Jay123

Hello, me and my girlfriend have been together for about 2 years, she recently attended a party where her ex was, she said her ex moved in for a kiss but she turned away, i believe her. But then i find out they have been messaging each other but found out she actually turned him down, then i found his number saved in her phone(it was never there before). I looked at her phone bill and there is alot of texts and she rang him quite a few times. she said it was her telling him how happy she is with me and she dont want him etc. But the day this happened she said to me she wanted a break, i told her how upset i was etc then she said we wont have one then. I looked into her phone stupidly and see a text off her ex's sister(who shes friends with) saying "your not coming to my house for me really are you haha" But ive been badly horrible to my girlfriend over the last few weeks this as happened and if she wanted to leave me for him surely she would? What do i do?

hunter_aussie

Maybe the only thing you can do is let her go? Make her own decision what she wants. He and her ex must have broke up for a reason so she is probably remembering all the good, fun times and forgetting why they aren't together anymore. He is no doubt not reminding her.
Don't let them humiliate you by carrying on behind your back (as it seems with that txt msg). Just tell her flat out you don't think it's appropriate her being friends with her ex when he has made it clear he has feelings for her as she is just encouraging him. Maybe she's mixed up and doesn't know what she wants. So just look after yourself and let her go and have her break. The more you are nasty to her over this the more excuse she'll have to leave - don't buy into it.

Jay123

She didnt go to his house after that text, so i dont know what to believe, she has made it perfectly clear she wants to be with me, one thing i have noticed is shes been very nice with me recently like not shouting for nothing. Ive asked her countless and countless times and she swears she has done nothing wrong but i dont know, ive got that gut feeling about something

hunter_aussie

Of course you do because of the texts and calls between them, and the fact he tried to kiss her. Anybody would and now you'll be paranoid about everything.
If you really think she hasn't done anything, then all you can do is trust her at this moment BUT she must stop contact with the ex. It's not fair on you or the relationship and she can't expect you to accept it. The guys trying to get back with her, or win her from you. Who knows but obviously his intentions aren't good.
You don't need to tolerate it and she needs to have more respect for your relationship and feelings than this.

Jay123

To be fair, he hasnt text her now for a few weeks so things are going good she said he said to her he is jealous of me and is trying to break us up, i just want to know will i get over it? I do trust her to be fair

hunter_aussie

Of course you will - if nothing actually happened. It depends on how open and honest she is. When a person feels that trust has been broken, it takes awhile to regain it back. It's not how much time passes, but what you do with that time that counts.
Sometimes you just have to let go and ride the wave. If she is open about everything, your suspicions will ease in time as you won't have anything to worry about. What you're feeling is perfectly natural. Don't overthink too much or you'll drive yourself crazy (trust me)

Jay123

What would be a good way of getting her to tell the truth? She says shes told me everything but i think theres more to it. Ive tried shouting it out of her, then queitly talking it out of her? Any more ideas?

hunter_aussie

Seriously if some people don't want to tell you anything they won't. Men/Women can be caught red handed in bed with someone and they still won't admit anything has happened!
WHY do you think she isn't telling you the truth? I know you probably swing between believing her and not, but what is it that niggles away at you? That something doesn't add up? Your instinct? Or paranoia?
You really have two options: accept what she's saying as the truth and let it go or you will end up driving a wedge in the relationship anyway. If she's sworn that nothing has happened, there's not much you can do at this point but believe her (if you want to).
If you can't do that, you'll have to just walk away. Which I know you don't want to. Sit down and tell her it's hard for you to trust her because she was texting and calling this guy who was her ex, and you didn't know anything and felt like a fool. She should've been honest from the beginning and you wouldn't be feeling like this. She needs to accept she's done the wrong thing here and own it, and help you to move forward and trust her.
There are no easy solutions, and every relationship is different so at this stage, it's completely up to you how you feel. If time goes on and nothing happens and you feel you can trust her, the mistrust should start to fade. It's just right now that's the tough part.
Go with your instinct