We've been married for 15 years. Admittedly, I've not been a saint. I have had multiple affairs during the course of our 15yr marriage, which I'm not proud of, and we've split up on 3 separate occasions, only to end up back together. It appears to be my wife's mission in life to make me pay for my mistakes 24/7, even though she said she has moved on. For me, each time we split up I was concerned with what our kids were seeing with their mother (drinking everyday and neglecting them) and thus I decided for their sake to try to work things out.
We have two children together (1st grader and 8th grader). Our parenting styles couldn't be any further apart, which appears to be on of our largest obstacles. Her default parenting style is yelling, calling names and demeaning, which she also does to me in front on our children every day. She is passive aggressive (and bipolar) and I am seeing some of this behavior in our children (my wife blames me, of course). My wife hasn't worked since becoming pregnant with our first child and has relied 100% on me financially. She's gotten accustomed to a certain lifestyle and when things have become challenging financially, her stance is "this is not what I signed up for". She has zero empathy for the financial pressures I am constantly under and tells me that I'm "not a man" if things are ever tight financially. Luckily she is also there to constantly tell me all of the things I'm doing wrong, every second of every day.
The affairs... Unfortunately my wife put on in excess of 70lbs during her first pregnancy and to this day has not taken any of the weight off. I understand this will be perceived as shallow of me, but her weight is a MAJOR issue for me. I'm no Greek god, but I was a pro athlete for 10+ years and continue to stay very active. To be clear, she was quite fit prior to our first child, so it's not as though she was chubby to begin with. I have never been attracted (in fact I'm repulsed) to a larger woman, which makes her weight gain that much more of an issue for me. I took the easy way out and had affairs with women who took care of themselves and were actually nice to me. I get it, I was wrong in doing so, however between her weight gain, passive aggressiveness, bipolar behavior, name calling, swearing and sense of entitlement, I felt like I needed to have some positivity in my life. We worked though these affairs via counseling and personal dedication, although she has constantly stated that she's waiting for a "grand gesture" from me in order to ultimately forgive me. Unfortunately, ANY disagreement or argument we have gets swiftly deflected to the affairs I've had and that I'm probably doing it again now or planning to soon. I can't win...
Oh, her mother recently passed away and she left my wife a sizable inheritance (which she will get eventually), so now all I hear about is how she doesn't need me and how well positioned SHE is for HER future. What about the past 15 years I have supported her??
So here we are in a loveless marriage, where we constantly bicker and fight in front of the kids. They hate it and I hate that they see this. We all deserve better! How can I move on and assure that my kids aren't exposed to this constant negativity? What steps should I take to ensure this split is permanent?
We have two children together (1st grader and 8th grader). Our parenting styles couldn't be any further apart, which appears to be on of our largest obstacles. Her default parenting style is yelling, calling names and demeaning, which she also does to me in front on our children every day. She is passive aggressive (and bipolar) and I am seeing some of this behavior in our children (my wife blames me, of course). My wife hasn't worked since becoming pregnant with our first child and has relied 100% on me financially. She's gotten accustomed to a certain lifestyle and when things have become challenging financially, her stance is "this is not what I signed up for". She has zero empathy for the financial pressures I am constantly under and tells me that I'm "not a man" if things are ever tight financially. Luckily she is also there to constantly tell me all of the things I'm doing wrong, every second of every day.
The affairs... Unfortunately my wife put on in excess of 70lbs during her first pregnancy and to this day has not taken any of the weight off. I understand this will be perceived as shallow of me, but her weight is a MAJOR issue for me. I'm no Greek god, but I was a pro athlete for 10+ years and continue to stay very active. To be clear, she was quite fit prior to our first child, so it's not as though she was chubby to begin with. I have never been attracted (in fact I'm repulsed) to a larger woman, which makes her weight gain that much more of an issue for me. I took the easy way out and had affairs with women who took care of themselves and were actually nice to me. I get it, I was wrong in doing so, however between her weight gain, passive aggressiveness, bipolar behavior, name calling, swearing and sense of entitlement, I felt like I needed to have some positivity in my life. We worked though these affairs via counseling and personal dedication, although she has constantly stated that she's waiting for a "grand gesture" from me in order to ultimately forgive me. Unfortunately, ANY disagreement or argument we have gets swiftly deflected to the affairs I've had and that I'm probably doing it again now or planning to soon. I can't win...
Oh, her mother recently passed away and she left my wife a sizable inheritance (which she will get eventually), so now all I hear about is how she doesn't need me and how well positioned SHE is for HER future. What about the past 15 years I have supported her??
So here we are in a loveless marriage, where we constantly bicker and fight in front of the kids. They hate it and I hate that they see this. We all deserve better! How can I move on and assure that my kids aren't exposed to this constant negativity? What steps should I take to ensure this split is permanent?