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Old 11-09-2011, 08:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

For my H, no, the pop-up ads didn't get him anywhere except when he entered his email address and he got nothing but spam from those, but it lead to his itch for real attention from strange women (i.e. craigslist casual ads). But no, I technically not have a problem with JUST porn, if it could stop at that for my H. I'm sorry for your cunnilinquist issue, my H is the same way, he just loves doing that too and he will bring me to orgasm once and generally that's all I can take that way ~ it's just so intense for me and right after it's really sensitive, there's a certain window of opportunity I've mastered through masturbation to reach multiple orgasms, and we've tried to replicate that through oral... We're still a work in progress ourselves So good luck!
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:48 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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I'm not sure about this. If my H had been upfront about his porn use, instead of sneaking/lying we might have had a rocking great time in bed instead of 3 months of MC.

The vicious cycle is really the wives thinking that if he's lying about this...then what else?

My H and many others I'm sure, had this idea that it would be better to keep these types of things from me than to upset me with the truth. Big mistake on his part!
Someone taught him to do that.

I`d wager there was some woman somewhere demeaning or humiliating him for his porn use somewhere in his past.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:00 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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It only became a problem for me when the stbxh was so addicted to porn and tried to re-inact it in the bedroom by smacking me, pulling my hair, trying to make me stick my tongue up his hairy a-hole...f'd up sh*t like that. The sex became very abusive
That is just sick.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:01 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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Someone taught him to do that.

I`d wager there was some woman somewhere demeaning or humiliating him for his porn use somewhere in his past.
Ya, you're right, it was his dead mother, and it was over 30 years ago when she found dirty mags under his bed. Pity I have to pay the price for that, isn't it?
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:06 AM   #20 (permalink)
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That is just sick.
And he wonders why I never wanted to have sex with him. I've snuck a peek at some of the sh*t he watches and it seriously borders on rape/snuff
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:07 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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While I am still fortunate enough to have more sex with my DW, despite an imperfect marriage, than I masturbate to porn, I don't see what the big deal is about porn and why it should upset my DW or any other married women out there providing there is still regular intimacy in the marriage.

My #1 choice is ALWAYS to have sex with my wife but if we don't have sex, well, then why shouldn't I take matters into my own hands and that way I can let her sleep rather than expecting her to meet my needs which only leads to drama if she is too tired or not in the mood.

At least in my case, I can say that my DW knew that I occasionally watched internet porn when we first got together and we have even watched it together on occasion, although it does little for us as a couple.

I don't own a single porn magazine, not even a Playboy (although I have been to a couple Playboy Mansion parties during our marriage, solo, for events I covered as part of the media) and I don't spend a penny on any subscriptions to porn sites. But, there are a couple free sites out there that give anyone as much cannon fodder as they'd ever require and I am not opposed to logging in a couple times a week to handle my business.

Yet, even if my DW was not planning on having intimacy with me, then she gets somewhat upset...not to the degree that many wives on here seem to get with their husbands, more annoyed, I guess, but I am all hers when she can keep up.

If I could not keep up with my DW's sex drive, I seriously doubt that I would be upset if she masturbated, even if it was to porn. I believe I have a duty to sexually satisfy her and, likewise, she has the same duty and when she does not keep up, well, then, what is wrong with a little stress relief?
First of all....porn and masturbating are two different things. A lot of women I know (myself included) are anti-porn but pro- masturbation.

There are many reasons why women (and men) are against porn - you've probably read most of them here and all of them are valid, whether anyone else agrees with them or not.

I agree with wifeofhusband that a lot of the time it's the lies & deception behind a partner hiding their porn use that causes so much angst. The lies and sneaking around are more often than not, not the whole issue....but they certainly compound it all.

I do not for one nano-second agree with tacoma, that's it's a woman's "irrational emotional" reaction that directly causes their partner to lie about porn use. It's the partner's fear of a less than agreeable reaction that causes them to lie about it.

