General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Let's assume for a minute you had a less than average size penis and you stumbled upon your wife's internet history showing a significant amount of porn where it was clear the focus was on extra large sized men ...
Would you still feel like 'awesome! she masturbates to porn!' or would there be any self-doubt going on there that maybe you were not 'enough' for her?
I never had the demeaning mother who gave me crap about finding a playboy under my bed so I was a step ahead of most men.
I never had the demeaning mother either. So I guess I was a step ahead as well.Luckily I never felt it was something I had to have in my life.
I have seen my share for sure, but its nothing I would lose a good decent marriage over. I value relationships, not a magazine, a video or computer screen. They are objects.
I guarantee you it would bother you if you already felt insecure about your size.
Yes, it probably would but thats part of the problem I mentioned.
These insecurities aren`t going to be helped by going about it the way most of the women here are going about it.
They are just going to become more entrenched.
Communication about those insecurities and understanding of the males perspective is the fix.
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I say ladies let's revolt. Big, Bad and Hung is already in my Netflix cue. Who's with me?
What`s Big Bad & Hung?
I have the TV show "Hung" on my hard drive, it`s pretty funny.
Let's assume for a minute you had a less than average size penis and you stumbled upon your wife's internet history showing a significant amount of porn where it was clear the focus was on extra large sized men ...
Would you still feel like 'awesome! she masturbates to porn!' or would there be any self-doubt going on there that maybe you were not 'enough' for her?
I am not at all the jealous type and would not practice monogamy if my wife was ok with it and we have experimented with "swinging" for about a year during which time she did have a chance to experiment with a couple men who were bigger than I am down below. So, given that she's had the real deal inches away from me while I was with the real deal's wife or girlfriend, I doubt I'd be too bothered about if she was only masturbating to porn of well endowed men (rather than partaking in it).
Unfortunately, my wife is very jealous and possessive and that experiment has since come to an end.
I think it has a lot to do with how we are conditioned as children about sex. As someone else pointed out, adolescent males are shamed by their mothers into hiding their porn.
I'm not so sure. My transition to being a teenager included a prostitute paid for by my dad when I visited him - although my mother flipped out until she learned that 'protecting my innocence' was a moot point by then. My mother's stance was that sexuality was my business, but I better not be gettin the clap.
The changes I made followed my marriage, and taking my wife to the ER from sickness that came about through her bulemia. Oh, and then learning that I was having a daughter. Its tragic that my wife has self-esteem issues, but they are my wife's issues, so they trump porn.
Picking a childhood source might be more relevant if we consider TV or social pressures.
Yes, it probably would but thats part of the problem I mentioned.
These insecurities aren`t going to be helped by going about it the way most of the women here are going about it.
They are just going to become more entrenched.
Communication about those insecurities and understanding of the males perspective is the fix.
What`s Big Bad & Hung?
I have the TV show "Hung" on my hard drive, it`s pretty funny.
So what would your solution be then for a woman who dislikes porn because it makes her feel "less then"....more porn?
The movie I cited was just a made up title. You get the picture though. So you'd be cool with it, groovy. I can assure you that for many of the men here who view it as their male right, they would flip their sh!t if their wives were hiding porn/lying about it using men 20 years younger and had a unit the size of a footlong Subway sandwich.
No actually I don`t hide my porn use.
My wife is aware and usually we partake together but I had to come to a point due to previous relationships where I decided I simply wouldn`t deal with a womans hang up about it.
I once had a newish girlfriend give me **** about my roommates Penthouse collection.
I showed her the door.
Your off base and more than a little confrontational about it.
You`re actually proving my point.
Thank you.
Not off-base based on YOUR comments, they weren't mine.
Perhaps you "read" more into my response than I actually wrote.
I don't care for "men" that want to prove their superiority by "talking down" to women and that's how it sounded to me and that's all that matters - to me...we can agree to disagree and be thankful that we're not in a relationship or married to each other - I'd eat you alive!
So there is no need for a male to understand the womans perspective on it?
Just for the female to understand the males perspective and all will be well?
I`m beginning to get a bit annoyed that my posts are being misconstrued.
