General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Well apparently its a very big deal to those who love it. They will defend it and almost damn near kill you to prove their point on how wonderful it is and how its the best thing since sliced bread.
Annoyed? No one can make you feel that way unless you let them. It wasn't my intention, I just I asked a question. But I read ya loud and clear.
Trey, in post #52 you quoted my statement that a womans inscurities should be helped by communication about them and then alluded to to the falsity that I was stating there was no need for the man to have any understanding of the womans perspective.
Quote:
Originally Posted by trey69
So there is no need for a male to understand the womans perspective on it?
Just for the female to understand the males perspective and all will be well?
That is either intentionally disingenuous or a sign of illiteracy.
Well apparently its a very big deal to those who love it. They will defend it and almost damn near kill you to prove their point on how wonderful it is and how its the best thing since sliced bread.
Really?
Where/when has this happened?
It seems to me the big deal is being made by those who dislike it.
Those who like it have repeatedly stated in many thread that it`s not a big deal.
I myself like porn quite a bit, but if it bothered my H I KNOW that I could be sexually happy without it.
I think thats the thing though, some people can not be happy without it. Its like they absolutely have to have it in their lives, like some kind of drug coursing through their veins.
I'm actually married to Big, Bad and Hung - reason he's still around...
For me, the bigger, the better. Everything else - it's like a toothpick in a bucket!!!
Can't understand who they interview for the size does not matter thing. Size matters, too thin is worse that too short. Girth is important because it hits all of the right spots if it is wide enough. Plus a big one is much more impressive and manly. I have only seen two in real life but I have head description by gf with more experience and size mattered to every single one.
I think that the size demands are already having an effect. Young girls look at porn too and average size is not a well represented in porn. Boys are more nervous about size and girls may be disappointed that not too many guys have larger than average. Posted via Mobile Device
Men are just as responsible, if not more, for not entering into a relationship with a woman who is anti-porn if they can't live without it. If porn is such an integral part of your sexuality then it is your responsibility to state that. You should assume, for the health of your relationships, that all women are anti-porn, as all women who are completely anti-porn women should assume all men are porn addicts, until the discover otherwise. This way the topic is always discussed and hashed out in the beginning of the relationship, not after 10 years of marriage.
It seems to me the big deal is being made by those who dislike it.
Those who like it have repeatedly stated in many thread that it`s not a big deal.
No it works both ways I suppose. BUT for some reason it seems SOME who do love it, will go way more out of their way to prove why that is or defend why they feel the way the do, than someone who may not care for it.
I could call people who look at porn losers because they waste hrs of their lives sitting in front of a computer sceen playing with themselves instead of doing something useful with their time. I could call them self indulgent and lacking in control because tgey cannot resist allowing themselves to be controlled by watching other men have sex.
I could call them boys instead of men because they have to hide in behind blaming women instead of standing up like men and owning that they are controlled by images on a screen. I could call them sad and hollow because their lives are so consumed by pleasure seeking and wast money and time supporting an industry that is immoral carupt and criminal.
Posted via Mobile Device
Catherine, but why do you even care what other people do with their lives, whether it is to be consumed with porn, or to sit around and watch The View/Soap Operas/Dr. Phil, to spend a lot of time worshiping their God of choice, or beating off to porn?
I would be willing to bet that there are a good number of men, like myself, who use porn to complement their otherwise healthy sex lives. These days, I can count on my wife for sex maybe 4 times a week but, until you have the opportunity to have a hard penis attached to your body, then you really shouldn't judge whether a man should masturbate or not (and I could not imagine just lying there and masturbating with my eyes closed without porn).
On the days I am not having sex, I see no harm in masturbating to porn and there is no more fantasizing going on in porn for me than sometimes exists when I am having sex with my wife. Trust me, as bad as it may make me sound, sometimes my wife, in my mind, becomes one of her friends, becomes her brother's wife, becomes a woman at the gym I'm attracted to, becomes a 33 year old teacher (while I am a 16 year old student) who I am having sex with to pass her high school class, etc. Sex with someone for the 1,500th time just isn't the same as having sex with someone for the first or even the 100th time so fantasies play a very useful role.
