Cup D , those jugs would really get in the way of my life & getting things done! They look so unnatural also. Many good men do not even like fake boobs, my husband is one of them, finds them a real turn off.
I would not want to marry some man who desired my breast size be a Cup D , those jugs would really get in the way of my life & getting things done! .
Yes big boobs do get in the way, all the time... I hate mine to be honest. They cause back problem for me... damn things... i want to get them reduced...
I'm glad to hear that, CandieGirl. From that thread a few years ago, it definitely seemed like the issue was more about your H prioritizing the porn over you, rather than the porn itself. I'm glad you guys are working constructively on the issue. Hope you guys reach that balance soon, and that it works for both of you. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm not sure we ever will! He insists on a password protected computer (he doesn't know the code) and I feel like a babysitter. I suggested ejoying together, he got all weird. The development for us was his telling me about being caught by his mother decades ago...I don't know, it's all so ridiculous at times, especially our situation.
I'm not sure we ever will! He insists on a password protected computer (he doesn't know the code) and I feel like a babysitter. I suggested ejoying together, he got all weird. The development for us was his telling me about being caught by his mother decades ago...I don't know, it's all so ridiculous at times, especially our situation.
The above being said...he was the one who claimed a porn 'addiction' and he was the one who 'had to stop'. Hence the PW. Sigh.
My husband choosing porn over me is what brought me to TAM. My husband and I were having problems that we're both to blame for, but one problem that wouldn't go away was him replacing me with porn.
I wanted sex a lot and my once high drive husband, rarely wanted sex with me. When I initiated I got turned down. I knew something was up so I checked his computer and, sure enough, as soon as I'd leave the house he jumped on porn. The 4 nights a week when he was home and I was working, he was always on porn. On my nights off he was always "too tired". Sex was reduced to him waking me up Saturday morning by pulling my underwear down and sticking it in me. No kisses, caressing or foreplay of any type. He'd be done before I knew it and I'd be left frustrated again.
I wasn't anti-porn, I had a problem with being replaced with fantasies on a computer screen. I couldn't figure out why he didn't want me and wasn't sure if this was normal. TAM showed me that even men believe porn is a problem when the wife is neglected. Great, I wasn't being unreasonable!
Finally I told him that I was doing a lot to change my bad behavior that hurt our relationship, he needed to do the same. I let him know that I didn't have a problem with him viewing porn, I didn't care about the women he was looking at, and it had nothing to do with insecurity about my body. As a matter of fact it had to do with my self confidence and knowing that I deserved better than playing second fiddle to a box of fantasies.
Thankfully I got through to him. He let me know he wasn't going to never look at porn again. If I expected that, he would just go behind my back and do it. I told him I didn't expect him to totally give up porn, just do it in moderation. I'm happy to say that he is now satisfying me again. He is enthusiastic again about having sex with me and is back to being the great, considerate lover he used to be.
I know he still goes on porn once in a while, but I don't feel a need to check anymore because it no longer interferes with our marriage.
You're both willing to work together on it, though, and that's a big step in the right direction. I know that feeling like a babysitter isn't ideal, but, to help cut the length of time you spend policing his computer use (at his request), have you considered a form of parental control software instead of a password? Some can be programmed to block certain sites, only allow certain sites, close internet access after certain time intervals, etc. I believe that some may already even be programmed with a list of known porn sites to block access with a minimum of fuss.
And, reading your quote of my post, I noticed I wrote "...a few years ago" instead of weeks. Wow...major time difference there. Posted via Mobile Device
You're both willing to work together on it, though, and that's a big step in the right direction. I know that feeling like a babysitter isn't ideal, but, to help cut the length of time you spend policing his computer use (at his request), have you considered a form of parental control software instead of a password? Some can be programmed to block certain sites, only allow certain sites, close internet access after certain time intervals, etc. I believe that some may already even be programmed with a list of known porn sites to block access with a minimum of fuss.
And, reading your quote of my post, I noticed I wrote "...a few years ago" instead of weeks. Wow...major time difference there. Posted via Mobile Device
I figured you meant weeks...we had a breakthrough just after the last porn thread I participated in...turns out he is extremely ashamed of it (and pretty much all things sexual, I've learned).
I could do that I suppose (parental controls), I've seen them on my laptop...our sex life is still almost non-existent, certainly not normal, but I can't blame porn this time. Now it's his work! I swear, anything to avoid doing it with me! Hhhhhh!!!
I figured you meant weeks...we had a breakthrough just after the last porn thread I participated in...turns out he is extremely ashamed of it (and pretty much all things sexual, I've learned).
That was the impression I got in that other thread. I imagine it created a sort of self-perpetuating cycle, as well. To put it the way i read the issue, he enjoyed it, but not being a very sexual person, didn't like that he enjoyed it. So, he hid it, helping widen the rift that was forming. Lather, rinse, repeat. Not a good situation, to be sure.
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I could do that I suppose (parental controls), I've seen them on my laptop...our sex life is still almost non-existent, certainly not normal, but I can't blame porn this time. Now it's his work! I swear, anything to avoid doing it with me! Hhhhhh!!!
Yikes. I just can't fathom being that repressed (for want of a better term). Do either of you have any idea where his views of sexuality come from? Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal??? 