It's so cowardly to blame a woman because you don't have the balls to be honest and face the consequences that go with it.

I was thinking about this whole thing today....how some men always use "men are visual, we need to look at porn - it's in our manly nature" thing. And it got me thinking about why so many women appear to lose interest in sex with their partners - perhaps women have inate caveman style womanly urges as well.

Back in the day women would choose the strongest most manly male to mate with so that she would be assured of robust offspring. Perhaps after a while her inner cavewoman recognises that he partner is not that at all and she loses interest.

I don't know - it could be true
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:12 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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So what you're saying is...you HAVE to LIE and HIDE your porn because I can't have a rational reaction to it without my emotions getting in the way?
No actually I don`t hide my porn use.
My wife is aware and usually we partake together but I had to come to a point due to previous relationships where I decided I simply wouldn`t deal with a womans hang up about it.
I once had a newish girlfriend give me **** about my roommates Penthouse collection.
I showed her the door.

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So you are judge and jury based on your own perceptions about what my "behavior" might be, versus actual fact that you might see a positive response if you actually TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT IT.
Your off base and more than a little confrontational about it.
You`re actually proving my point.

Thank you.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:13 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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It only became a problem for me when the stbxh was so addicted to porn and tried to re-inact it in the bedroom by smacking me, pulling my hair, trying to make me stick my tongue up his hairy a-hole...f'd up sh*t like that. The sex became very abusive
Yes, this is a problem as with anything else becoming obsessed is always going to cause trouble.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:15 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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I do not for one nano-second agree with tacoma, that's it's a woman's "irrational emotional" reaction that directly causes their partner to lie about porn use. It's the partner's fear of a less than agreeable reaction that causes them to lie about it.
Then you do agree with me because that is exactly what I said.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:22 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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I don't know of any guy that never watch porn. .
Let me introduce myself, then! Pleased to meet you. Card carrying member of the 'men who do not watch porn' guild. For those who are interested in joining, first google the 'men who get laid too often for porn' guild, then click on the subheading. [Disclaimer: I'm only joking here!!]

Seriously, any thought of possibly entertaining myself with porn ended when I rushed my wife to the ER from complications of bulemia, just after we married, because she hated her imperfect body. For me, it all comes down to whether or not the topic drives insecurity in a wife who is otherwise incredibly considerate when it comes to our sexual needs.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:25 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

So men get to lie about these things because, once, at some point in their lives, some female gave them a hard time and 'taught' them to lie about it. Move on and stop looking for a free pass on this. If you are open with your SO about porn, good for you. If you're a lying pu$$y who can't or won't tell the truth, then you deserve all the sh!t you get.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:33 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Then you do agree with me because that is exactly what I said.
No I don't agree with what you wrote. You were talking about a woman's "irrational emotional reaction" - which is not what I said at all.

I agree that men will lie to thier partner about their porn use because they don't want to face the reaction that may come if they are honest about it. Fear of a percieved reaction is the reason behind most lies in all humans.

His choosing to lie about it is all about his lack of courage in facing the consequences....it's easier to ask forgiveness than it is permission.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:01 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

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I don't see what the big deal is about porn and why it should upset my DW or any other married women out there providing there is still regular intimacy in the marriage.

I know what you mean. I wonder too, what is such a big deal for some people to feel they even need it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:09 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

I am coming from a perspective where Porn was NEVER used over me, but still , in my early conservative "good girl" years, I would get upset at him looking at PlayBoy bunnies before work and catch him from time to time. I would occasionally look on his computer & find files, delete them. He never got mad at me, but I shamed him. He however never really felt too guilty cause he KNEW what I meant to him. Looking back, this is rather humorous, but the very 1st computer we got, the next day he headed to work & here My desktop was taken over with naked beauties popping up, boy was I livid ! More so that I had to call Dell & I told them exactly what my husband was up too, the Rep just

But really.... I could not ask for a more wonderful husband, I was not giving him enough sex back then--and I learned later, he still didn't masterbate to it-while married, he FELT that was a form of cheating (his words) not the looking but the jacking off to it. Do I agree with him -not really! I have masterbated to some hot actor / rock star while married ! I was worse than him! He was shocked I did - and I was shocked he didn't ! We never talked openly about sex till a few years ago, rediculous as it was.

