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Old 11-10-2011, 11:43 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband literally spit in my face

Let me tell you something. I dealt with being abused for over FIVE YEARS with my ex, and it was daily towards the end. At the last incident, I did the hardest thing I ever had to do... I picked up a phone, dialed 911 and let them tape the abuse over the phone. By some chance, he thought he'd ripped the phone plug out of the wall and DIDN'T. He was choking me when the police came, and I remember whispering to him "I can't breathe". When he looked me dead in the eye and said "Good" I knew that he was going to kill me. The police came, arrested him and I INSTANTLY became homeless. His adopted father had given us the house we lived in, and kicked me out as soon as he learned I called the cops on his son. I had three days to pack what I could into my two cars, with my three dogs and I lived in a Walmart parking lot. Walmart even towed one of my cars after 7 days while I was out looking for a job. They eventually got my car back for me, after telling them my situation. I found a home for my three dogs, who I had for YEARS, and the couple who took them changed my life forever. They got me a job after I searched for months, allowed me visitation with my "kids", (that really kept my spirit alive during this time, because wouldn't you know it - after I found it was so difficult on my own, I started REGRETING having called the police on my ex)!!! The place they got me hired at would be the place I would meet my now-husband. I worked and continued to be homeless, living in my car and showering at my now-husband's place, while I saved money for my own dwelling. After a YEAR of this I finally got my own home, and moved in just days before Christmas. The couple who took my dogs GAVE THEM BACK to me, and it was the best gift I think I've EVER received in my whole life!!! I still get choked up remembering that day. They are now dear friends, they are more than friends, they are family to me, and God only knows where I'd be without them. You CAN do this. You HAVE to. Where there is a will, there's a way. In the end, it was worth it. I risked everything, lost everything and had to start from scratch, literally. When I look at how far I've come now, it's just amazing to me. The hardest part about leaving my ex... He was my best friend. REALLY. We shared the kind of closeness and intimacy that people only dream of... He just couldn't stop using drugs and abusing me. We had so many good times and adventures together... So many heartfelt talks, so many dreams. In the end, it was just talk. Get out, and do it for your kids. My DOGS were traumatized by my ex. They STILL cower when someone raises their voice. Imagine how your kids are affected, if my dogs are still like this, years later. Wishing you the best, my friend. Make it happen.
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Old 11-10-2011, 11:46 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband literally spit in my face

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This is a time where you need to be very mad and comunicate that either he apoligise or get out. that type of behavior is totaly unacceptable and has NO place in a marriage.

He nees to show he is sorry for acting like a 10yr old.

I would even sugest he take some anger management classes.No normal person spits in there loved ones face either he is commited to change or the next time he might hit you or worse whats he going to be like when your baby is older and needs disaplined. Very poor behavior totaly unacceptable.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN HARD ON THIS.
This.

How utterly disrespectful. I'm so sorry.
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Old 11-10-2011, 12:26 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband literally spit in my face

