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Another One is Gone ... Damn

4K views 40 replies 27 participants last post by  MarriedDude 
#1 ·
I just got a call from one of the veteran members of my AA group who is a sponsor for three fledgling members in our group. One of his men, a young man who had been with us for six months, and who was doing really really well, took his own life last night.

I just cannot believe this. I sit here stunned. This is the second AA member from our group to commit suicide in the last year and a half since I have been with this group. I am gutted because he was only 23 and leaves behind a wife and daughter. I took him out for a late dinner one night a couple months back to chat with him and he was very bright, articulate and really seemed to be heading places with his career. He had been an alcoholic since he was about eight years old.

Such a waste! He seemed to be doing so well, was sharing and opening up and really seemed to be working his steps. Something triggered him I guess. He must have gone on a bender and, in his inebriation, whatever demons were haunting him finally pushed him over the edge. We will never know for sure how it went down. I guess he decided there was no other way out. Problem is, because I know nothing about his personal life, I cannot extend my sorrow to his family. It was his widow who found his sponsor's telephone number and called him to let him know.

People... tell the ones you love how much you love them... every day. You never know when it will be the last time you get to tell them that.

Now I have to go to group tonight and tell the other members. I fvcking hate this. :(
 
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#3 ·
So sorry, bandit. :(
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#6 · (Edited)
Prayers flowing your way, Bandito!

For namely you, your AA group, and for this young man's grieving family!

Rest assured that he is now fastly in our Heavenly Father's hands and has been welcomed back "Home!"

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#17 ·
Well that is what we did last night, and tonight we will revisit the situation and let everyone vent their feelings. We will make sure all the members are staying in touch with their sponsors. I have been in touch daily with the two guys I sponsor and they are OK. I text them about twice a day to see how they are.

The only reason this is not as devastating as it could be is because the young guy was only with us for about six months. He was not one of our veteran or long-time members. We had not bonded with him as strongly as some have bonded who have been with this group longer.

But several of the members did trigger, including one guy who did contemplate suicide a couple years ago. He is also bi-polar so I am keeping an eye on him.
 
#18 ·
Yes most members have a sponsor.

This young man's sponsor has been with this group a long time...longer than I have. He didn't drop the ball. He is an older gentleman who has been sober for more than thirty years and is looked up to and respected by us all. If he could not have seen the signs no one could have.

He was talking to this young man daily and the kid seemed fine. In fact last week at our Friday meeting the young man was in very good spirits and was looking forward to earning his six month chip, which he was just one week shy of. :( I had already ordered it for him...a nice shiny bronze one. I wish I had his wife's contact info and I would mail it to her.
 
#15 ·
I'm sorry Bandit. A friend of my daughters just recently died from an overdose. She had been to rehab 2 or 3 times and then to sober living for 6 months and then overdosed not long after leaving sober living. She too was very young. Addiction is such a horrible, horrible disease. Some folks just can't seem to beat it, no matter how much they try and want too. My heart goes out to you and his family.
 
#16 ·
my kid brother was an alcoholic.

he was 42 years old and camping in the mountains (2003)near the edge of a cliff overlooking a beautiful lake. he loved camping.
he was drunk when he got up in the middle of the night, stumbling around to take a leak and unknowingly walked off the cliff in the dark, 80 ft. to his death.

like your buddy, my bro was finally getting his life together after wasting most of it through alcohol.
he had a great job and was one semester away from getting his b.s. in environmental engineering.

it hit me so hard it took me about a year after that to the point i could even function again.

condolences and prayers.
 
#20 ·
Had a second cousin who ruined his life and marriage with drinking. It was a shame. I didn't know him well. I was just a little guy when I knew him. He was a great guy when he wasn't drunk. I used to enjoy seeing him when I had the chance. He was much older than me and is long gone now.
 
#22 ·
Had a second cousin who ruined his life and marriage with drinking. It was a shame. I didn't know him well. I was just a little guy when I knew him. He was a great guy when he wasn't drunk. I used to enjoy seeing him when I had the chance. He was much older than me and is long gone now.
And you can say that about 90% of most alcoholics. Unfortunately, only 10% of those believe they are great people. And that is the problem.

Alcoholism obliterates your self esteem and self worth. That is why staying sober is so hard. Your head is clear and you can see and comprehend clearly all the devastation you have wrought to your life and the lives of your loved ones.

Climbing back in the bottle is the easy way out. You don't have to feel the pain. People leave you alone because they don't want to be around you when you're on a bender. You can keep that glass wall up between yourself and the people you love.

Stevie Ray Vaughn called it "The Wall of Denial" and wrote a song about it.

I think this young man had been clear headed long enough to where he could look around and see the wasteland he had made of his life, and it was just too painful to live with. Guilt, self-hatred, fear of the future...he just couldn't deal with it.
 
#25 ·
Alcohol ruins so many lives...I've seen it's effects close up enough ...how to get our young people to not start drinking would be a great start , most especially if alcoholism is in the family...I just don't think enough people care.. they want their beer, their buzz...

It's a tragedy & one of the strongest addictions known to humanity -many can not conquer it..
 
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