But really - I was UNeducated about men, how terribly visual they are, the effects of testosterone on thier BRAINS. In the last few years, I have gained a world of knowledge in these areas, I seeked it out, read many books on hormones & sex - plus experienced my own LUST for porn.

I believe the majority of men would NOT hide or sneak ---IF their wives would not RE-ACT as they so often do, if they were more embracing of the male Psyche & to not take these things like an avalanche of insecurty that their men are in love with these paper babes or web women on a screen.

Plus... Men are conditioned from early on to NEVER discuss this stuff openly with women...think about this.... Many of us grow up in the church -are taught it would be better to pluck our eyes out than be sent to hell over a little LUST. Then they are shamed mercilessly by their mothers-if caught looking at a magazine or internet page.

This one friend of ours told us -his Mom caught him as a teen & accually said to him..."Do you think of ME when you look at that?" Talk about embarrassment. So the hiding begins. They learn early on -these things can only be discussed with other "dog minded " men. .... ONLY they understand -this raging battle within. Each man has his own battle to not take it TOO far, to continue to respect his woman, but that allure for a little visual variety will always be with him. Reining it in some -yes, they should strive for that, addictions are not pretty, they are destructive, some can NOT handle it , but many men CAN, and it does not have to have any ill effects on the marriage at all.

Most women can NOT handle the truth, they say they want to know, then immediately put their men in the doghouse. Women can't have it both ways, we speak out of 2 sides of our mouth....who is being honest then. How can our men trust what we say?


If you are blessed enough that your man is there, jumping, enthusiastic, wanting you, desiring you , words of affirmation, praise on how much he loves you, enjoys making love to you. He revels on the emotional connection with YOU, really...what is all the fuss about -if he is still more horny & wants another release 8 hours later -when you would rather sleep . Are you willing to make your own porn videos, how many wives would use this as a substitute? It is a nice compromise, but most men will get that shot down too. I've seen some threads on here, pretty brutal for even asking such a thing.

Me & mine enjoy watching it together, I think I like it more than him. He told me one day he enjoys watching me watch it ! It has been very spicey for us--this once sexually repressed couple getting a little wild in midlife. We have never been with another and this is our only "variety" . I love the fact he is doggish, just shows his hormones are working & working WELL, a sign of health & vitality .... a HORNY man is a HEALTHY MAN. The facts are....Men will always notice curves of other females, no matter what they spew out of their mouths to pacify their women and keep them happy. Men are inherently dogs, but we love them anyway. Smile about it !

Women are so led by the EMOTIONAL, if our men were like us, we could GROW bored with them, we secretly enjoy their lust for us, we just don't want it "too much". BUT we still want it !!! They have to put up with our PMS , don't they? Why is it so hard for us to try and understand their allure to see some skin. Where is our understanding without the Judgement.

So long as we are satisfied, we are wanted, loved & our sexual pleasures are filled by him to our delight, I just don't see the threat. They will cherish us even more for CARING to understand them , they will infact become more vulnerable with us, my husband has ! I wouldn't trade that for the world.

Of coarse there should be BALANCE in all things, addictions are NOT OK, using it over their wives, NEVER OK, that even to me, would be a form of betrayal, cheating almost, I wouldn't stand for it -at all. And neither should women, we need our man's passion for us in a deep way, connecting with us.

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Old 11-09-2011, 10:23 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal???

Bottom line appears to be that women need to be more visual. Ladies, go rent whatever you like, hide it, lie some more, lust after it, hurt your spouse. All's good.
SA, what works for you doesn't always work for others. There are plenty of people who don't like porn and that doesn't make them insecure.
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