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Let me tell you something. I dealt with being abused for over FIVE YEARS with my ex, and it was daily towards the end. At the last incident, I did the hardest thing I ever had to do... I picked up a phone, dialed 911 and let them tape the abuse over the phone. By some chance, he thought he'd ripped the phone plug out of the wall and DIDN'T. He was choking me when the police came, and I remember whispering to him "I can't breathe". When he looked me dead in the eye and said "Good" I knew that he was going to kill me. The police came, arrested him and I INSTANTLY became homeless. His adopted father had given us the house we lived in, and kicked me out as soon as he learned I called the cops on his son. I had three days to pack what I could into my two cars, with my three dogs and I lived in a Walmart parking lot. Walmart even towed one of my cars after 7 days while I was out looking for a job. They eventually got my car back for me, after telling them my situation. I found a home for my three dogs, who I had for YEARS, and the couple who took them changed my life forever. They got me a job after I searched for months, allowed me visitation with my "kids", (that really kept my spirit alive during this time, because wouldn't you know it - after I found it was so difficult on my own, I started REGRETING having called the police on my ex)!!! The place they got me hired at would be the place I would meet my now-husband. I worked and continued to be homeless, living in my car and showering at my now-husband's place, while I saved money for my own dwelling. After a YEAR of this I finally got my own home, and moved in just days before Christmas. The couple who took my dogs GAVE THEM BACK to me, and it was the best gift I think I've EVER received in my whole life!!! I still get choked up remembering that day. They are now dear friends, they are more than friends, they are family to me, and God only knows where I'd be without them. You CAN do this. You HAVE to. Where there is a will, there's a way. In the end, it was worth it. I risked everything, lost everything and had to start from scratch, literally. When I look at how far I've come now, it's just amazing to me. The hardest part about leaving my ex... He was my best friend. REALLY. We shared the kind of closeness and intimacy that people only dream of... He just couldn't stop using drugs and abusing me. We had so many good times and adventures together... So many heartfelt talks, so many dreams. In the end, it was just talk. Get out, and do it for your kids. My DOGS were traumatized by my ex. They STILL cower when someone raises their voice. Imagine how your kids are affected, if my dogs are still like this, years later. Wishing you the best, my friend. Make it happen.
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Thank you for sharing your story. Very unfortunate that you had to endure that, but at the same time very inspiring that you've come so far. The part about your ex being your best friend, that is what is so hard about this situation too. I feel like he and I share a closeness like no other... But at the same time I feel like he could destroy me and feel no remorse whatsoever. I have a lot to think about right now.
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Old 11-10-2011, 01:07 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Cherry, after reading your posts and your replies, my only advice and its not advice....it just sorta sound like it to me....is that your in disbelief over what has transpired. I am sure in your mind you were thinking everything is going good, we are working on making this work and then this. Its okay to be in disbelief and its okay to grieve for the reconciliation you thought was taking place. Don't beat yourself up over what you did or didn't do, what caused it, etc. If you don't want to tell your family that is okay too, its your decision. The only thing is....please do not put yourself or your children in harm's way, while making your decision.

I feel your pain and I am sorry for what you have been through. Please take care of yourself!
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Old 11-10-2011, 02:04 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Cherry, after reading your posts and your replies, my only advice and its not advice....it just sorta sound like it to me....is that your in disbelief over what has transpired. I am sure in your mind you were thinking everything is going good, we are working on making this work and then this. Its okay to be in disbelief and its okay to grieve for the reconciliation you thought was taking place. Don't beat yourself up over what you did or didn't do, what caused it, etc. If you don't want to tell your family that is okay too, its your decision. The only thing is....please do not put yourself or your children in harm's way, while making your decision.

I feel your pain and I am sorry for what you have been through. Please take care of yourself!
That is it. I had a chance to talk to him a couple of hours ago and he told me that he felt like hitting me this morning, but due to our past and my promise to call the cops on him and have him arrested and removed from the home, that option was not there for him so he said he did the second thing that came to his mind as he was looking at me, and that was to spit at me. I told him he needs to call someone, a counselor, anyone so that we can determine our next steps because our children WILL not grow up in this environment. He is working tonight so at least I will have some time to gather my thoughts for what hopefully will be a straight to the point conversation when he gets home. I have a lot to think about, but I know my priority is my safety and my children's safety above all else.
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Old 11-10-2011, 02:09 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband literally spit in my face

FYI- spitting on a person is considered battery. He could have gotten arrested for doing that had you called the police. He needs to know he can't get away with that either... he should have gone ahead and hit you. Be done with it once and for all.
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Old 11-10-2011, 02:39 PM   #37 (permalink)
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It's not too late to call the cops, I did not know that it was considered battery. Another option for me to consider, thank you.
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:42 PM   #38 (permalink)
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He's coming home in a hour. We both have calmed down. But you all have got me thinking hard. The word broken is something I can't stop thinking about. Is he truly too far gone, is he too broken? I guess only I can determine how much I can take. We used to fight constantly... we have both worked on toning that down successfully... but now it seems when we do fight, its over stupid **** and its brutal. I'm watching my children grow up, I want them to be happy, healthy and safe in their little worlds. My H is ADHD, he grew up in a very abusive family, and honesty I think he is bipolar on some level. He has refused to go see a doctor for any kind of mood disorder, he took ritalin as a child and hated the side effects. only he can choose who he wants to be in life. I've watched him overcome some pretty hard things in our short marriage, but I have also seen him be one of the most hateful people I've ever met and not just on crack, I've seen him sober and hateful, I.e. this morning. Where does it come from?? And why me? (I know the answer to that one, because I stay). He is the epitome of my perfect man, except for his anger problems. If I could find something else wrong with him, I might not have such a struggle with my choices. He became the perfect husband shortly after he hit me for the last time 5 months ago now. Is that long enough to trust him, does him spitting in my face just prove he still has no respect for me? I don't know, I'm just thinking outloud. I'm so confused.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:43 PM   #39 (permalink)
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I would have freaked the f**k out! That is the ultimate in disrespect
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Old 11-11-2011, 07:53 PM   #40 (permalink)
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I haven't answered his calls for the past 30 mins... He's threatening to come up to my job.