As far as what some of the others have written, my wildest sex has not come from fantasies I've tried to live out from things I've seen in porn, but rather from dating women between marriages. I would've never dreamed of choking a woman while I am inside her missionary style, pulling her hair HARD while I am inside her doggy style, spanking her until she literally had bruises on her butt while inside her doggy style (and still being told to spank her harder), slapping a woman across the face while inside her, and even fisting a woman at her own request and told by her that it was the most intense feeling and orgasm she could get by being fisted and that she could only equate it to the feeling that heroin users had described the high from heroin was like. NONE of this was porn induced but rather induced by quite normal women (Fist Girl, as I adoringly like to remember her, was a petite newly inducted attorney about 30 years old, for example).
Now what I did learn from porn was invaluable and that was cunnilingus and this has served me well. It was one movie that I must have watched as about a 21 year old, before I even had a serious relationship, and the actress from the porn movie was just enjoying the cunninlingus WAAAAYYY too much to be faking it. I had the chance to put it into action a few months later and knew I was onto something special and have only perfected it in the near two decades since.
Ideally, I would have sex with my wife 5 days a week, and then masturbate on the two off days. I try to make a very conscious effort NOT to masturbate on days where there is even a remote chance we will have sexual intercourse but if I masturbate during my DW's period, when the most I'll get is a BJ, then, well, that is ok...may take her a couple minutes longer to make me climax and she may not be satisfied with the amount I ejaculate, but, c'est la vie.
I`m beginning to get a bit annoyed that my posts are being misconstrued.
I`ve never even eluded to this point of view and in fact have stated that any insecurities a woman has about porn needs to be dealt with through communication.
I`ve said this more than once.
Please stop twisting my intent.
It's not about twisting.
It's about how what "you're saying" is being interpreted by others on the board.
Your intent is for the reader/listener to "understand" your message.
If we're not understanding, then it's not our interpretation that is at fault, it's the way you are delivering your message .
Appears I'm not the only one "hearing" what you are actually saying versus what you want us to hear.
But we love ya anyway...keep posting - it's what makes it interesting!
No it works both ways I suppose. BUT for some reason it seems SOME who do love it, will go way more out of their way to prove why that is or defend why they feel the way the do, than someone who may not care for it.
Understood.
I don`t "love" porn nor do I have a problem with it.
I am visually stimulated and it`s an aid to my sexuality.
My problem is that I won`t have my sexuality controlled by my wife or SO.
It`s mine, I`ll share it with her but she doesn`t own it and if she attempted to the result would be ugly.
Trey, in post #52 you quoted my statement that a womans inscurities should be helped by communication about them and then alluded to to the falsity that I was stating there was no need for the man to have any understanding of the womans perspective.
That is either intentionally disingenuous or a sign of illiteracy.
I think you can read.
What part are you not getting? I SAID I read you loud and clear, surely you can understand that.
It seems to me the big deal is being made by those who dislike it.
Those who like it have repeatedly stated in many thread that it`s not a big deal.
And MOST of those are MEN.
See the correlation?
You don't have women out here saying it's not big deal (some, but definitely the minority, not the majority).
It is a big deal TO US.
And if you cared about US, then it would be a big deal to you too.
That's where the real problem lies. And we can't seem to get through to "you men (not all)" that the problem really is perception and how it makes us feel - not that we're trying to control you, etc.
A lot of women are just as visual as men - but you don't find us wanking off to every naked picture we can find...that's the difference - self-control and respect for your partner - simple as that.
It's about how what "you're saying" is being interpreted by others on the board.
thanks MWIL, sometimes it not what a person says but they way they say it. And yes sometimes its the perception of whats being said, but I would think it can go either way on both parts.
Trying to come to an understanding between staunch porn defenders and staunch anti porn people is about as fruitful as trying to broker a peace agreement between Palestine and Israel. It might work for a little bit but eventually all hell breaks lose.
Re: Porn...seriously, what's the big deal??? 
I think thats the thing though, some people can not be happy without it. Its like they absolutely have to have it in their lives, like some kind of drug coursing through their veins.