I`ve never even eluded to this point of view and in fact have stated that any insecurities a woman has about porn needs to be dealt with through communication.
I could call people who look at porn losers because they waste hrs of their lives sitting in front of a computer sceen playing with themselves instead of doing something useful with their time. I could call them self indulgent and lacking in control because they cannot resist allowing themselves to be controlled by watching other men have sex.
I could call them boys instead of men because they have to hide in behind blaming women instead of standing up like men and owning that they are controlled by images on a screen. I could call them sad and hollow because their lives are so consumed by pleasure seeking and waste money and time supporting an industry that is immoral, corrupt and criminal.
The real problem is that porn is an evil industry that satisfies an insatiable need for mindless pleasure. The reality of the industry is well known but still supported because the persuit of mindless sexual variety is more important than the evil that porn brings to the lives of young woman and children. That is the way I see it. Men hide it because they know it is not right and they blame shift to avoid taking full responsibility for the success of an evil perverted industry.
I am not insecure about my looks but I hate porn. I think it is horrible. The industry needs a contant supply of young woman to feed into the conveyer belt. The acts become more and more extreme to keep the men like sheep locked to the screen and pouring billions into the pockets of immoral sleezers. I hate porn because it is an evil industry and holds the seeds of destruction for the very gender that spends so much time supporting it.
The young men coming of age today are the first to have their brains shaped by an easy access to internet porn. The effect on them is unknown but given the increasing rate of porn addiction, sexless marriages because of the demands on the woman to be porn sex stars, misogyny, blunted empathy for women, there will be problems.
I have a nightmarish picture of the future - virtual porn emporiums. Millions upon millions of men in darken rooms sitting on padded reclining chairs hooked up to 3D glasses participating in porn. They are fat and pale like grubs fed through feeding tubes wearing diapers with pouches in the crotch area so they can play with themselves. They are cared for by attendants. Their legs are vestigial and their non dominant hands are lifeless and floppy but the dominant hands are strong.
Thier vision is fails after a few years and their brains are fried. They end up in nursing facilities at 30 yo - but the craving never ends until blessed death takes them at the age of 35 from the ravages of porn dementia. Somewhat like the opium dens of a century or so ago. Posted via Mobile Device
I guarantee you it would bother you if you already felt insecure about your size. That is not my reason for disliking porn but as evidenced here, that is a huge reason why many women feel this way.
I say ladies let's revolt. Big, Bad and Hung is already in my Netflix cue. Who's with me?
ME!
I'm actually married to Big, Bad and Hung - reason he's still around...
For me, the bigger, the better. Everything else - it's like a toothpick in a bucket!!!
Not off-base based on YOUR comments, they weren't mine.
Perhaps you "read" more into my response than I actually wrote.
I don't care for "men" that want to prove their superiority by "talking down" to women and that's how it sounded to me and that's all that matters - to me...we can agree to disagree and be thankful that we're not in a relationship or married to each other - I'd eat you alive!
I`m beginning to get a bit annoyed that my posts are being misconstrued.
I`ve never even eluded to this point of view and in fact have stated that any insecurities a woman has about porn needs to be dealt with through communication.
I`ve said this more than once.
Please stop twisting my intent.
Annoyed? No one can make you feel that way unless you let them. It wasn't my intention, I just I asked a question. But I read ya loud and clear.
So what would your solution be then for a woman who dislikes porn because it makes her feel "less then"....more porn?
Therapy/counseling I suppose.
An understanding husband willing to wean her out of these feelings would go far as well.
I never had this problem so honestly I`ve not given it much thought.
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The movie I cited was just a made up title. You get the picture though.
Too bad, sounded like something my wife would enjoy.
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So you'd be cool with it, groovy. I can assure you that for many of the men here who view it as their male right, they would flip their sh!t if their wives were hiding porn/lying about it using men 20 years younger and had a unit the size of a footlong Subway sandwich.
Well then they have their own problems to deal with.
I do remember the one guy who was freaked over his wifes collection of gangbang DVD`s.
I`m going to go find that thread and see what he eventually did.
Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal??? 