chillymorn - He's hit me before, so I think in his mind this isn't "abuse".... I know it is.

.
Two things stand out here: (1) He has hit you before. BIG RED FLAG!!!!!!

(2) He's threatening to come to your job (and probably make a scene).

One is a form of physical abuse. The other is a form of emotional abuse. Creating havoc in front of your co-workers is a way for him to control you even in your own workspace.

Based on what I've heard here, this guy is a real loser and doesn't deserve another chance.
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Old 11-11-2011, 07:57 PM   #41 (permalink)
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If someone spit in my face, especially my lover, that would be it.

That fact that he has hit you before is just disgusting and you deserve so much better.

I was thinking about you today....about this. No one deserves to be spit on. So vile. So disrespectful. I'm sorry he did that to you. Just know that abusers usually hate themselves so they take it out on others. It's not you.
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Old 11-11-2011, 07:58 PM   #42 (permalink)
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If this was your child in your situation...what would you tell her?

What would you tell a friend?

Take that advice.
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Old 11-11-2011, 08:05 PM   #43 (permalink)
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That is it. I had a chance to talk to him a couple of hours ago and he told me that he felt like hitting me this morning, but due to our past and my promise to call the cops on him and have him arrested and removed from the home, that option was not there for him so he said he did the second thing that came to his mind as he was looking at me, and that was to spit at me.
This is the most damning thing I've heard in a while. He's actually claiming that he did the right thing by spitting at you instead of hitting you? REALLY?

That shows such an utter lack of respect that I don't even have the words to describe it. His anger issues - which are what led to the abuse in the first place - have not been dealt with, they've just taken on a new form. I'm afraid if you don't get away from him soon, he won't be able to hold back next time.

I'm also worried that he is calculating this much in the midst of his anger. He's actually reasoning on the best ways to hurt you emotionally without getting caught. That shows a level of cold-heartedness that chills me.

A scenario that I'm envisioning goes like this: Next time, he gets so angry that he can't hold back. He decides to hit. But because he knows he'll lose you and get arrested for hitting you, he decides to just go all the way. That's how murder-suicides happen.

I'm not a trained professional in this area, but I saw it happen with an uncle once. Everyone in the family kept telling her to leave him. She said she finally had him "under control."

He ended up gunning her down in their living room. Walked up to her as she lay wounded and put another bullet through her eye. Unfortunately, he never got around to the suicide part so the good people of Ohio are paying for his room and board for the rest of his life.

I'm really worried about this one for you. Protect yourself! Please don't sweep this under the rug!
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Old 11-12-2011, 10:48 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Any updates Cherry? Last you posted, angry husband was coming home in an hour after spending the day spitting on you and then harassing you. I hope I'm wrong, but I have a bad feeling about this. Update us as soon as possible. Don't know about the others, but I'm a little worried!
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Old 11-12-2011, 10:49 AM   #45 (permalink)
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He is the epitome of my perfect man, except for his anger problems. If I could find something else wrong with him, I might not have such a struggle with my choices. He became the perfect husband shortly after he hit me for the last time 5 months ago now. Is that long enough to trust him, does him spitting in my face just prove he still has no respect for me?
So, what you are saying is your husband is the perfect guy except for the fact that he has a history of hitting you, and instead of hitting you yesterday, he opted to spit on you. What other reprehensible attributes does he need to have in order not to be considered "perfect, if only he wasn't ..."?

No, five months is not long enough to trust him, given that he admitted he wanted to hit you yesterday, but opted to spit instead. He has no respect for himself, for you, or his children.
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